Saying your child has down's syndrome when she doesn't?

Question

At a recent Birthday Party my daughter and I were attending. The birthday childs mother comes up to my daughter and I and asks " What does your daughter have? Down's Syndrome? There is nothing wrong with my child. What should be my response???

Answer 1

Pardon my French, but what kind of asshole asks a question like that anyway?

I would have told her to "No, she doesn't..and I find it rude you'd ask anyone that." And then I would have left the party...

It'd also be a cold day in hell before I spoke to that woman again. If someone has the nerve to say something like that, I don't want to be around them.

Answer 2

Why do people automatically assume that it is a bad label to have a child with a disability? Your response should be (regardless if your child has a disability or not): "There's nothing wrong. You should see how she/he can _________ (insert a skill that they can do, such as run really well, sing the ABC's)!" By putting the focus on one of your child's positive aspects, you effectively show the offending person that you focus on things other than looks. The parent probably didn't mean anything by it... most likely they were trying to initiate conversation about your child to draw you into the party. She could have been just curious, and may not know what the symptoms of Down's are in order to compare it to your child. Regardless if your child has a disability or not, a disability should not be a cause for embarrassment or shame. Children are all wonderful- no matter what, so if you bring that to the other parent's attention, it should cause them to think about what they are saying and how it may sound to others. I once came upon a similar situation where another parent assumed that my daughter was deaf because I was using sign language to her at a restaurant. She was on one of those climber/slide things, and since she new sign language since she was a baby, I signed to her that she had one more turn on the slide before we'd go. Another parent asked me if she was deaf, to which I responded, "No, but she attends preschool with children with disabilities, and has learned to sign. It sure makes it easy to tell her to get down from up there when I can't climb in!"
By making people at ease about disabilities, you can squelch some of the "questions" they have. Most people have no ill intent in their questions, they are trying to understand and show acceptance,... even if they go about it wrong. Give her a break, and next time, talk about your child's strengths and don't assume that people are putting a negative thought on your child.

Answer 3

The woman was out of line, but as the mother to a son with Down syndrome, I also don't like the implication made in the question (and many of the responses) that there is "something wrong" with a child who does have Down syndrome. My son is not ill, he doesn't suffer, he is happy and beautiful and doing just great.

Answer 4

That mother was being heartless and rude. You should have said exactly that "There is nothing wrong with my child" and suggested that she get her eyes checked. She more than likely asked that question to offend you for some reason (only God knows why). I would not consider this person to be a friend nor would I ever step back foot into her house without some sort of explanation. It wouldn't hurt for you to actually ask her why she would ask such a question. If she wasn't doing it to be mean, it could have been that someone else may have misinformed her about your child or that she mistook your child for someone else's.

Answer 5

I'm not sure how to respond after reading the other answers. They believe it was some kind of insult to ask the question. I don't think being the parent of a child with any disability is an insult. It is what it is and the parents shouldn't be ashamed of their disabled children. Nor should anyone be insulted if asked if their child is disabled, even it their child isn't. It is possible your child my have certain facial features that made her believe she had Down Syndrome. I have a girlfriend that looked like she had it when she was little (she doesn't). She had sort of droopy eyes and a slightly larger lower jaw. She was a cute kid, but it looked like she may have Down's. She grew out of it and to my knowledge, nobody has ever asked if she has it. I wouldn't be offended, just curious as to why she asked and that's what I would have said. "No she doesn't, why do you ask?" It was tactless to ask, I suppose, but I wouldn't be hurt or offended.

Answer 6

Ask the parent what did she notice that made her say that? Yes it was rude, but some parents have no tact when it comes to dealing with their own children, nonetheless other people's children. Maybe she's noticed behavior in your daughter that is considered outside of what she believes to be the "normal behavior" guidelines for that age group. Don't snap back at her, try to defend your daughter's behavior, or anything like that. A simple reply like "we love her just the way she is" is good enough in a situation like that. Remember that sometimes when parents jump at other people's children, or criticize them it is because they are concerned about their own children's behavior, illnesses, etc.

Answer 7

Wow. I'm really sorry to hear that. Obviously the woman has NO TACT.

I would have corrected her on the spot. "My child does not have down syndrome, nor does she have any disability. She is 100% healthy."

Then, and only IF you wanted to be cruel, you could ask the mother if she is pregnant. ;) (Alluding to her supposed weight gain.) Yes, I know that's terrible but it makes the point.

Answer 8

I would probably say "my child does not have down syndrome. s/he is perfectly healthy. Why would you come to a conclusion like that?" Not only will this embarrass the person who posed the question, but maybe it will also teach them to keep their big mouth shut to avoid these awkward moments..

Answer 9

OMG, the lady obviously needs some ettiquette lessons. I would have just responded no, why? I think it is obnoxious that she would ask what your daughter has so forward like that. She must be very a direct person. SD

Answer 10

Your response should be to tell her there is nothing wrong with your child ....I'm not sure if there is more of a story here....but if someone asked me that of one of my children I would answer just the way I advised you