I'm 24, supporting my 25 year old boyfriend who has lost 3 jobs in the past 8 months and isn't trying very hard to get another job (he's trying a little but blames it on the time of the year why he cant get a job). I'm about ready to break up with him but I am very much in love with him. I don't have the heart to say it to his face, is it childish to write him a note and leave it by our bed when I go to work tommarow saying he needs to get a job or I will rethink our relationship or do I need to suck it up and try to talk to him about it (I think he might get mad, not real mad just defensive). What or how should I go about telling him?
2007-01-17 07:18:08 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You have to tell him how you feel, face to face. I know it's not easy, and he will become defensive but you need to be prepared for that. The key to any relationship is communication.
It does sound to me that you need to end it...at 24 you should not be supporting your deadbeat boyfriend. Really, you shouldn't be doing that at any age. Two people in a relationship should compliment each other, not take advantage of each other. That is what he is doing to you. You deserve better.
But, tell him to his face. That shows you have strong character. A letter is a sign of a weak person, who can't or doesn't want to face what the other person has to say. Be the better person...walk away clean with no regrets.
Good luck!
2007-01-17 07:39:50 · answer #1 · answered by AprilDawn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe say that you two need to sit down and talk. I am not sure if he's losing his jobs because he's getting fired or if he's getting laid off due to the job gettign eliminated. If it's because he's getting fired, honestly, I used to work in HR and it's not all that easy to fire someone...you have to give verbal, then written notice prior to firing. If it's because his job is being eliminated, then that's not really something he can control outside of looking at how the company is doing as a whole prior to applying and taking the job. You aren't married and you're not his bank...you're his GF....tell him how you're feeling and let him know how you feel. I don't think that you should just leave a "dear john" note...I think that you shoudl talk to him but let him know exactly how you're feeling. If it makes it easier, write it out on a note and then hand it to him and let him read it and then you two can discuss then or at a later time after he's had time to think about what was said as well....
best of luck to u.
2007-01-17 15:26:38 · answer #2 · answered by kristina807 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope he's worth the money. I can't imagine supporting someone who is well capable of working. You need to inform your man that you are not paying his way through life. Either he gets a job or he gets out. There is no negotiating. Is he going to pick up the slack if something happens and you can't go to work? Is he going to keep the bills up and food on the table? He can't even keep a job. Dump him and find someone who respects you more than that. Anyone who truely loves you is going to pitch in and help out financially. Your man has found a meal ticket and he's going to hold on for as long as you allow. Wake up and dump his useless a s s. Thank you and good luck.
2007-01-17 15:26:34 · answer #3 · answered by cookie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would be okay if you left a note saying that you'd like to speak with him about something that's very important to you when you get home from work, but don't tell him to get a job until you are face to face. He needs to know:
1. How you truly feel about him
2. Where you think your relationship is going
3. What him having a job would mean to you and your relationship
Speak calmly, and let your face reflect the love you feel for him at all times during the conversation and everything should go smoothly.
I wish you well - God bless!
2007-01-17 15:23:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ultimately, the reason your bf doesn't have a job is because he isn't interested enough to get one. Why has he lost 3 jobs in such a short period? He needs to grow up and be an adult. There are many people (including myself) who have taken anything to make ends meet. Some income is better than none. He needs to stop hiding behind excuses, make a decision and get (and accept) a job. It will lead to something else if he's creative and ambitious, no matter how seemingly demeaning the job may be. I would tell him to his face, and if he blinks, you will know where his true priorities lay. Good luck~
2007-01-17 15:25:46 · answer #5 · answered by Finnegan 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all, don't give him an ultimatum. Just walk away. He will never change. Ever. By 25 years of age, he's already established a pattern he will follow for the rest of his life. Women and men make the terrible mistake of falling in love with someone's potential - thinking they can change them. You can never change them. This type of behavior will be present for all of his life. If his act isn't together by now, it never will be. The people that can't ever hold down a job isn't because they're getting bad breaks - it's because there is something fundamentally wrong with them. Be smart, move on.
2007-01-17 15:24:24 · answer #6 · answered by Lilith 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it's a good idea to leave him that note. That way you have already left for work and he can read it by himself and choose to either do something about it or not. If he is letting you support him, you should rethink this relationship as he is lazy and most likely won't change. You need to find someone who can work with you and help, not suck the life out of you.
2007-01-17 15:22:52 · answer #7 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well i don't think that this is childish at all, you just don't want to hurt his feeling, and if this is the best way for you to get your thought across to him and at least open up the conversation then its perfectly fine, but do be prepared for his reaction and be ready to talk now that you have the hard part out of the way. but putting the note will at least prepare you for what you have to say to him next, and since your very supportive to him he should be understanding and know that you sometimes need help to. do the note thing, but be prepared for the outcome and be ready to talk. tell him you love him and tell him that you'll be there for him, but he has to put in effort to finding himself a job.
2007-01-17 15:27:12 · answer #8 · answered by Dory Ian 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
do you love him and he doesn't love you If he loves you you are making a mistake say ti him (Do you really love me).if he looks in your eyes and says he does than work it out.Maybe he has a problem that he is ashamed to tell you.in the wedding vowes it says for better or worse.when you talk does he interrupt you and change the subject if your relationship is based on money it will never last you might as well go for broke because he might help you in years to come when you are depressed and he will carry the load
2007-01-17 15:34:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks like he is not trying his best to find a job because he has you as a back-up. You have been trying to support him so why would he want to get one. If this problem continues, I think you should really leave him for another man.
2007-01-17 15:24:02 · answer #10 · answered by Inquirer 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋