Trust me I've gone through many questions in my head and I'm weighing all the options. But I figure two heads are better than one and with this site many many heads are even better. I'm hopeing someone in the same boat will have a different perspective for me. I met this girl (21) online. She is three months pregnant and the father is out of the picture. Actually he's in jail. This girl and I met in person and we hit it off unlike I ever have with a girl. She is so sweet and interesting and I'm really into her. However with a baby on the way I'm forced into considering all these tough questions right off the bat. I'm hoping someone can help me sort this all out. I'm 23 years old and not ready to be rasing a child. Espically one that isn't my own. She is a student without a job who moved back home with her parents now that the father is in jail. She is really into me and I her, but I don't want to get hurt, and more importantly I don't want her to get hurt. What to do?
2007-01-17 06:20:15 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Wake up and smell the coffee! This woman is a no-no!
What happens when the baby is born?
You said you're not ready to care for a newborn.
What happens when the baby's dad gets out of jail?
He will more than likely come after you.
How are you supposed to have a relationship with her anyway? She won't even have time for you, she will be busy taking care of a newborn. Hopefully she will be thinking about getting a job so she can support her child!
She doesn't have a job, lives at home, and has a baby on the way. Find someone else! There are a million fish in the sea, just throw this one back!
2007-01-17 06:28:29 · answer #1 · answered by Hummer Babe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude I can sympathize with your dilemma and while I think it's honorable that you feel compelled to do what you think is the right thing. However you gotta be real. This girl already made a HUGE mistake by making a baby with someone who is obviously not father material. She's young and scared and desperate and probably not making the best decisions in life. This could very quickly and easily turn into you being the knight in shining armor saving the poor girl. That's such a misguided emotion. You have already saiud you arent looking to get tied down with kids, and you shouldnt at your age. I may be wrong and this girl is the most wonderfl thing in the world, but dude, chances are if she got knocked up by a criminal it's probalby just the most recent in a history of crappy decisions. How about being there for her as a friend? You can be there to listen, to help, to offer some much needed advice, but don't be daddy if you aren't ready. I married a woman with 2 children but we were both in out thirties and had good careers and our educations behind us. And even with all of that this was a very difficult transition for both of us. Neither of you is probably ready for this big of a commitment or decision.
2007-01-17 14:40:29 · answer #2 · answered by baldisbeautiful 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing you should consider is your TRUE feelings for her. If you really are into her and vice versa then no matter what her condition is (pregnant) then you need to be confident that you can be by her side 100%. See, I am in a similar situation, I am 3 months pregnant and my ex husband left me before I found out I was pregnant. Well, I am dating a guy now and we are pretty serious. At the beginning I would question him about was he sure he wanted to get himself in this situation and he would always say that as long as he loves me then he loves everything that comes alone with me and that is this unborn child. So, I say to you, take time to really think about your feelings for her and if you really like or love her then you will except her with whatever comes alone with her. Most importantly, if you are going to be with her during her pregnancy, get you some books and read and see the changes our bodies go through and the mental changes as well as physical. Make her feel special, make her still feel sexy and all that. Hope all works out for you and her. Good luck
2007-01-17 14:43:34 · answer #3 · answered by Ms. Johnson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well My Husband has raised my Son since he was 3 months old.We was very Young when we met.If this New Young Lady you have met is Keeping her child Which I hope she is.You have to realize that it is a packaged deal.It is not just her you are getting.Being a parent is a very hard and serious Job.If you are not ready for a pre made family Don't stick around because you are going to end up hurting yourself and the Mother and Baby.You say you are not ready to be raising a baby that is not yours,well let me put it this way a blood test don't make a good father,just because it is not your child by blood does not meen that you could not be a Great Dad! If you really love her and want her then you will have to have the bundle of joy that is on it's way.Don't drag this young lady on please think and think hard before you hurt someone.
2007-01-17 14:52:15 · answer #4 · answered by Dew 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DROP HER NOW!!!!! and avoid all the agony that awaits you. You pretty much answered your own question all by yourself. You are NOT ready to raise a child but if you stay with her, you will be raising a child. Also, the father in jail part and the fact that she had to move back in with her parents, she has no job, really raises many, many RED FLAGS!!! SHE'S USING YOU!! I don't care how nice she is or how well you get along!! DROP HER NOW!!! I have a friend that went through this and it was a nightmare from start to finish and is still on-going -- he has to pay child support when the "sperm donor" doesn't -- seems fair to me -- NOT!!
2007-01-17 14:47:47 · answer #5 · answered by Dozyjozy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you are in this sort situation, you need to consider carefully. You have to accept the fact that she is already pregnant and you have to raise the child together with her even though the child is not yours. If you are not prepare to do this, I feel that it is better to make things clear at a early stage rather than keep the subject delaying. There is no such thing as either party will not get hurt in this sort of situation.
2007-01-17 19:35:39 · answer #6 · answered by Clown & Joker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are not ready to be a parent don't bother because you would be a father figure and you would need to want to be there for the kid for it to work.If you continue because you like her but don't want a child thats selfish because you don't care about the kid and the kid is a part of her and comes with the package.So i would stop the relationship because you will do more harm than good if you stay and the child still doesn't have a father but mom has a boyfriend that just aint right....well thats my opinion i am sure you will get alot but you clearly don't want to father someone else's child and i don't blame you for that i have a stepdaughter and sometimes i wish i didn't have to deal with someone else's child so i know where you are coming from on that,well you know what you need to do
2007-01-17 14:37:51 · answer #7 · answered by samwise25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take things slow you can be friends with her without actually being in a relationship with her and still be there for her and her needs as well as her being there for you and your needs (and no I'm not talking about sex) I don't blame you for being scared that is a very scary thing to be getting involved with. If you decide later on down the road that a relationship isn't something you can handle with her because of the kid or other problem then you can just stop being friends with her and it wont be as hard because there was never an actual relationship there.
2007-01-17 14:28:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you sort of answered the question yourself. You are not ready to raise a child, especially not your own.
The circumstances you describe seem less than ideal, with the father in Jail, her not working, living with parents etc.
And in my opinion being pregnant and such she shouldn't be out there on a dating site looking to get with a man...., she should concentrate on finding work and worrying about her baby.
I'd stay away, no matter how sweet she is and how much you are into her.
But good luck whatever you decide
2007-01-17 14:31:52 · answer #9 · answered by thatswhattheytoldmelastnight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should right off the bat tell her that ure not ready for this and may need to back off. tell her you can try and be there for her but not necessarily the way she wants or needs you to be. she should understand this its not being mean at all its being hoesnt and it will keep you from getting too involved. get your feelings all out now cause the more time goes by the less and less it will be as easy to tell her your not ready. chances are if you get it out now youll get closer and magically thigns will turn out incredibly easy and smooth, BUT if u wait there will be fights and doubts and those need to be addressed now!! dont leave her but dont wait to be up front nows the perfect time
2007-01-17 14:55:46 · answer #10 · answered by toolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋