Be honest girls...?

Question

Been told i'm good looking, got a brand new house, very nice to every girl ive dated. But...heres the kicker...i'm 35 and never been married. Dont have committment issues. I was engaged. But a car wreck crippled me up and now I have a cane. And lost my career (sportswriter), and the girl. That was 5 years ago. Girls have been dumping on me ever since. I have heard that nice guys never cut it. Then I heard a girl has to think your bad and then "change" you. I dont think having a big heart is bad. And you girls always tell me its a good thing. But then when it comes right down to it, you bail a week before X-mas. And thats not even the best story. You all want differant things. But I dont have the time to sport-date. Am I hangin on too tight?

Answer 1

Sounds like you've been hanging out with some really stupid women. I think it's time to raise the bar on your selection criteria.

Seriously, others have already mentioned that women DO like nice guys. Girls get hung up on the bad-boy thing. Women realize that, in the end, there's really nothing any sexier than nice. Women realize that "Mr. Excitement" is exciting because he's unstable in some way. Smart people don't need THAT kind of excitement in their lives. So to begin with, quit dating girls. Date women instead.

And maybe just take a break from dating for a few months. And don't call not having a date for a while "taking a break." Do it deliberately.

You've had some really lousy things disrupt your life. It takes time to grieve those losses; you really can't rush the grieving process. For me it was the death of my mother followed by a divorce and a bout of depression.

It's time to build a new life. I haven't lost a career, but I've changed careers deliberately a couple of times, and it can be quite liberating (stressful, but liberating). Using a cane can't stop you from writing, so maybe pick a different field to write in.

Fill your life with good things. Don't wait to "have someone to share it with,” to do the things that you are dreaming of. Cultivate your hobbies, travel, go to the gym or swim, do volunteer work. It's in these life activities that you'll meet people who share your values and interests. Let friendships grow and see what directions that they take.

I don't know what sport-dating is. I’ve seen those speed dating things on TV, and they actually look pretty fun. But if you don’t have time to date for fun (or sport, if you will), then you really don’t have the time it takes to cultivate a relationship.

I do know that when I stopped trying to find a mate and focused on filling my life with the friends and activities that I wanted, and decided that my life was going to be rich and good and fulfilling even if I was alone until my dying day, then as if by magic, my husband entered my life. We’re coming up on our tenth anniversary.

And while I love him dearly, if something were to happen and I was suddenly single again at age 42, I’d date, I’d be open for love, but I’d never get married again. I don’t see any point to it. What is there in life that I want that I have to be married to get? Sex? Nope, sex is out there waiting to be had by those that know how to play the game. Children? Nope – if I want children I can adopt them or have them on my own. Marriage doesn’t guarantee that your mate is going to help with the parenting, or even stick around for the parenting anyway. A committed relationship? Nope, marriage is no guarantee of that; a person is either going to be faithful or not, and a ring on a finger won’t be the deciding factor. A hedge against loneliness? Nope – it’s WAY better to be lonely alone than to be lonely in a contractually binding relationship that restricts your options to seek companionship elsewhere. Trust me on that last one.


You're only 35 years old. Make your life good and full and rewarding for YOU. And when you start dating again, remember – pick smart women, not dumb girls. And quit seeing yourself as a loser, because you’re not.

All my best to you.

Answer 2

Relationships are very hard. What one person wants or needs from a relationship is not what everyone wants or needs. There really isn't an answer for what woman want. I don't think we even know. Our wants and needs change daily I think. Just listen to your moms advice. Be yourself, don't try too hard and the right woman will come along. Keep hangin' in there sport. I love nice guys. P.S. Any woman who would bail one week before X-mas is a dirtbag. Count your blessings. What's the best story?

Answer 3

Perhaps you're dating too young. I'm 40 and know what I want and just don't put up with or play the games younger people do. Been there, done that - used the Tshirt.as a rag to dust the coffee table. Now, every woman IS different and most are looking for different things - in fact some of us are just looking for the simple things in life. Nobody will ever be able to change that fact - but men are the same when you get right down to it.

Answer 4

Just as women complain finding a guy that isn't just into looks is difficult, finding a girl for yourself that doesn't lie is difficult. I can think of two solutions: If you're going out to meet women, go to more honest places to find them - not bars, not clubs. It may sound lame, but book stores, coffee shops, and such. Obviously you aren't going to "pick up" anyone there exactly. You're going to start a conversation and hope to gain HER trust. The best way to get a woman to be honest? Let her know she can trust you first. The other doesn't always work for everyone. Like the first one, you can't exactly be after a relationship first - you have to just be friends. If you're friends first, she's definitly going to trust you a lot more than if she just wanted a relationship from the start. As the friendship, and the trust, grow, you have to try and make her realize that you're interested in more. Of course this is simplifying it a lot, but it could work out for the best. Friends first and you're almost bound to have her trust and honesty! Good luck!

Answer 5

There are exceptions to every rule, however; for some reason all the women want the dude with the swagger...money, cool car, and expensive penthouse/townhouse/ condo/ whatever...chiseled body like a Greek god...face like Denzel or Brad Pitt...Armani and Versace wardrobe...a egomaniac, selfish jerk...the dude who leaves them by the phone waiting for him to call...the good guy ..the hardworking guy with the Honda , clearance sale wardrobe, and crappy apartment...is lucky to find someone who will stick by him through thick and thin...women are so busy reading Cosmo, Elle, and Vogue....daydreaming about Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Denzel, Terence Howard, and etc...they are wrapped in that fairytale mentality...lets be honest here, you will have to lower your expectations or find a beautiful lonely woman...my advice is to meet as many women as possible, join a internet dating service, or just sit there and wait for Ms. Right to fall into your lap...it's not going to happen, man!

Answer 6

I can't lie, I have had the bad boy problem for many years and cannot break a bad habit. Relax, most women are NOT like me. I have some wonderful female friends who married for love and respect. Relax, it will happen. I will say in my defense, I never use men for money or gifts, that is just wrong. Besides, bad boys are not very generous with their money, time or love.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

The right girl will come along. Alot of girls do like "bad guys", but, eventually most of us get tired of being dumped on and want a good guy. As we get older we value a guy like you.

Answer 9

I think you should just relax don't stress out about it too much, people are different and not all women are the same. When the time is right you'll find the right one.

Answer 10

I think there is always someone for everyone...Maybe your just not looking in the right places...If your a good guy with real emotions then the part about being diabled shouldn't matter...Feelings and love weighs out everything else...Good Luck!