I want to apologize, but he darted out of the house. I told him he wasn't allowed to do any reading (a punishment for him, you understand), so I took the book when I caught him reading and whammed him hard across the head. He took off and he said he was telling his mother when she got back from work. I don't know what to do.
2007-01-17 05:34:51 · 30 answers · asked by csiguy 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Oh, yeah. he's 15
2007-01-17 05:42:48 · update #1
You can apologize to him.
But the best apology is not doing it again. It's hard, children try adults' patience, but it's useless to apologize and then do it over and over.
Catch yourself from falling into that trap. Set boundaries in advance and more leeway before you hit the bottom like you did. So, it would not escalate.
Change your punishment. Another way to discipline him - give him something else to do. Physical labor. Like cleaning the yard, house ... etc to let him work out the frustration of being punished. Or send him to do charity work at the local foundations, let the others teach teenagers good values. A lot of times, other people are more skilled at teaching our children than the parents who are emotionally connected to them.
Then, also, understand that teenagers are smart and hard to control. So, slowly loosen the grip for your own sake. As long as they are not committing crimes, they need room to find themselves and be themselves.
Hope this helps.
2007-01-17 06:52:58 · answer #1 · answered by Cappuccino 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really don't think you should use not reading as a punishment first of all. That is something that is good for him. Take a useless want of his away, like TV, phone, or computer.
Second of all, a BIG second. You should never hit someone in the head. That is the difference between discipline and abuse. I personally don't believe in any hitting at all. He is a 15 year old, he is almost an adult, and probably quite capable of other forms of communication.
You should feel stupid, but hopefully you learned your lesson and he wasn't hurt in the process.
2007-01-17 06:14:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can understand trying to find a punishment that will work for your son. Although it is reading, which then to him would be a punishment because he enjoys it. It is hard to find the right punishment for any kid--and as reading is important--it is something he loses because he disobeyed in the first place. Kudos for finding something that actually works--most parents go with the old standby of no tv, grounded, no phone...
You need to talk to him though and apologize. Admit your mistake and leave it at that. We are all human and make mistakes. By admitting yours you are giving him room to make a few himself without being afraid to admit it!
I would tell his mom when she got home. No sense in calling her at work and ruining her day.
You should feel badly--but convey that to your son as well. Don't place blame on anyone--place blame equally on everyone.
2007-01-17 05:55:21 · answer #3 · answered by intewonfan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't understand the no reading as a punishment. No disrespect, but that is not the smartest punishment in the world. You should want your kids to read. All you can do is apologize. He probably will tell his mother, as he should. And you should apologize to her as well.
Next time you need to punish your child, try taking a toy away, or TV privileges, videogames. Stuff like that.
2007-01-17 05:44:14 · answer #4 · answered by *karasi* 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Apologize to your son and his mother, but realize this will take time to heal. Something that could go a long way to your child trusting you again (as well as his mother) would be to sign up for a parenting class so that you can learn how to deal with situations like this. It shows a willingness on your part to fix this. Parenting with Love and Logic offers classes all over the country. You can find them online along with a lot of helpful books.
The important thing is that this doesn't become a pattern. It is absolutely wrong to ever hit a child for any reason.
2007-01-17 05:42:31 · answer #5 · answered by Shrieking Panda 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
OMG How can you possibly take away reading as a punishment? Do you know how hard teachers work to get kids to read? Then you hit him across the head???? What the hell is wrong with you?
You need some serious help, you have issues. How can you hit him in the head for reading? Just reading your question has made me furious. I can't believe how medieval you are. Something is seriously wrong...with you.
2007-01-17 07:56:43 · answer #6 · answered by musicpanther67 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, banning your son from reading as a punishment is your first mistake. That's really something you should encourage,
as a parent. If your son likes to read thats wonderful. Children, today, spend far too much time playing video games and watching tv. Reading opens a lot of doors to knowledge.
Personally, I'm not an advocate of the time out, grounding,
no allowance, no privledges like tv, cell phone etc, as punishments for teenagers. Basicly because they do not work.
As a teenager, those punishments did not work for me (or my brothers & sisters, either). Nor did they work for any of my friends.
I have several friends and family members with teenage children
who are finding that those methods of discipline do not work either. What they are finding works is making them go to
Sunday school classes at a local church and attend church with you. Hanging out with church youth groups also helps.
Hitting a child never works, either. It will just lead to resentment and anger and even more bad behavior, in my opinion.
When your wife gets home, I'd suggest you guys plan to attend church on Sunday. If you already do go, call your pastor or priest and ask to go talk to him as a family for some counseling.
2007-01-17 05:53:59 · answer #7 · answered by txharleygirl1 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You feel stupid because he's 15, he's not a child anymore. Once the wife comes home explain what happened and then try to apologize to him. Even if you apologize and he doesn't forgive you, you will begin to feel better and your son might just need time to forgive you so don't rush him. Next time think about what you are about to do before you do it. He shouldn't have disobeyed you but you still shouldn't have hit him. You where right to take away the book but you should have stopped then.
Good Luck!
2007-01-17 07:20:27 · answer #8 · answered by modest is hottest--chick4christ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off, don't let him intimidate you with threats to tell mom on your behavior. You are a parent, not a sibling or friend.
Secondly, I don't think taking away reading is the best way to punish. Can you try and find another alternative? Reading is so important, maybe you can take away tv time instead.
Lastly, if you feel like you overreacted then you do need to sit down and talk to him and tell him you are sorry that you hit him but he was wrong to disobey. Parents make mistakes but it doesn't give children the right to behave any way they please. I don't advocate hitting anyone, especially on the head, but he needs to know that rules are rules and there will be consequences for disobeying.
2007-01-17 05:46:15 · answer #9 · answered by wendysorangeblossoms 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You punish your son by not letting him read. That is most definitely wrong. Then you hit himin the head for reading - hello, most people would be thrilled to have a child that reads and you smack your kid for that.
You need help, starting with anger management classes, then you need some parenting classes to learn abput appropriate punishments.
You need to apologize to your son.
(Boy, I hope this is a joke and you are just a bored kid with nothing better to do)
2007-01-17 05:47:13 · answer #10 · answered by starting over 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋