Why do some stay at home moms take a condescending attitude toward working parents?

Question

I often see stay at home mom's say things like 'I want to raise my family, not a stranger' and complain that they are looked at as dumb or not given the respect they deserve by working parents. Why can't people accept the choices others have made for themselves and their families? My wife and I work and do the best we can for our kids. Our daycare is great. All of the teachers have early childhood development degrees. The kids are socialized, stimulated, happy, and loved. We have great relationships with the teachers. None of them are strangers to my family. Their degrees and experiences allow our kids to learn things that my wife and I are not trained on.

Kids are going to need to spend time away from their parents at one point or another. They either begin the education and socialization process at age 6 months or at age 5. Why do some stay at home moms knock people that work and want to provide the most opportunity and security for their kids?

The same stay at home moms who say 'I want to raise my family, not a stranger,' send their kids to kindergarten and first grade, don't they? So, by their definition of letting someone else raise their kids, they are doing it themselves, just starting at age 5.

Answer 1

Alot of reasons, but none of them are good enough for me.

Some SAHMs believe the mother should *always* be with the children. Which does more harm than good...

Some believe the woman shouldn't work. Just plain and simple "Women shouldn't work" and I disagree with that.

There's many more reasons..none of which are good enough for me. If you want to stay home with your kids for a few years then more power to you. But these women that decide from day one that they will NOT work makes me mad. I think it's selfish to put the entire burden of finances on your spouse just so you can stay home. And from what I've seen, alot of the children of stay at home moms have never learned to cope without mom, and that causes major problems.

Answer 2

It's hard to say, because I always get criticized by working moms for being a stay at home mom. IN fact, I went into the hospital last month do to various problems during my pregnancy, and when taking down my information the doctor was asking if I worked, how many kids I have, etc. When I said I didn't work I stayed at home with my kids, he gave me a weird look and asked how I provided for my children. I was so offended! My husband was so shocked he wasn't sure what to do, and then I was finally able to mumble out, my husband provides all the income for our family. It's not all working moms are nasty and not all stay at home moms are nasty. The grass is greener on the other side! I think the ones who are nasty to the others are simply jealous and WISH they could do the opposite thing. I have been both a stay at home mom and a working mom and I personally know the ups and downs of both sides, and the point is that NEITHER side is easy! Don't worry about what other people say! Embrace your decision. As long as your children are being raised with an abundance of love, attention, and with morals then who gives a flying flip what other people say =)

Answer 3

Children are with out a doubt better off with a stay at home parent. Daycare is not better, if it's the only option fine, but it's not a better solution. Children need the one on one time with mommy or daddy at the very least until they reach kindergarten.

Answer 4

I'm a stay at home mom and I would never put down a parent who works! My god, that's twice the work. They have jobs and then they are parents. I don't envy them at all.

But I think that sending your children to school is not having someone else raise your children. If you are involved with the school or even helping with homework then I think that's false. I am raising my son, not his teacher. That's a bit silly to me. I think it's great that you manage a job and raising your family.

Answer 5

The most important years of a child's life is the first five. I don't want strangers raising my kids, yes it's true. It's sad when your kids view their daycare provider as their mother, not you. Look back in history, why is OCD and ADHD so common in this era and not 50 years ago? There is no way a daycare can provide the same level of care a mother can. My daughters are 3 and 5 years old, behave in a restaurant and at stores, don't whine and fuss if they don't get their own way.

I think it is ironic when parents say they need to work two jobs to support their families, yet they drive around in brand new cars, have clothes from the GAP, their kids walk around with cell phones at age 10 and have a huge house. Make sacrifices for your children. They'll long remember coming home after school and talking to Mom about their day than the fact for their 8th birthday they got a laptop.

I don't think I am any better than any other parent out there. I am doing what I think is the best for my kids, which is what I am sure every other parent wants too. By the way for all of you who think stay at home Moms are less educated, I have a degree in accounting, I could be making good money.

Answer 6

For the same reason some working mothers feel the need to say rude things about stay at home moms. Some people need to belittle things they do not understand or wish that they could do to feel better about them self's. As a stay at home mom I have a great respect for those moms that work either by choice or by need. Though I have often run into moms who work that have the attitude that because I do not I am either very well off and that's why I stay home{ I am not } Or I am to lazy or do not have a good enough education to get a job.I am neither lazy nor stupid. Just as some mothers who work are neither selfish or a bad uncaring mom. It comes down to choice for most of us. As long as we are willing to tare the other side down. Neither of us will get the respect we deserve.

Answer 7

I have never once met a stay at home mother with this condescending attitude you speak of. I am not a stay at home mom, but I know many and never got that vibe. Are you talking about 1 person inparticular? Did someone say something inparticular to make you feel this way? Maybe they are just stating the fact that they want to be home with their kids, not meaning to pass judgement. Sorry to play devil's advocate, but I think you are generalizing or basing your opinion on one experience. You said "you often see a stay at home mom....." How many are you talking here?

You also said "Why can't people accept the choices other have made...."
Well, what you wrote doesn't seem very accepting of the stay at home mom's choices.

I'm not judging, just giving an opinion.

Answer 8

I don't care either way really i am a stay home mom and i love being with my child and it makes more sense financially for me to stay home but sometimes i wish i had a break i couldn't leave her right now cuz she is only three months but when she is about two i am gonna take her to daycare maybe twice a week just to have some time alone.I think alot of stay home moms are jealous that working moms have a real grown up life during the day and get to be with other adults instead of being knee high in laundry and dishes and baby formula and not having time to take a bath or do anything for yourself,the working mom gets to have a life.I am not saying that my life is terrible i love being a mom and at home but there are days when i think i would love a whole day to myself with no crying and no bottles and no poopy diapers.I stiff drink and an adult conversation...oh well then again parents who work want more time with their kids so neither one is better than the other...do whats best for your family and your sanity and don't worry bout what others think

Answer 9

Some people think that they are better than others. My son goes todaycare 3 times a week and he loves it. He has little friends there and they do all sorts of things. Unfortunately I can't stay at home with him as we can't afford that. Ignore them is all I can tell you. THey are yuor children and only you can make the decisions for your children.

Answer 10

I have been both a stay at home mom and a full time working mom. I have always loved my children the same and I have always done everything possible to spend as much time at home with them as I possibly can.

That being said, sometimes I felt insecure about my choices. When I was a SAHM I was insecure because I was dependent on my spouse and I had no extra income or "purpose" outside the home. When I was a WOHM I felt like I wasn't able to be there as much as I wanted and the guilt really bothered me.

I think insecurity leads a lot of people to criticize. We just have to remember that although it is best for people to spend as much time as possible with their children that sometimes parents have to work. I started off staying at home and then got divorced so I had to work to support my children. We never know what might lead a family to make the choice they do so I don't think being judgemental is appropriate in either the SAHM or WOHM communities.

Answer 11

Because a lot of stay at home parents think their choice should be every ones. I am a stay at home mom. Why? Because that is what works for MY family. My sister and her hubby work. Why? Because it works for them. I say to each their own. Being a good parent is about making the right choices for YOUR family.