I am getting married in June and my aunt is trying to help me but it seems like everything i do she says i should do somthing else or it is stupid well to day i have just had enough she said that everything i wanted to do was wrong im using some fake flowers she said no i didnt get crystl glasses she said its stupid and the song i want to walk down the isle to she said it was too sad but it has meaning to me and my father so i went off and told her it that it was my wedding and that i would do stuff how me and my soon to be husband wanted to. i need to know what to do about her i mean i want her help but when i tell her its my wedding she gets pissed and wont talk to me and was i right for saying what i said!
2007-01-17 04:58:50 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I just got married two months ago, so I know exactly what you're going through, and the torture is still fresh on my mind. In my case it was my mother. At first I felt like I could not stand up to her because #1 she was my mom and #2 cuz she was paying for a large part of the wedding. It came to a point where she would just start trying to make decisions. So I spoke to her about it. In the end, we both came to an agreement and the wedding planning was less stressfull from that point on.
Here's my suggestion: With love, patience and respect simply address your aunt and let her know that you would like to have her participate in the planning of the wedding, but that ultimately the decisions are going to be yours. Let her know that that is her option, and that if she continues to put down your ideas then you will just simply not include her in the planning anymore.
If she agrees, maybe what you could do is just tell her what you decide, and not really leave any room for her opinions. Or maybe you could involve her, but not in everything. Just let her know little details here and there. Or give her little things to do here and there so that she feels included but is kind of out of the way too.
Hope this works for you. All weddings are different and families are different too. Yes, it is your special day, but I doubt it would be that special if you didn't have your family to share it with, as annoying as they may be.
2007-01-17 05:38:21 · answer #1 · answered by de_bee19 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey there, sorry you Aunt sucks.
First off, this is YOUR wedding, not your Aunts.
You Aunt works for YOU!
You don't like what she says, you tell her to stop.
If she doesn't, fire her.
Some folks think that advice is to be followed, others that advice is information, and that you have free will.
Your aunt sounds like the first.
Now, your Aunt is likely older than you.. but guess what?
You are more mature.
You are right.
Her getting pissed reflects badly on her, not on you.
I suggest you copy this reply, email or mail it to her, and she can get her head in the right place.
Maybe she is a maiden aunt, never had a wedding and this is "her chance?" Or she didn't have the wedding she wanted and this is her second chance.
There is no right answer on what a wedding should be, who should pay for it, none of that.
Now, if you have friends, fire the aunt and get help from them. You are under much less obligation, perceived or otherwise, to keep your friends happy.
Or you can write out a contract with your Aunt about what her duties and such are, and have her sign it.
Really, doesn't sound like your Aunt is trying to HELP you so much as BOSS you!
Thankfully when I got married the folks on both side were mellow.. plus I would rip them a new asshole if they messed with my wife or I..
Speaking of which.. where is your husband to be in this? He should be backing you, and even acting as intermediary with your Aunt.
2007-01-17 05:12:54 · answer #2 · answered by tony911m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, If it would have been me, I would have said alot more than what you did. It is your wedding and it a special day, And you should be able to do it the way you want.I would tell her, If you dont butt out,I dont want your help anymore. I know it sounds mean, But why should you compromise the way you want it done?? When I got married, I was what some may have called a "BrideZilla" but you know what? I had a beautiful wedding, THE WAY I WANTED IT, And when it was all over everyone was very forgiving and understanding!! Good luck, Congrats and and enjoy YOUR day!!
2007-01-17 06:16:34 · answer #3 · answered by rowebaby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the right idea telling her off, yes she is trying to help but at the same she must realise it is your wedding and instead of disagreeing with everything you have to say she should be looking to see how she can make your idea better not changing it completely and besides if it is good enough for you and your soon to be husband it should be good enough for her.
2007-01-17 05:08:00 · answer #4 · answered by Jackie N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her calmly that you love her dearly and want her to help with the wedding, but she must respect the decisions you make because it is your wedding. Let her know that her behavior has hurt you and not helped you and you would really hate to have to plan this without her. This way you are establishing boundaries while sparing her feelings...and not having to compromise your own. She should understand if you put it to her that way.
2007-01-17 05:09:22 · answer #5 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hi i am getting married in November and i am having the same problem with my mother in law to be. i found a really great way of solving it. give her something that you aren't overly worried about to take care of. i have asked mine to arrange the catering for the day and to do the wedding favours. - making them up and ensuring they get where they are needed. since i did this she is busy with that and i can do the rest - i still check on things though and i do on the odd occasion ask for advice about little things too, just to keep her happy. give it a try - what is there to do that you really could do without the stress of organising...
2007-01-17 05:14:56 · answer #6 · answered by frost7216 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK you had your blow up now sit down with her and talk quietly and reasonably tell her you really want her help and value her opinions but that you will make the final decisions with your groom. Tell her these things as calmly as possible then let her decide if she can abide by your decisions and go from there
O and Congratulations on you upcoming marriage I wish you love
2007-01-17 06:13:09 · answer #7 · answered by pokey's gumby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she paying for the wedding? Planning a wedding is stressful, maybe you are both being consumed by the stress? Here's what i would do......listen to what she has to say, and really LISTEN....what she is telling you might be right.....and if you don't agree, perhaps compromise, that way you would both be happy
2007-01-17 05:09:34 · answer #8 · answered by rocketgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be gentle in letting her know that the things she's suggesting may have been what she wanted for her wedding, but the wedding really should be about things you and your fiance like, or things that go with your personalities. if that doesn't work, just thank her for her input and tell her you appreciate her suggestions. that doesn't mean you have to follow them, but you should take a mature and civil approach.
2007-01-17 05:09:11 · answer #9 · answered by penguinfan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
help is good....but toooooooo much help is not good at all.
tell her in a really very sweet way that you need her help but it is your wedding and that you will make the head choices...
hey u should give her something easy to do...and you need to do all the main things...are get a wedding planner...
2007-01-17 05:32:39 · answer #10 · answered by La'Grange 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋