Why do I feel like this?

Question

Some of you might have read about me posting a question about why do guys find it easy to hit girls after my daughter was assaulted at the weekend. She was the one that was attacked but I can't stop feeling so down about it all. The council are useless and I feel as if I'm getting no help from them at all. I want to sit and cry and I tell myself to buck up as she's getting better now, but I can't seem to lift myself out of this downer that I'm in over it..... any ideas on how I can get over it? Thanks x

Yeah we are getting the guys charged. They have gone into hiding and their sorry @ss family aren't gving them up. I would give my brothers up if they'd done something as horrid as that. Thanks for all your comments so far. I do love ice cream!

Answer 1

You've had a shock, but I'm guessing that when the assault happened you went straight into adrenaline-mode, running around making sure your daughter was OK. This is your body's natural response to a shock (fight or flight) and you get a surge of energy that carries you through the first wee while. But it doesn't last. Now that you can see your daughter is recovering, your stress hormones move into a different response - slowing you down and allowing you to deal with the trauma. You may have tearful episodes, flashbacks or panic.

I think these feelings will pass, but it might help to be able to talk to someone about what has happened and your feelings about it. If you don't begin to feel better in a couple of days, you should see your doctor, as he/she may want to assess you for post-traumatic stress.

Please don't feel guilty for feelign this way when it was not you who was attacked. I can think of few traumas greater for a mother than to see her child hurt and vulnerable.

Be good to yourself for the next wee while.

Felida

Answer 2

firstly, im really sorry about your daughter being assaulted, its something that no one ever wants to happen to anyone. Firstly, you have to be there for your daughter so put your positive head on, she needs you. Secondly, contact your local safer neighbourhoods team in your area. You can usually find this through the met police site: www.met.police.uk/saferneighbourhoods (if you are in london, if not then contact your local police and ask to speak to the safer neighbourhoods team sergent). They are different to the police, that have had trained to be more sympathetic that the normal police and are there to help you and deal with your problems, there is more chance of them logging your complain and actually dealing with it. Thirdly, talk to your daughter, she probably feels very icolated and alone, she needs you. Do something fun together, go to the cinema, go out for dinner, have a girly night in. Just make sure she knows that she is loved and in time things will get better. A problem shared is a problem halved. Remember, it was not your fault! I hope things get better for the both of you. x

Answer 3

Muggle - I am so sorry about your daughter, that is horrible. I have a daughter too and I think I would feel the same as you if someone hurt her. I truly believe you are just reacting to the events and things will get better in time. When a crime is commited against us, even indirectly, there is a period of time when we grieve the loss of our safety and feel anger towards those who commit the crime. You may go through many different emotions in the next few weeks. Hugs - GM

Answer 4

You've experienced something very traumatic as has your daughter and unfortunately you can't expect to recover from it emotionally straight away... keep communicating with your daughter... talk about your feelings and get her to talk about hers.. if you feel you don't want to upset her then understand that both of you will be harbouring thoughts and feelings about the matter whether you talk or not.... talking about things doesn't help in a trivial way.. it literally materialises what is in our mind and thus makes the burden lighter

Saying that, there's nothing to stop you eating ice cream while having this chat ;)

Answer 5

You`re probably feeling guilty about it even though it`s not your fault. Vent your anger on the council, either get them to rehouse your daughter or say you want some answers to this situation. Keep on at them. This other family should really be evicted though. Why should your daughter have to move? Keep positive and don`t let this family of morons and the situation get to you. Thankfully your daughters ok now, pull together and win.

Answer 6

It's likely that you're feeling rather powerless to do much to help your daughter, so you feel a loss of control, loss of self-esteem and perhaps loss of ability to protect her. You have done your best and need to support her but clearly this is difficult when you are getting little support yourself, from others.

It may be that you are a little depressed about the whole episode and you could seek help from your GP who may recommend anti-depressants short term i.e. to get you over this bad patch.

However, these will only treat the symptoms rather than helping with the cause and it may help you to see a qualified counsellor to help raise your self-esteem and see that you are a good, caring mum who wants to do the best for her daughter.
All the best ~RJS

Answer 7

You just have to be a role model. Sitting around crying is victim behavior. I think you and your daughter would be empowered if you both enrolled in martial arts classes. Self defense, confidence and a sense of strength is better than crying. Take charge.

Answer 8

Well only a asswhole would do that, around where i am if anybody ever did that then the guy would get jumped and we'd consider him a faquet! but for now go spend time with ur daughter,if anything then ice cream helps, a whole bucket of ur favorite along with rented movies that are funny, do a whole lot of this fun stuff and youll get over it. i promise....

Answer 9

It is very devastating to your mind when you have the realization that we have to live defensively...that we don't live in a nice world for the most part....unfortunately boys/men that are physically abusive learned this while they grew up....it is a vicious cycle...You need to just snap out of it...your daughter needs you...we can't change how the world is...but you can choose your own environment...Be Blessed. Be Healed!

Answer 10

You are probably feeling that way simply because SHE IS YOUR CHILD!! Perhaps you feel that you couldn't be there to protect her during what seems like when she needed it most. Talk to her. She will let you know that it wasn't your fault. You can't be everywhere all the time to save the ones you care for. What you can do, though, is be there to comfort her and let her know that all is going to be OK.