My 5 year old boy tells fibs - how do i combat this?

Question

I have a 5 year old boy, he prefers to role play rather than typical boys play of play fighting etc. He used to have imaginary friends so his imagination is quite good. He has always been a very good talker - sometimes too much.

He is well behaved for his age.

But he is always telling porkies - from something simple like telling people he is 6 rather than 5 to more serious things, when he was getting intimidated at school. I never used to know what to believe.

When he is fibbing, i have tried the gentle "you wont be in trouble" style to letting him know i am cross.

I never feel i get the bottom of a problem.

I dont know if it is just his imagination taking over and going a bit wild or if it is a problem.

Anyone experienced anything similar???

Answer 1

Why don't you try playing a game, where he gets to tell you what happened, make sure you are there so you can see the event he is talking about. Then he gets to tell a 2nd story, with his embellishments.

Then after, talk about the difference between his story and the truth, making sure he can tell you the differences.

Then when you want to get the truth from him, tell him 1st we will tell the real thing, then story time.

BTW - Children with vivid imaginations are usually very bright. Maybe he is a little bored in his life. Try and challenge him a bit more.

Answer 2

It seems to be something that is normal at his age. I had two cousins that went through the same phase. It will decline as he gets older. And you will begin to also pick up on when he's lying and when he's telling the truth. Then you will be able to coax him into telling you the truth. Check the site in the source below.

For the Big lies it states and I quote:
When you catch them in an important lie that has to do with their safety or emotional well-being, take them for a walk, or some private place, tell them to listen, and lay out what you know. Don't corner and interrogate them; they just squirm and lie more to protect themselves from your anger and disappointment. Give them a chance to be upset, then talk about trust and self-deception as the real consequences. Then think with them together about how to repair the damage. If you get stony silence, try again later, but don't berate, degrade, or humiliate. You become the problem, then, not the lie.

Then after that there is a section on discipline which may help for when he tells big lies - He needs to learn that there are consequences for his actions. There is also a book from Amazon about why kids lie and how to encourage truthfulness but I don't think you need it. Give him 2 years and his imaginary friends will disappear and the number of lies will decline. I have not got kids yet so have no personal experience other than that of siblings and younger relatives. All the best.

Answer 3

I have a 9 year old son, and he went through this stage. He is very imaginative and intelligent. He too had imaginary friends and still partakes in the "role play" style of playing. He is also an only child and I feel he compensates role play for the lack of playmates. We have always told him that nothing is too big or bad to tell us. We will always listen without judging and then distribute the punishment depending on the severity of what he did wrong. We have stressed that by telling the truth, his punishment will not be as harsh as it would be for us to find out he was lying. When your son does tell you the truth, try to relate to him. Let him know that you went through the same thing when you were a kid. Let him know that we don't always make the right decisions regarding our actions, but that it is important to learn from them. Our children want nothing more than to please us and make us proud. So, praise him for telling the truth, but at the same time you will still need to set punishment rules. If the punishment is time out in the corner (or what ever); after it is over give him a hug and let him know that you still love him regardless.

Answer 4

I've seen a lot of kids go through this. I think adults assume that children understand the difference between 'truth' and 'lies' just because we've learned that difference. If you catch your son in a lie, where you know absolutely that he isn't telling the truth and you know absolutely what the truth is, then you can use that lie as a teaching moment. Tell him this is the truth, what really happened, and when he says something different happened, he is telling a lie.

Our issue was when the kids would say someone else did something as if it were a fact, but really they were making an assumption of what really happened or even just spreading gossip they had heard. We told them if you didn't see it happen yourself, then you don't say it happened. Even if you didn't mean to lie, you're still not telling the truth. Our friend's daughter would tell whoppers, and one day I took her aside and asked her to think of all the things that could have happened if we had believed what she had just said and had acted on it as if it were truth. The child she had lied about would have been grounded unfairly, leaving our friend's daughter with no one to play with and the weekend would have been very boring. Somehow that really helped, because she figured out what the consequences could have been.

And if your son does understand the concept of lying and does it anyway, punish him every time. Consistancy teaches a very good lesson.

Answer 5

I'm not sure whether my girls will need years of therapy for this but heres what I did....worked for me.....I told them that when they lie mummies and daddies can see big red L's appear on their foreheads.....I remember one time my now 10 year old carried on telling me a story with her hand over her head.....I asked her what I would see if I moved her hand. Also at home we always stress the importance that lying about something always makes things worse......there is a difference between imagination at play and lying...at least in my opinion

Answer 6

I'm going thou the same thing with my 5 year old daughter. Here's what we've been doing that's working pretty well.

First I explained to her that God doesn't like it when we lie.And neither to mommy and daddy because we need to know that we can trust her. And that if she does lie there will be consequence. First she has to stand in the corner for 5 min. Then if she still keeps it up she loses her toy's for the rest of the day. That normally works but she knows that every lie after that will get her one more day with out her toys.

When it comes to lying about what went on at school. If I don't feel like she's telling me the truth I tell her I'm going to call her teacher and ask her if it really happened or not. This only had to happen once now if I ask her and she's lying I said I'm going to call your teacher and she tells the truth but she still have to stand in the corner because she started out lying.

She's starting to learn now that if she did something bad at school its better to tell because she'll just get in trouble for that instead of lying to.

Good luck and if you need to talk e-mail me at [e-mail]

Answer 7

Im no expert but i think all 5 year old boy tell fibs, being one myself.(many years ago). Also u say he role plays thats normal aswell i remeber my mum telling stories about me and how i always made up little plays to perform to her.

Answer 8

Children likes to play most of the time and do what you said of your 5 yr. old. Telling lies is one of them, they always pretend and they like doing it, why because they are children and they like to imagine. I advice you to read books to him with moral lessons for he can realize the consequences of telling lies or making pretend.

Answer 9

my 6 year old boy is the same it is hard to tell when they are actually telling the truth. what a brilliant question....maybe its just a stage young boys go through !!!! so im hoping anyway lol

Answer 10

have you not see robert winstons programmes time of our lives following the babies of 2000, i to have a 5yr old who tells fibs and he says this is actually a good thing