How can I help a friend whose pet has died?

Question

Hi

My friend's cat passed away peacefully a few days ago. He was a sweetheart and also very dear to my friend.

Can you suggest ways in which I can help my friend now?

- What are the things I can do?
- Are there things I can and cannot say to her now?
- I'd like for her to get another cat some day.
- How do I recommend this to her? Is this a good idea?
- Any other suggestions on what I can tell her or what I can do to help her?

Thanks!

Amazing answers from everyone! What a wonderful bunch of people I see here! :)

Answer 1

Without even looking at the other answers: Just BE THERE... simple no? My Stimpy is almost 14 and I dread to be where your friend is now. You really can't say ANYTHING. The pain will become bearable in time, but he/she will NEVER get over it. Ironicaly my knowing this won't help one bit. LUCK and GodBless...

Answer 2

Never give or suggest a cat as a pet. That's just cruel, to her, and to the cat. She may have the same expectations of her new cat, as she did the old one, when the cat is a brand new living being.

Offer a little more time, and friendship, you can certainly talk about the funny things the cat did, but don't dwell on it all day.

She could probably get a volunteer position at a shelter, as long as she understands that she doesn't HAVE to take all the cats home. Or she could start studying for a job in which she can work with animals.

But a new cat immediately isn't the best medicine. If she's having problems taking care of herself daily, in any way, she should probably see a doctor.

Answer 3

You are very sweet and sensitive to ask this question.

I lost a dog almost 4 years ago and I still get weepy when I think of him! There is something so special about our animal companions and when it's time for them to leave us it leaves a tremendous hole in our lives.

Some really thoughtful things that my friends did for me when I was mourning my dog were:
-made donation to ASPCA in my name
-bought me a grave marker plaque
-brought me dinner when I didn't feel like cooking
-never made light of my loss
-were there to listen when I needed to cry but never brought it up unless I did

In the end, she will know if and when she is ready for another cat. To mention that now would not be the right thing to do. What you might look into is whether there are any organizations around that foster cats while they are waiting for homes. This can be a great way to share love with an animal with no strings attached. The organizations are grateful for folks to take the cats during the week and then on weekends they are generally "shown" at local pet stores for people to adopt. Most importantly it will keep her busy and doing something that she obviously loves.

Look up information in your area on the internet and bring her the info. Tell her that this opportunity exists and would she be interested in helping?

Best of luck to you and thank you for being such a kind and thoughtful friend.

Answer 4

A few years ago I had a cat pass away and a friend made a very nice framed picture (of the cat) and poem for me. It was so nice and I still love to look at it and think of my kitty.
I would look up this : "The Rainbow Bridge story" and see if you would like to use this for something for your friend.
I think it may be a little while before your friend will want a new kitty so I think just being a shoulder to cry on right now is enough for your friend. I think it's ok to talk about the cat (happy memories) with your friend if she seems to want to. Your friend may need support when picking up the kitty's toys or dish and putting them away. I hope your friend is able to recover from this loss. My thoughts are with her.

Answer 5

Hi. Aw! Thanx 4 being a considerate friend. Most folks don't understand or care 2 understand that pets become part of the family.

Be an ear to ur friend when needed; sometimes just being there is best. In spite of what's popular, it's not necessary 2 talk...just try to avoid saying the wrong thing. Listen to her constantly talk about her pet. Plz don't b annoyed if she repeats herself; becomes long-winded; etc. Let her thoroughly grieve...no matter how long it takes.

If ur friend mentions getting another cat, encourage it. Just remember that no being should b seen as a replacement for another being. Just keep being a true friend.

We (2 cats +) send our condolences.

Answer 6

When I lost my 15 year old dog last year, the best thing someone could do for me is remember her. Tell your friend stories that you recall about the cat. Allow her to cry and reminisce. Try to focus on the good times in the cat's life, the silly things he did, and the things that made him special. Maybe suggest putting together a scrapbook of pictures and stories. I did this for my dog and it helped me lots. Really, just support her and allow her to have whatever feelings she wants. There are no WRONG feelings when you're grieving. She'll come around in time, and perhaps down the road will be ready for another animal. It'll take time, but your love and support will help her heal. She's lucky to have such a caring friend. Good luck.

Answer 7

W. is right. I had to have a kitty put down a week or so ago, and I still cry over her some. Even though I know it was the best thing for her.

Be there to listen to your friend. Don't hurry to suggest a new kitten: Right now, your friend will probably feel like she's betraying her old companion. She will decide when she's ready for a new kitty.

The clinic sent us a card with a fable in it, titled the Rainbow Bridge. You might try to find it, and have that made up as a picture or plaque for your friend. It is a beautiful story.

Answer 8

No- don't get her another pet right away. She has to grieve the loss of her family member before she moves on, just like any other death of a family member.

You could come up with something special to do to help her remember her pet, such as planting a tree or flowers somewheere. Get a photo of the cat and put it in a special frame.

You don't have to worry about what to say. A simple, "i'm sorry is there anything I can do ?" is all that is needed.

Answer 9

The best thing you can do with your friend is just support her and just confort her. She lost apart of her friend and it will take time for her to get us to the idea that her baby is not around anymore. You are doing all the right things but just don't that you will get another cat just give her time and just let her cry it out all out and be there that's all you can do. It has happen to me and it still hurts me and it going to be one year already in feburary. My mother lost one of her cat about 9 years and she still hurts but eighter way when she decides to get another cat she will give all that love to the kitten but no other cat can not replace that cat just remember that ok. Don't push another cat on her yet until she says something. But like I said just be there for her all she needs right now is a friend. Good luck

Answer 10

Just be there to listen and encourage her to talk about the cat and her grief at its loss. So many people think "it's just an animal" and don't understand how close we become to these loving and wonderful beings.

You can judge when she is recovering and then offer to go with her to an animal shelter to look at cats. In my experience as an adoption counselor I know that a loving paw will reach out to her from a cat that needs a good home. She may not be ready for this for quite a while and you will be able to judge as you know your friend better than any of us.

Answer 11

The best thing to do is take cues from your friend. Give your friend a pet sympathy card to let your friend know you care, and include a personal note along the lines of "Let me know if you want to talk."

Then see what happens. Don't make your friend talk about it if she doesn't want to. Do not scour pet adoption ads and tell your friend about available cats, unless your friend tells you to do that. I lost my cat last April to kidney failure and it took me the rest of spring and the entire summer and fall before I was ready to welcome a new cat into my home. (I ended up adopting two new cats.) During my grieving, some members of my family ignored my wishes and kept telling me about this or that cat who needed a new home. It hurt even more, because knowing there was a specific cat out there in need of a home made me feel responsible for that cat's future. That's not a burden you want your friend to bear on top of her grief.