he has on occassion cursed at me, punched a hole in the wall etc. he feels I nag too much and I make him explode. We have been to counseling but the issues always end up being mine....insecurities etc. He is a charming, smart, confident man and no one including his mother feel he is wrong....what now?
2007-01-17 02:49:44 · 13 answers · asked by Lisa C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It seems that your "fiance for 3 years" is continueing to be what he always has been... an abuser, an intimidator and a deceiver that manipulates others into believing that any problems that come up are someone else's fault, not his.
What now? He isn't going to change. Did you hear that... HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE!!!! The real question is, what are you going to do? If you choose to stay with this man and marry him then don't be surprised when the abuse and manipulation escalates. My advice: Get out now.
2007-01-17 03:08:07 · answer #1 · answered by Bud 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's already grooming you for abuse. He has you thinking that you make him explode! How he reacts to people is his choice--no one makes you explode. Do not let anyone curse at you! You teach people how to treat you and you shouldn't tolerate this behavior. You know in your heart (follow your instincts) that he will abuse you just like he did his ex. Please break the engagement, end the relationship and see a counselor as to why you would allow anyone to treat you this way. Try not to let him or his mother convince you that the problems are all because of you. He needs to get help for his anger/abusive personality and you need to get your self esteem back and work on becoming a strong independent woman. Good Luck!
2007-01-17 11:01:45 · answer #2 · answered by Kimmi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way you describe him is the way every abusive man is. Its always your fault never his. He has a history of this why would you take the risk? Women have died because they took that risk!! He has cursed you and put holes in the wall how long before he is putting holes in you, or punching you out? How many black eyes and hurt times are you willing to put up with to be with him? Leave him and find a man who doesnt hurt you.
2007-01-17 11:08:19 · answer #3 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In seriousness, he could be bi-polar or have a serious mental condition. I would have him be seen by a doctor or therapist. It sounds like you should NOT tell him that though, he might flip out. My husband and I argue, but have never cursed one another or punched anything. (I've cursed under my breath, but not too him.. LOL) He may be having some unresolved issues he's afraid to talk about. Tell him you want to make things work, but you need to know what is going on with him. Tell him you want for the both of you to talk. And not ignore one another. Ask him if there is anything that is bothering him he wants to talk about. Ask him to be honest with you because you want the relationship to work. If he can't meet your needs as a companion, you should leave. Because he may become verbal/physical with you. I hope it all works out for you.
2007-01-17 11:02:14 · answer #4 · answered by Mother of One 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave him. He is already showing the beginnings of an abusive relationship hiding just under the surface. His history of past abuse shows pattern. His turning the problems back on you show that he has not accepted that he has a problem and as such he cannot change until then. There is nothing you can do, it is only something that he can change and not till he is ready to accept that he has a problem.
2007-01-17 10:55:10 · answer #5 · answered by Richard Bricker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must not ask many people because that is wrong. Maybe you do nag all the time but hey, you don't break down the house! Talk to another counseller, on your own maybe.
2007-01-17 10:54:37 · answer #6 · answered by dadoggieboi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummmmm sounds like a pretty risky relationship----if I were you I would not marry this guy---he sounds like a ticking time bomb---and maybe the next thing he punches will be ur face---I hope not but he obviously needs a lot of counseling---and charming, smart and confident have nothing to do with this situation--how about caring, warm, and affectionate? please rethink this relationship.
2007-01-17 10:56:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run not walk away from this relationship,I really think that a Zebra never loses it stripes, send him back to
his mother... pronto. You may hang around hoping for
rehabilitation... that is human nature ...but.they don't usually
alter their personalities it is always there, and you will feel
uncomfortable the rest of your life with him. you owe it to
yourself for something more wholesome and rewarding..
2007-01-17 11:03:03 · answer #8 · answered by Robert B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey....you cannot change the stripes on a zebra....why would you want to start a life with a man that has an abusive history and it doing it all over again....one of the classic signs is that everything is your fault...you made him be bad.....wake up...you are destined to a life of abuse and misery......get out now while you still can....good luck and stay safe
2007-01-17 10:54:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on, because it's never going to be "his" fault. That's an abusive situation, and it will only get worse. Trust me... Don't wait around for anything else to happen.
2007-01-17 10:54:49 · answer #10 · answered by In love with Life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋