I can't control my 3 year old's fits, help?

Question

My 3 year old has fits several times a day. She is demanding, bossy, and defiant. I have tried spanking, that doesn't work at all. I have tried time out but she just falls in the floor kicking and screaming. Same for standing in the corner. I have tried ignoring her, she just gets in my face. I have tried talking to her and she just screams. Last night she kicked and screamed for 2 hrs because I would not let her have her way. She finally wore herself out and went to sleep. I even put her in a room by herself but she won't stay. I am at my breaking point. I need help!!

Answer 1

You were on the right track with ignoring her. My daughter used to do the same thing. As long as I didn't give her the attention she was trying to get, the tantrums soon ended. However, when it was all over and she calmed down, I made sure to talk to her about her behavior and that it was unnaccaptable. Now that she was clam, I would allow her to ask me for what she wanted nicely. If it was within reason, she could have it. Thats how I taught her the right way to get what she wants. She is now a walking talking please and thank you machine.
You've also got to remember: You are the parent here. As frustrating as it is and as long as the tantrums can last, you've got to hold your ground. She's 3 years old and you are an adult. Just think about it that way. Are you going to let someone so little have that much power over you? PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN NOW! Or you will regret it in the future. I'm not trying to get down on you, I just want you to know that you have the power to mold and shape your children into the people you want them to be. Take your stand and show her you will not be overpowered by her....you ARE in charge of the situation! You know that tone of voice our mothers used with us when they meant business? Use it! You know what I'm talking about..that low tone that made you almost crap in your pants because you knew you were in big trouble. People today are so hung up on how you have to be the "perfect parent." Well there is no perfect parent! You know, back in the day, my grandmother raised 8 children quite successfully. And do know how she did that? She didn't put up with any bull-from day one. I think its great that we put so much emphasis on identifying with our kids' feelings and all, but we can still discipline them while respecting them as people. If we didn't give them some guidance, then we would have no respect or love for them at all.
So hang in there. Stick to your guns. You are never given more than you can handle. Just remember that.
By the way, sorry I got sooo longwinded! Sometimes I just get carried away with myself!

Answer 2

This needs to be solved immediately! I have family members that have acted like this, and it is crazy! One is 13 and still sleeps in his parents bed, in the middle. I always felt that a good spanking at the right time can help, but you can't do that because of the mother. I suggest getting with all of the people that take care of her (grandma and daycare workers included) and setting up a punishment. Whether it is timeouts or no toys, the punishment needs to be consistent. Everytime she does the samething that is wrong, she needs to have the same punishment. Also, help her to see that acting right, is the best way! Parents often overlook the power of a smile, or an "I'm proud of the way that you let Timmy play with your train". Punishment when bad, and rewards when good! Good luck! Also! If you say that you'll do something when she acts out, DO IT! If you don't she'll think that she can get away with it EVERYTIME!

Answer 3

Spanking won't solve this problem. I have a 2 1/2 year old doing the same thing at times.

This is the age in which fits will happen. You were on the right track with the time out. Even if she kicks and screams, eventually she will tire of that. You just have to stay there with her in the corner to give her the repeated message that her behavior is unacceptable.

Go to babycenter.com for an online forum with questions and answers about the problems you are having.

All the best from one mamma to another :-)

Answer 4

Choose one form of punishment and STICK WITH IT!! Try telling her in a calm voice that when she is finished with her fit you will TALK with her about why she can't have what she wants or have her way, then tell her you can't go because Mommy has to work or our finances won't let us do that right now or whatever the reason is, you might get hurt, I love you and don't want you to be hurt, etc. etc. By switching up the punishments you are sending her the message that no matter what she wants she will get it because YOU can't make up your mind about how to handle her fits. Remember YOU ARE THE MOM she is only 3 years old and if you continue on this path by the time she is 14 or 15 you will have lost total control and respect. If you choose the time out chair or the corner stick with it. If she gets out of the corner or off the time out chair simply pick her up and put her back, don't argue with her she is the child you don't argue with children, if she cries and throws a fit for 2 hours then falls asleep then so be it, she will eventually get the hint that she can cry and throw as many fits as she wants you are sticking with your punishment. Hang in there....

Answer 5

Depends on what sets her off. Begin to wear ear plugs and then put ear muffs over them. Do this as soon as she does that. Wear them around your neck so she knows that this is a cue from you, that you will start dialing her out, and will use them every time. This will help you too my dear. Then you can smile at her to show her that she cannot faze you. Never show that you are irritated. That is what she wants to do. I don't know the whole situation. When she does that at a store, stop everything, warn her that you will leave, then do so. Next time do not warn her. Just up and walk out. Use no emotion that she can feed on. None. Stay calm. Don't raise your voice. What ever you do. She will try to get anguish out of you. Why she is doing this? She may be sensitive to the emotions around her, You or her dad. She may be mad at something and does not know how to express herself. You can ask her, when she is calm, what she wants. What do you do when she does this, or is this a sign that she needs a hug from you? Tell her that you will not listen as long as she cries, but you will listen to what she has to say. She needs to put into words what she wants. This is what big girls do, and that you love her. Tell her you love her often. It may take some time. Help her to express herself through words. If she starts again, remind her what you said before. Keep at it. Be extremely patient. Maybe ask your mother what she would do. It is a good time for you to have a little bonding time with your mother.

Answer 6

I hear ya.........I lucked out with with my daughter, she didn't throw tantrums but I now have 2 year old twin boys who mastered the art!
It is always best to stay calm and not start yelling........even though it is hard not to. Make the rule clear to her and explain that she will not get her way just by throwing a fit. Then let her throw it.............let her kick and scream and yell, you go on about your day.

Kids only do it for the attention and after a while, they realize that you're not going to give in. You may have a few days of constant tantrums but if you stick to your guns and not give in, she will. Be strong and you will see an improvement. If you give in, even just once, she will remember it and use it against you. Kids are smart, they just need to be taught that tantrums are not going to work. Good luck.

Answer 7

I have a 3 year old little girl who likes to throw fits sometimes although not quite like what you are describing. But I will say....I do spank but that is not always the answer. I actually don't do it that often. But I do use the time out chair and ignore her. She gets mad but soon the fit fizzles out and she's ready to talk about what happend. That's another key thing is to make sure you are ready to listen when she calms down. But never back down. For instance my daughter had the v-smile game which she absolutely loves. When she gets into trouble I tell her that this is your warning for behaving yucky and if she continues that I will have to take away her v-smile games. And soon enough she usually acts up again and I have to follow through and take her games and explain to her why I'm taking them and what she has to do to get them back. Works like a charm. Also taking away T.V. is another good one. Good luck!! :)

Answer 8

Drama mam,

Our strong willed child is twelve now.

You, my dear, have to show that your will is greater, bigger, and waaaaaay more patient. PRAY

We had to put a latch on the outside of the bedroom door! She yelled at me as I was installing the latch NO! NO! NO! at 2 1/2! sounds awful, but, that was the time out spot. We then had to remove all the furniture, except mattress on the floor, as she would empty the dresser, toy box, pull everything out of the closet. we did,t anticipate the last act. Her dirty diaper! .....she smeared that around her room! Potty training fixed that!

My daughter would bang her head on the floor sometimes too. Our Dr. told us not to worry as some children are strong willed and to let the child throw her tantrums she won't hurt herself seriously.


Something to remember, sweetie, when you are looking at your daughter you are seeing yourself in her. It was easy to see myself in my daughters too. I drove my parents, and siblings crazy...Do the best you can. Oh!, we did not travel for so many years, she wouldn't sit in the car seat. may be 40 mins. that was it! She would be quiet and red faced climb out!

Our daughters a very smart and short on paitents so lots of hugs, kisses, and I love you's and you'll get the same back. She just said "don't tell 'em about the diaper"!
Got to take them to school God Bless you

Answer 9

With our daughter, we just let herself have the fit. Right there in front of us. We ignored her. Sometimes they would last several hours before she wore herself out, sometimes to complete exhaustion. It's hard to do but once she saw that her throwing a huge hissy fit wasn't going to change our minds, she gave up. There was a phase when she started having them, but the reaction of her father, myself, her grandmother, whomever happened to be there at the time, was to simply ignore her and go about our business. If it was in the store or someplace public, we would remove her from bothering others and place her outside or in the car and just let her go. Again, this phase didn't last too long before she gave up. We also urged her to "use her words" to communicate with us, since the fits wasn't going to do the trick. Good luck!

Answer 10

It sounds like a little girl that I used to take care of. Her mom had to put a knob cover on the inside of her bedroom door so she couldn't get out when she was put in there for her time-outs. ( She NEVER used it at night just in case of fire). Try to find something to distract her. Does she have certain games that she likes to play. Grab her and hold her tight and tell her that if she quits throwing her fit that you will play one of her games with her. Does she get attention from her dad? The little girl that I took care of had fits because her parents were going through a nasty divorce and she was incredibly stressed out from having to go back and forth between her parents, and her bahavior was a lot worse when she came back from her dad's house. Be firm and consistant with her...same punishment every time. Take toys away. With my 2 year-old son I strap him in his booster chair and turn it around and place it in the corner. Also get the book Super Nanny by Jo Frost. She is the one on the ABC show. It is a great book.