Is it rude to ask your MIL to stop referring to herself as your 'mom'?

Question

When my mother-in-law calls and I pick up the phone, she says "Hi, it's Mom". And she signs her emails "Love, Mom". When I speak to her, I call her by her first name, I have never called her "Mom". We are not close by any means, and for the first 3 years of my marriage, we didn't really get along at all. She was actually quite rude to me. But she's always done the "Mom" thing to me.
I feel like she's taking too big of a freedom on this, that it should be my judgement on this, or I should at least have some say so in it. Would it be rude if I politely told her that I'm not comfortable with this, or I do I just have to suck it up and take it?

Answer 1

Is it rude to ask her to stop refering to herself as 'mom'??? No. If it makes you uncomfortable, and you never cleared the way for that type of referece, then its inappropriate for her to assume its OK. Especially if she was less than "motherly" toward you for the first few yeasrs of your marriage and you still arent that close today.

I had this issue; and i HATE my MIL; just cant stand her. One day, It all changed in one phone call. She called on the phone, and said, "Hi, its Mom". Knowing full well it was her, I said, "Hi Mom, I miss you so much. I think I'll fly home for a while and visit this summer, can you let Dad know?"...the phone was quiet. Finally, she said, "Its me, Jean". I said (sounding VERY disappointed)," Oh, hi Jean...I thought you said Mom....hang on, I'll get Dave for you".

That was that. She's been Jean ever since.

Good luck with this. I know what your talking about, but really, this is your life too, and you need to feel comfortable. If its enough to bring up on Yahoo answers, then its enough to bring up with her (in some way).

Answer 2

I think you should let her know how you feel. She, for her part, is trying to become a closer part of your life. Most likely, she realizes she made a mistake in not getting on with you well first off. Then again, perhaps she's just one of those people who projects herself into everything, which might explain some of her rude behavior on which you didn't elaborate. If she IS the controlling type, you'll probably just have to ignore it, but I would definitely speak out. I follow the admonition of Dr Seuss: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." When I first got divorced, I found a new birth of freedom in finally being able to say what I really felt. Now, I am the advocate of the downtrodden in my family who until that sad day paid homage to whatever our elders felt fit to press upon us.

Whatever the outcome of your chat, I anticipate she will react bitterly. You are not obligated to speak with her however. You can always hand the phone or the letters to your husband or refer her to him if she persists in a tone that makes you uncomfortable. She needs to learn that you and your husband are an entity for yourselves and that meddling in your affairs is neither her prerogative nor right. Make sure you live at least an hour away from her too, to keep down the meddling. Good luck.

Answer 3

Why are you letting something so minor in your life bother you?
If I were you I wouldn't mind if my mother-in-law reffered to herself as mom. You know who your biological mother is, and it never hurts to have another mother figure in your life. You said the both of you never really got along, did you ever think some of the reason could be your stubborness to accept her. Lighten up a little and give the woman a chance to show you some of the love she has given to her son as he was growing up. Some day you and your husband will have children together and "MOM" will be a large part of those kids lives, possibly even babysit upon occassion so you can go out with hubby for an evening!!!!
I didn't get along with my MIL in the beginning...but as time passed by she became just as close to me as my own mother and I thank God that I had the opportunity to have had two moms.
Good Luck Sweetie

Answer 4

Wow! i imagine that your fmil's gesture became completly close down through you. you've were given sturdy perspectives and reviews on the note mom, yet i really do not imagine you dealt with the priority appropriatly. She became welcoming you into her relatives, and became really declaring, i respect you as I do my own little ones, and also you've been impolite and thoughtless. would it not have killed you to grin and nod, stick up for your mom quietly and talk for your fh about it previously you completly humiluated her and embarrassed her? i respect the very truth my MIL to be considers me one among her own through calling us both "the little ones" and contains me in each and every thing and that i'd be honoured to call her mom faster or later, truly thinking we are planning on having a relatives some day i imagine you truly opt to finish somewhat lengthy questioning about the way you dealt with the priority, and if I were you, i'd verify mutually with your MIL to be and clarify to her you purchased somewhat freaked out and that your mom became uncomfortable, this she will comprehend, appologize to her and tell her that it going to make an effort to get use to the theory that you'll quickly have a mom in regulation, legally thats what she is, a mom in regulation, so she is style of like your mom, she isnt your "new" mom meaning shes replacing your previous mom, and that i really dont imagine thats what she ment. i might want to under no circumstances imagine declaring or doing what you probably did to my FMIL, i'd be so embarrassed, and that i wager my FH will be exceptionally dissatisfied with me too.

Answer 5

Talk to her. Tell her that you have a concern about her calling herself mom to you. But you also have to think about the fact that you are married to her son, which inadvertantly makes you her daughter. Maybe you need to find out more of what YOUR problem is with her. You said that for the first 3 years of the marriage you didn't get along. Maybe she has grown up and you still haven't. Just sit and talk to her. Maybe you will see that things really have changed with her thinking and maybe give her another chance. Wipe the slate clean and start over.

Answer 6

Yes, you can tell her you are uncomfortable with it. I have told my mother-in-law. I simply said "I have a very strong relationship with my mother and I simply don't feel right calling you Mom." To me it felt like I was betraying my mother, calling another woman 'mom'. So now I don't have to worry about it. If she has another son or daughter in law, she may find it hard to stop saying mom. She may refer to herself as mom to the others and every time she speaks to you she may forget. Have a conversation with her. Do you have children yet? You need to tell her how you feel, because sooner or later she is going to be taking bigger liberties...like stuffing your kids full of junk food, lol. This is the problem I was having with my MIL, but I simply told her how I felt. You need to do this or it will build and cause you anxiety. Good luck!

Answer 7

On one hand, she may have realized she was rude to you in the past she may be trying to make ammends and trying to get to know you a little better. It could be her way of trying to break the ice and trying to get you to feel more comfortable around her.
On the other hand, if you really don't like it that much and it drives you that crazy, you'll have to sit her down one day and politely explain to her you'd rather use formal or first-name greetings.

Answer 8

She signs her e-mails as Mom because she's your husband's mother. She hasn't asked you to call her mom, so I would ignore it. My mother-in-law always referred to herself as Mom even though I called her by her first name. Try not to dwell on this. Good Luck!

Answer 9

That's a boundary that she has no business crossing without having discussed it with you first. My MIL is the same way. It drives me insane. It's disrespectful to refer to herself with a title that is reserved for another person in your life.

Answer 10

I would say suck it up and take it. She is family now after all. Would you want your mother to hear something like that from your husband ? I dont agree with her just deciding to call herself your mom but its not like she is demanding that you say it. Let her do it if it makes her happy.