Things have started to get very serious between me and my boyfriend. However, he is religious and I am not. I am spiritual and i believe in God but i don't believe in the bible and organised religion and absolutely refuse to go to church. He goes every Sunday without fail.
He knew this about me from the beginning but now it is becoming and issue where i think it is an ultimatum.
If he chooses not to be with me for this reason, this means he doesn’t love me and accept me for who I am, doesn’t it?
2007-01-17 01:37:44 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
If it's becoming an issue, do you really think it's going to get any better? Been there, done that it doesn't work. Move on, find someone who more aligned to your views and save yourself the headache...
2007-01-17 01:41:27 · answer #1 · answered by nuthnbettr2do0128 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
"I will give you the best advice because I am wise.
He doesn't seem to be making the ultimateum here - you are. You are asking him to accpet you 'for who you are'. this is a ridiculous comment that makes no sense at all because it is so often used.
if you are a spiritual being and you love your boyfriend then 'organised religion' would never get in the way of love. it seems that you are putting your ideals, wherever they may have come from (and you should think about where you got your notions from orginally), in front of your love for him.
So which will it be - do you love him or do you hate organised religion more?
One answer leads to a positive life the other to a darker aspect."
The above answer seems to suggest that you should join his organised religion to keep your man. This is the worst advise I think I've ever heard.
Firstly, if you chose to follow a religion it should be out of faith in the religion itself and not out of wanting to keep a partner. And I find it hard to believe anybody would tell you differently.
Secondly, as you say, the issue is his and not yours. Several people are saying he's in the right and you're in the wrong. This is nonsense. You both knew the other's position. You're not trying to change him to suit you. He's now making you chose between joining the religion or leaving him? This is completely unreasonable behaviour.
I think you are correct in at least part of your view. He clearly doesn't accept you for who you are. He may still love you though, but that's no excuse for what he is doing.
If it's his ultimatum then it is his decision. I don't want to advise you not to join an organised religion. But you should only do it through pure motives.
2007-01-17 04:07:01 · answer #2 · answered by The Truth 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That depends on how religious he is. It is conceivable that he would honestly feel he was doing the wrong thing in the eyes of God by being with someone less religious. I suggest you both sit down and talk about your religious beliefs and expectations. In relationships, there is COMPROMISE. This means you will have to give an inch, too. While it may not follow your beliefs, it may be an enriching experience to attend service with your bf once a month or every two months, or maybe just get involved in church activities so that you can volunteer together. Don't forget that it is something that is important to him, so he will want to share it with you. However, don't forget that your beliefs are important to you as well. I'm not suggesting you take church in as a part of your faith, but just as a once in a while way of sharing this important thing with your bf.
2007-01-17 01:47:23 · answer #3 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a matter of common sense, really, much as that hurts. If you did decide to stick together, how many points of contention would there be along the way? Do you get married? Would it be in a church? How would you both want to bring up children? these are just a few issues, but it is all about how your beliefs affect your lifestyle choices.
If he chooses not to be with you for this reason, I would say he loves enough to let you be your own person, without living as a hypocrite.
Also, one other thing to consider, and that is the issue of why he should be the one to change if that is the only way for you to continue to be together. I have deliberately tried not to tell you to do anything in particular, but I hope you can understand something of what he may be thinking and/or feeling; and, I hope this helps.
2007-01-17 01:57:10 · answer #4 · answered by neil 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He still loves you but a believer and non believer don't mix. Its like oil and water. The bible talks about this very thing. It says that a believer should not be yoked (joined) with an unbeliever because it will bring the believer down. I'm sure he knows this scripture and he is just trying to do what is most important. Maybe you should consider going to church with him. If you really loved him you would go to church and try to meet him half way.
2007-01-17 01:48:39 · answer #5 · answered by Gummy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's true, but you know the weird thing about that is I bet he got with you thinking he could change you or your views on the whole thing. People need to realize that we can't change other people Maya Angelou puts it best If I tell you who I am believe me. I spiritual I believe in the bible and I believe in God, but I don't get caught up in religion per say. But if he leaves you for this reason alone let him leave.
2007-01-17 01:44:23 · answer #6 · answered by tlnay025 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will give you the best advice because I am wise.
He doesn't seem to be making the ultimateum here - you are. You are asking him to accpet you 'for who you are'. this is a ridiculous comment that makes no sense at all because it is so often used.
if you are a spiritual being and you love your boyfriend then 'organised religion' would never get in the way of love. it seems that you are putting your ideals, wherever they may have come from (and you should think about where you got your notions from orginally), in front of your love for him.
So which will it be - do you love him or do you hate organised religion more?
One answer leads to a positive life the other to a darker aspect.
2007-01-17 02:51:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
No, it doesn't. If he takes his faith very seriously, he may be considering the implications of marrying someone to whom he's not equally yoked. That means that you are vastly different in terms of faith. You may not understand it now, but faith and your trust in God will play a big part in your marriage whether you want it to or not.
I have an unchurched husband and I'm stuggling with issues right now. We look at things very differently, in part because of my Christian growth. I'm not being self-righteous, but I find myself having less and less in common with him. For example, he sees what we don't have and wants it, while I look at how we've been blessed and thank God for what we have. He's provided more than we need and we are doing quite well.
As you grow and trials and tribulations come (which they will) you will see how major differences in faith (not religion - there's a difference) can be problematic.
2007-01-17 01:47:53 · answer #8 · answered by Apple21 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Religion can make people do unreasonable things, and if he's that religious, he very well make you choose. How far could things go along between the two of you before it becomes a major issue? And, do you want to go that far along before addressing the problem?
2007-01-17 01:42:37 · answer #9 · answered by Crystal P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, that is not what it means. Your boyfriend can still love you and accept you as you are and not want to get married to you.
Your boyfriend is following the path that he believes is right for him and is not wanting to stray from that path. This is an admirable quality. If you love him, you should not want him to compromise what he believes in.
At the same time, he should not want you to compromise what you believe in.
If the two of you do not follow the same path, you will not spend your life together.
2007-01-17 02:34:12 · answer #10 · answered by Sldgman 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋