I am an Only Child, what is with sibling rivalry?

Question

I am an only child, I was raised to be independent and was never just "given" anything. My father came from a large family and my mother has a sister and a brother. I have three daughter, two of which are constantly demanding attention from their older sister. It causes conflict between the middle and the youngest. My older daughters are 18 months apart with a 3.5 year age difference between the middle and the youngest. I don't understand why they can't all be friends with one another. My oldest spends time with the youngest but when the middle one is around, the youngest feels left out. I personally think it is insane but I have no clue how to resolve this issue. ANY advice would be appreciated and helpful. I am totally out of my relm of thinking, because I had no brothers or sisters.

The oldest will be 17 at the end of the month, the middle is 15 and the youngest 12.

Answer 1

They can't all be friends but they can respect each other. They each should have their own group of friends they can spend time with. You've described sibling rivalry. It is when one sibling vies for another's attention or parent's attention and the other feels left out or hurt. There is more but I think you already understand what it is. It makes sense that the two youngest want the attention of the oldest...she's the closest to become the "glorified" adult.

How to deal with it? Having three children as well I can understand your frustration. It really is their issue. Sit them down and explain to them your expectations of them. They should respect each other, help each other out and spend time with each other. Tell them you understand that sometimes they need space from one or all but that shouldn't be something that happens all the time. Once they know your expectations, you need to let them work on their relationships. You are their guide. They can only do what is within them to do.

Just a suggestion...from an only child mother of three to another.

Answer 2

Sibling rivalry is usually about wanting the attention of the parents. As an only child whatever attention your parents had to spend outside of each other and basic needs was automatically yours. When you're the first born, you get all the attention until the next baby comes and then the parents need to focus a lot of attention on taking care of the baby and the first child becomes resentful of the baby who "stole away" the undivided attention. More children continue to dilute the amount of time the parents can lavish on any one child making the attention that much more valuable.

What's odd here is the two youngest are vying for the attention of the oldest. That makes me wonder if you're spending enough time with them since they natural person to fight over would be YOU, not a sibling. Perhaps if you made more time for all 3 of them things would get better. Plan some fun activities for you to do with all 3 of them together. If any fighting breaks out stop the activity. Pretty soon they'll learn to get along so all 3 can benefit from your attention.

Answer 3

I am the oldest of four daughters, man me and my sisters fought constantly! Because there are 3, one is always going to miss out. (which is why my parents had 4, so no one did, clever thinking huh?)

I can't remember what my parents used to do with us: I think they just used to separate us as much as they could. In our house, there was always someone arguing with someone else, it was a battle zone at times. It does get easier when the girls get older, I promise. (When they have grown up and left home) the girls have to realise that it is OK for one to spend time with the other. As long as the 'time' gets shared equally. I know/understand this sounds like an impossible feat, and it probably is. but it's the only thing I can think of!

All us four girls get along really well now, because we don't live in the same house!

I wish you luck, only because I know what your household must be like most of the time. I dont think I've answered your question and I'm sorry about that, I just wanted you to know, you are not alone! I understand completely!

Answer 4

People are competitive by nature. It's a survival technique. And one way that people compete is for the attention of their elders.

It's understandable that as an only child you don't "get" sibling rivalry. But most people with siblings probably don't think anything of it or don't even see it.

There's really no way to resolve it... it's going to exist. The best thing to do is to let everyone know that you love your kids equally and that you're always there for them. And also make sure you're doing your best to treat them equally and explain things to them when they think you're favoring one over the other.

Answer 5

easily, i might want to signify that you stay away from any type of 'low-order' punishments as a lot as plausible. that is crucial that toddlers of the type of comfortable age view their mothers and fathers as being united and invincible and god-like. issues which incorporates spanking, making them bypass to their room or eliminating their toys are common, actual punishments that the youngsters themselves can understand. using such punishments will provide them the concept you're in common words human, that you're not any further somewhat any more effective than them and they could get power over you. somewhat, you should attempt to apply psychological conflict, to so communicate, on each occasion plausible. do not punish; administration. in many cases, mothers and fathers sense that that is major intervene on each occasion their toddlers are stepping into even the slightest little bit of problem. although, that is giving the youngsters interest, and shortly they are going to locate that bothering their siblings is a robust thanks to get interest. somewhat, i might want to signify that you wait till both one, they get somewhat violent, or 2, one among them contains you for help of their own accord. even as this happens, do not manage the perpetrator; start up by technique of ignoring them and telling the sufferer what they ought to do in the experience that they are being concentrated (i.e., come to you, say such-and-such to the different sibling, and so on). this way the perpetrator will decide that perpetrators do not get interest, and this can decrease his incentive to attack. although, it is also complicated to stay away from appearing biased this way, so it would want to be a robust idea to communicate in purpose words, no longer about what 'you' might want to do if 'he' does something, yet what 'someone' might want to do if 'some different person' does something; that way both the sufferer and the perpetrator get the idea. undergo in ideas, more effective speaking. continuously make confident they both understand precisely what you advise, and continuously attempt to seem more effective smart, a lot less biased and a lot less emotional than they understand they themselves to be. Getting your toddlers to act precise is a frustrating interest, and it would want to take a lengthy time period. the biggest concern is, do not provide up. you're more suitable than the youngsters, you may save up the psychological conflict longer than they could, and also you want to make confident they preserve in mind that.

Answer 6

Well, siblings rarely get along... Many people envy only children.

Answer 7

listen i went through this too. i am one of six. the only thing you can do is to keep them apart when they are fighting and put them together once they calm down.