I am bored and I have only been at work for 5 minutes. Make me laugh!
2007-01-17 00:33:40 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
ok read this. blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
2007-01-17 00:43:25 · answer #1 · answered by yankee_lost_in_ga 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Q: What do you call an Essex girl with half a brain ?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do Essex girl braincells die ?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash an Essex girl ?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How does an Essex girl part her hair ?
A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
Q: Why do Essex girls wash their hair in the kitchen sink ?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: Why didn't the Essex girl want a window seat on the plane ?
A: She'd just dyed her hair.
Q: Why didn't the Essex girl want a window seat on the plane ?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear their hair up ?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
Q: Why is it good to have an Essex girl passenger ?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why is an Essex girl like a turtle ?
A: They both get ****** up when they're on their back.
Q: How do you make an Essex girl's eyes light up ?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: Why should Essex girls not be given coffee breaks ?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: How can you tell if an Essex girl's been using the computer ?
A: There's Tipp-Ex on the screen.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a computer ?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What do an Essex girl and your computer have in common ?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
Q: What did the Essex girl think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get East Enders....
Q: Why do Essex girls wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How do you kill an Essex girl?
A: Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
Q: How do Essex girls pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: Why don't Essex girls eat Jelly?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Q: What do you call an Essex girl with a fiver on the top her head?
A: All you can eat, under a fiver.
Q: Why don't Essex girls eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: What does an Essex girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
Q: How can you tell if an Essex girl has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
Q: Why don't Essex girls use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
Q: Why do Essex girls wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
Q: What do Essex girls do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
Q: What's the mating call of the Essex girl?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly Essex girl?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What's the mating call of the London girl?
A: "All the Essex girls have gone home!"
Q: What's the mating call of the Geordie girl?
A: "Next!"
Q: Why do Essex girls like VAT?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: What is 83 to an Essex girl?
A: 69 plus VAT.
Q: Why do Essex girls have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do Essex girls have TGIF on their shirts?
A: **** go in front.
2007-01-17 00:40:51 · answer #2 · answered by Bagpuss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2007-01-17 00:57:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q; What is black and white and red all over and can't get through a revolving door ?
A: A nun with a telephone pole through her chest.
2007-01-17 01:08:18 · answer #4 · answered by Vincent W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so njoy some of the jokes..
Height of laziness: a person sitting on the beach and waiting for the waves of the sea to wash his ***...
Height of Trust: 2 Cannibals giving each other kiss....
2007-01-17 00:52:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop Drugs
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope & appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men & I'd like to give you a 2nd chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend & try to show others the evils of drug use & get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday the 2 guys were in court & the judge said to the 1st one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well your Honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful! What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your Honor. I drew 2 circles like this O o & told them this (big circle) is your brain before drugs & this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable!" said the judge. "And you-how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy) "Well your Honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing!! How did you manage that?" "Well, I used a similar approach. (Draws 2 circles) I said,(pointing to small circle) 'this is your @$$hole before prison...'"
2007-01-17 00:40:46 · answer #6 · answered by K-E-G 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Her hair glistened in the rain, like a nose hair after a sneeze.
2007-01-17 00:45:08 · answer #7 · answered by lenrocdesigns 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just take a look at your avatar!!!! Really look at it!!! That's enough to make anyone laugh....LOL
2007-01-17 00:39:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q: what do a mans penis and a Rubix cube have in common
A: the more you play with them the harder they get...
2007-01-17 00:37:32 · answer #9 · answered by Small_And_Mighty 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Mom: son can you please buy food in the store.
son: mom im playing my kite.
mom: huh?do you think you can eat your kite?
son: mom do you think your food can fly?
2007-01-17 00:40:01 · answer #10 · answered by hotchixxxz 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋