A friend got a girl pregnant and she is due next month. However, information has come to light that the child may not be his and that at the time the child was conceived she slept with A N other. This information came accidentally from some of her friends on a drunkin nite. My mate has already spend a couple of thousand making a nursery and buying kids stuff in the anticipation of being a father. He is fighting to keep together with the mother (who is volatile at best). Do we tell him the additional information and ruin his dreams? If he demands a paternity test, it could jepordise his access to the child if it is his. She could also walk away from him with all the stuff he has bought for her and the child. What do I do?????
2007-01-16 23:25:55 · 24 answers · asked by tickTickTICK 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Tell him. tell him now. He has a right to know. Let him make his own decision and pray he still has all the receipts for the nursery furniture. Tell him to ask for a paternity test. Do you want to see him play house with a child that might not be his? If it is his, he has nothing to fear.
2007-01-16 23:32:41 · answer #1 · answered by kelstar 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A paternity test is the best answer. She cannot keep him from the child if it is his. Why do people believe that? If she plays games, he will have to get a lawyer. I think the saddest thing in the world is to fight to stay with a "volatile" mother. The child is the important one. Having a "pretend" family for the child does no good for the child. I grew up in a household like that. I am the only one of 4 siblings who has never had a drug/alcohol problem or been in jail. He sounds as if he wants to do the right thing, if he is the father, maybe he could be the custodial parent.
2007-01-16 23:36:25 · answer #2 · answered by fab 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that as a friend , you should tell him to take a paternity test just to be sure. You never know if the drunken words were true or not. I think it's better that he find out the truth instead of not knowing for sure and finding out later on in life after he's attached to the child As a father, he has rights to the child whether or not he's with the Mom, so don't worry about that. I would be more worried that he may pay child support for years for a child that isn't his. You know your friend and how he will react so you have to handle this with care and give him all the support you can..
2007-01-17 02:40:52 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to think of it in this way - the child's. How would that child feel in 10 years time he finds out that your friend isn't his dad after they have formed a loving relationship. Wouldn't it be best if everyone knew the full situation at the very beginning before people's feelings start getting hurt?
Also, how do you think your friend would feel knowing that for all this time his friends knew that there was a possibility of the child not being his but they kept it from him. As it has already been shown - things have a way of coming out in the open when you least expect it!
I would tell him and let him take it from there.
2007-01-16 23:37:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is not much you can do but be there for him. If he has any doubts that the child may not be his, by all means have a Paternity Test, before he gets too deeply attached to the child . Also it will be better to Know for certain than to carry that doubt in his heart and head for the rest of his Life. Another thing, it would be better to Lose all the stuff he has paid for Now, than to spend many years paying out and finding out later its not even his child. Go ahead Squash the Doubt in the head before it grows any larger..
2007-01-16 23:35:12 · answer #5 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
see what you think when the baby is born - looks wise I mean if you do decide to tell him he can do his own paternity test which you can buy over the internet without the mum even knowing!! he just needs a swab from the baby and some of his hair!! you send it off and the results come back after a few days!! it costs quite a bit I think - but won't cause huge upset as no one will really know!! if the baby is his - he never needs to say anything!! if not then he can pack his/her bags and do one!!
2007-01-16 23:56:35 · answer #6 · answered by Grace - baby No.2 due in October 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's your friend. tell him.the choice will be his to do as he wishes. whether to ask a pathernity test or not or to simply walk away. you might spare him some big trouble . at worst, the kid is his but even then the volatile mother won't be able to stop him seeing his kid. he has ground for doubting her,right? sleeping with another man is a ground for doubt indeed. at best the kid is not his and the volatile woman is playing your friend for a fool. so he will be able to walk away. the choice will lie in his hands. it's not your decision that counts.tell him.after all it's his life
2007-01-16 23:35:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the truth has a horrible way of coming out even if it's 5yrs or 10 yrs time. i would tell him at the end of the day the courts will make sure he has access a long process but living a lie is more damaging in the long run.
2007-01-16 23:30:42 · answer #8 · answered by missree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Seek much better friends!!!!! STOP partying with these losers, immediately. It's far better to be alone while you find new friends. You cannot solve their problems.
2. I'd tell your friend this: "i heard something that might or might not be true and it will hurt you and you might get really mad at me but as your friend and as someone who would want to know if i were in your shoes, i feel compelled to bring it up to you....."
3. Refer to 1.
2007-01-17 04:03:18 · answer #9 · answered by mickeymouse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult one, at the end of the day uv got 2 think about wud u want to know? wud u want to spend the rest of ur life wiv sum1 who lied to u and bringin up sum1 elses child? i think u sud tell him and let him mske up his own mind if he wants to stay with her or not, but if u dont he mite b worse off and it cud ruin his chances of being with sum1 he loves and having a child of his own, if this 1 is not his. xx
2007-01-16 23:36:26 · answer #10 · answered by Kimmy xx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋