I have been seeing a guy for past 7-8 months. He says he loves me but so far he hasn't made any committment to me. He says he cannot commit
1.unless his parents agree
2. unless his sister gets married
3.unless his brother starts earning (his brother is a doc. n is doing some research which wud end in abt 8-10 months)
His parents will consider me after his sis is married. His sister is completing LLB this May after which if she decides not to study furthur she will get married in june but if she decides otherwise she will marry in June 2009. I am 24yrs of age n i completed my P.G.in 2005. I am not in a position to wait till 2009.
To top it all he is going away for a year. i begged him not to or atleast come back in 6 months but he is not willing to do so. One year without meeting is too long n too unbearable.
Please tell me what i should do. Do you think it i should wait for him? Do you think after all these "unless" this is a relationship to stick to?
2007-01-16 23:24:56 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
give him an ultimatum commit or bye bye
2007-01-16 23:28:29 · answer #1 · answered by jimmythejock 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I think that there is something missing. There is something in his family that holds him back, religion? traditions? Sit down and talk with him about what you are feeling...you will then get a vibe from him on what he is feeling...this may not be something to do with you at all...he sounds like an outstanding kind of guy with his eyes on making sure he can provide, love and support a healthy family.
Is you question really about what he is doing(the "unless" list) or what you really want...what your dreams have been, being married by 25 haveing a baby living the good life, career in order? In a lasting relationship each person needs to give their all...do you feel you are giving that? does he feel like he is giving that? I read a book that was a gift to my husband for christmas...it is called Wild at heart, in there it talks about how men think differently then women. Men are made to have adventure, fight battles, and rescue the maiden in distress, while women are made to be the maiden in distress they want to be fought for. Are you asking to be fought for? Let him know that. Being honest is the only way to find the true answer to this question...talking to this man and some heavy thinking will guide you.
It is ok to go your own way and do your own thing...I have heard that when you love somebody you have to let them go...if they come back...it is ment to be.
I wish you all the power to make this hard choice. Best of Luck now and in the future!!
2007-01-20 13:11:59 · answer #2 · answered by Sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its hard when you love someone to see whats really going on.
I could maybe understand and be more forgiving for the family excuse about his sister getting married first, my husband is the youngest and his sister has always had a really hard time that we were married before she was.
What really raises the red flag is that he is wlling to leave you for an entire year without at least 1 visit. Honestly, if he loved you this would be such a difficult thing to do and he would be planning dates for you to visit and vice versa. If he loved you he wouldnt be willing to go without you actually.
I know it will be unbearably hard because you have invested so much of yourself into the relationship, but believe me there is a man out there who is waiting for you. He is your mr right, he wont leave you, he will want to shout it from the roof tops that he loves you and nothing will stop him from marrying you, especially his family.
Just remember that you are too good to be treated this way.
Good luck
2007-01-16 23:55:00 · answer #3 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
a few things.
A. If you two love each other and he is talking marriage, go for it. Don't wait until his sister gets married and so on. You want to get married, do it on your terms.... you can't live for other people.
B. If he is moving away and he is not willing to come back for you in 6 months, then you need to seriously take a step back and look at your relationship. If you love each other then it is hard to leave the one you love. This doesn't sound like it is the case with this man. You need to ask yourself if he is as serious about your relationship as you are.
C. It sounds to me like he either isn't into marriage or long term relationships right now. You need to reflect on your situation and look at the things he does for you. What are the types of things he says to you? Ask yourself if he is really into you or just biding his time. I know that's hard to hear, but it doesn't sound to me that he is that serious about your relationship.
2007-01-20 12:52:20 · answer #4 · answered by tonythelizard 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing for you to decide is whether that guy loves you or not in real or just an intimacy or fantacy ? how long is your relationship ? At what extent you both love/need each other in life ? The reasons he comes out may be the correct one but if he loves you he should give you some hint of strong commitment. After all its a matter of your both's whole life.
Now you see, if he loves you he must come up with some practicle solutions to make you ease. He says his parents must be agree and thn only he can marry u..now what if his parents dont ? what you will do if he comes up after one or two years with decision that he can not marry coz his parents dont agree ?
Well, we can not say that he is giving execuses. But the real thing is you should think for a while using your mind also and leave a heart a side for sometime.
You can have following ways :
1) Let everyone know at your home and his home also that you both know each other well and you both are very good freinds and goign to accept each other as a life partner in coming time and see how all reacts on your relationship.
2) If above thing is not possible thn one option is you both can marry in court and dont disclose until real time comes
3) Third is you must talk to that guy that you can not wait for that long and give the strong reasons for that. Tell him that why she should suffer? after all you both are involved in this relationship. Share The Pain And Share The Happiness must be the rule in Love.
4) If he loves you he must be confident to accept you in any case and yes your love should be unconditional. If you dont see any strong commitment or confidence in his talk or action, it will be better for you to come out from this relationship at this stage only however it will pain a bit but sure if you wont come out at this stage it gonna trouble you more in future.
5) You dint tell for what purpose he is giong away. It seems that you like that guy much. But remember one thing that you should not drawn yourself so deep in such relationwhip and shoud not go far in from where you cant come back also.
6) Try to involve your best friends, brothers and sister of yourside and his side and come out with some common and cummulative solution there of.
its my personal request not to lug behind that guy and dont go crazy. Use your brain to decide your ownlife. After you have your own life also. To select a partner in life is not only a right of only a guy or a gal. Its a Bond of commitment. If you both are not confident and cant commit and cant find the way out thn you have always way out to withdraw with less pain at this time instead sever pain in future.
Be yourself always
Wish you all the best to a friend.
2007-01-17 00:13:08 · answer #5 · answered by Yuvraj Jadeja 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I wouldn't wait for him. You have only been together for 8 months...not like it's been 3 years.
Those excuses sound ridiculous to me. What difference does it make if his sister is married or not? I'm sure his parents aren't going to say "no son, you can't get married until your sister is...." and what difference does it make if his brother is making money??? How do any of those things effect you and him?
Ditch him...he sounds like a loser. Keep looking for Mr. Right cause obviously, he isn't it!
Good luck :)
2007-01-17 02:15:27 · answer #6 · answered by Newmomofone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that guy is doing planning for 5 year long term project (just like Govt ) do . So i do not think that this person is suitable for you.
If he loves you then he should marry with you at the moment otherwise i do not think that it is good to continue such type of relationship. As after 3-4 years if anything breakes down between you and that guy then your mind is not in position to accept any other person.
so my advice is to not to continue such long term relationship without marriage
2007-01-16 23:46:26 · answer #7 · answered by sonali s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your care more about the age you get married then who you are going to marry. You really haven't been with him long at all, and things can change. Only you know if he is worth the wait or not.
2007-01-17 00:51:21 · answer #8 · answered by strtat2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have nothing better to do than you can wait. But life may have different plans for you. Keep your options open, and act as per the situation, that which you think best for you and your interests. The boy is also doing his best. In this life we have duty, and love and committement and relationships to nuture. we have to carry all the load.
2007-01-16 23:53:32 · answer #9 · answered by wizard of the East 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From ur description it luks like ur the only one who is makin an effort to make this relationship work...i think he n his family have to make some commitment to u...u cant wait endlessly for him...
Luks to me that hez just puttin conditions so that he doesnt have to commit himself...it wud be ok to wait for a little time if he makes some commitment n lives up to it....Also...he seems to be wantin to go away from u...while u seem to be tryin to keep him close...
i think that this type of relationship shud be two sided...not just from u...
do consider urself also..not just him...u have a life of ur own...ur own responsibilities of ur parents n family n other things too..take that also into consideration...dont just keep waitin..coz ur life is also affected by this...
and also a part of his duties towards u (If he says he loves u n means it) is to luk after ur needs too...I agree his family may be important to him...if he is seriously interested in u...then u n ur needs also shud be important...n he shud make some commitment to ur relationship...or else i guess its time to move on...n let him go...im sure there r others who will keep u happy...
i think its up to u to decide if u shud wait for him (if u think its worth the wait)...u know this guy better than any of us..so u probably have the best judgement..
and as to the answer of is all the waitin and "unless" condition is fulfilled worth for this relationship worth it...i really cant answer that...u say that he says he loves u...but do u love him too...do u really think that hes worth it?? wat do u think?? thats important too..
anyways u dont know wat happens in the future...so take a decision u think is right...n leave the rest to god...
Gud luck wiz ur decision makin!!!
2007-01-17 00:23:28 · answer #10 · answered by Urban angel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has a whole bunch of excuses not to. If he loved you he would explain to his parents that you and him are going to get married and would not be persuaded by them. He also should not be leaving for that long if he wants to be with you. It sounds like he is not ready, I would tell him it's now or never and move on.
2007-01-17 03:38:08 · answer #11 · answered by Kate 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋