Hi, I have a dilemma about getting married, waiting, or not getting married at all. Im 22 my girlfriend is 21 and we've been together for 3 years and everyday I feel more and more pressure from her to get on my knees. Verbally she's mentioned it a few times but this past month she's been dropping more and more hints like 'it would be nice to get married in 2007'. I want to be with her but im not sure im ready for marriage, thats not to say I wont in the future. But im scared to say anything because she's likely to reconsider our relationship as she's a very fiery person. I've over heard her saying to her friend that she's with me to get married and has no intension of staying gf and bf any longer. To me that sounds like an ultimatume. Im just scared that if I say im not ready she'll want to leave. What do you think people? (especially girls).
2007-01-16 21:54:51 · 22 answers · asked by Max 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to sit down and have a serious chat with her. Tell her you love her and want to be with her-but you don't feel ready for marriage yet. Let her know that you will want to get married-but now isn't the time,and if pushed,it will only result in both of you being unhappy. As a happy medium,why not get engaged with no time set for marriage-it will give her the feeling of commitment she so obviously craves.
Though I do realize many young girls are eager to get married-the question is does she love you and want to spend her life with you? A piece of paper isn't what's important-it's the love and commitment the 2 of you share.
2007-01-16 22:15:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel like you've been dished an ultimatume or feel pressure to do it, Do not do it!!!! Please dont!!!
I made this mistake. I was in this situation, in her shoes myself. My partner at the time had proposed and we were engaged for 3 years before I said to him, will either you do or you dont, but I'm not gonna hang around any longer, so he agreed. We got married just after 4 years of engagement, and I was happy, well for while. He wasn't ready, but rather than telling me this, he let the relationship deteriorate. I left him las year, 3 years and two months after marriage. The divorce is being declared absolute this month.
Sometimes I feel like maybe I did put a bit of pressure on him about it, but he proposed to me and I said yes. He wasnt a good husband and treated me badly, though I dont blame myself for this ( you know, with me adding a little pressure about actually getting married.) Because he could have just said he wasnt ready, at least he would have been honest with me.
Tell her that you can see yourself getting married and settling down in a few years time, but to do it now, when you dont feel you want to or that you are even ready, would add strain to the relationship because you could feel resentment of your actions.
Say that more time as you are or even living together will give you both some more time to get a real insight as to what it would be like. Try it like this for a few years, and you may even decide you want to marry her then rather then feeling pressured into it a bit.
2007-01-16 22:12:50 · answer #2 · answered by Need_to_know 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Listen pal take it from me i'm 21, not married or in a relationship at all, DON'T DO IT. Honestly, here is my view you're 22 yearsold dude, if you get married this could very well be it, i mean the last girl, you're ever with. ask yourself this, do you really want to end it all right now at 22? and also is she really worth it? my advice no and no to both. Listen if she's putting that much pressure on you, ditch her, and just have fun for a few years, don't even think about a serious relationship till you're in your late 20. Lots of my friends are in so called serious relationships and 1. they never have time for anything because they are always too busy fighting with their signifigant other etc. 2. constantly complain to me about it and are miserable. and 3. while these "relationships" last from anywhere from a few months to a few years they all usually end anyway. right now my life is relaxed i can go out have a good time do what i want, i'm loving every minute of it, and i don't plan on even mentioning marriage let alone a serious relationship in my life till much later on. think about it what's the point of a "serious relationship" besides the whole "you love the person etc" it's basically investing time with someone who you could possibly get married to. now think about this , since there really is no point in getting married anytime soon, like i just said, then what's the point of having a serious relationship right now? exactly there is no point. dude i'm 21 you're 22, we're still young, basically kids. my whole point, have fun with your life now man, these are the best times of it you're early and mid 20s. you have pleanty of time later on in ten years or so to have a serious relationship and all that, but have fun now and relax like you should. sorry if this is long but so many people like you who are around my age getting married is just not the way to go anymore. be you're own man enjoy yourself now while you can.
2007-01-16 22:09:05 · answer #3 · answered by ev 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi
I think you should really sit down with her and explain that you love her and could see you both spending a lifetime with each other but you feel like your being pressured into getting engaged. Tell her that when you do decide you want to get married you want to make it special for her and you want to feel as though your both ready. Remind her that girls are usually more mature and ready for these kinds of commitments and that although you are both happy now, forcing you into a commitment to early may just break the strong bond you both have.
Please don't rush into this because you feel pressured, there are far to many couples getting divorced, remember, marriage is supposed to be for life.
Marrage is a two way street, if she doesnt understand your feelings just now, will she when your married? Its going to make life much harder if you cant communicate how you both feel.
Good Luck
2007-01-16 22:03:24 · answer #4 · answered by Scottish Girl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should only propose when you are ready to make the commitment and understand the commitment you are making.You are both very young and have plenty of time for that,I got married at 21 and I am still really happily married and very much in love(I am 31 now) and I don't regret it but there is so much I wish I'd have done before we took the plunge,I had my first baby at 22 and I realise now that we never made the most of our time alone.
2007-01-16 22:22:00 · answer #5 · answered by mumstheword 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let her manipulate you into marrying her. If you're so afraid of her now, what do you think a marriage with her will be like? She will never take your feelings seriously. She will walk all over you when it comes to decisions about having children, buying a house, vacations, etc. If you have a child and then get divorced, she will run your life until the child is 18.
If she is intent on getting married so young, but you don't feel you're ready, let her go.
2007-01-16 22:13:03 · answer #6 · answered by ginger 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she's this pushy whilst she's still your girlfriend, image how bad she's going to be once you're married!!!
If you aren't ready for marriage yet then talk to her about a 'long engagement'. You get to show your commitment to her, she gets a flashy ring to show off to her mates - and you can get married when you are both ready.
BTW - unless she wants a winter wedding you've left it a bit late for a 2007 wedding.
If she can't wait - let her go. It's never going to work out unless you're both in the same frame of mind.
2007-01-16 22:01:51 · answer #7 · answered by mark 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are both young sit down and try to talk to her. You could always have a long engagement as a compromise. Don't do anything you don't want to otherwise you will regret it later. Good luck. I got married at 19 and i am still with my husband 9 years later. We were together 2 years before we got married.
2007-01-16 22:08:53 · answer #8 · answered by jkdtw 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend and i are in the same position... i mean... We have a 6 month old together, and have fun together, still, and everything... Ive practically BEGGED him to ask me... I did ask me once but... He took it back a few weeks later saying he wasnt serious.. but He says he does want to marry me.. but not right now, he wants to make it special...
Anyway my point is, its KILLING me... Not knowing if he really does love me enough to marry me, especially since his mom (and pretty much his whole family) doesnt take me seriously... at 'parties' that include children, i usually get pushed into sitting with them.... I KNOW that if we were to get married, that would change.
But, like i said, my point is... I dont know what you want me to say but I know how she feels... It makes ME cry sometimes, so... yeah, but you COULD just ask her to marry you then plan the wedding for like... 2 years from now.. that should satisfy her a little... i knopw it would me. As long as she has some sort of 'promise' she'll be fine....
Good luck
2007-01-16 22:04:11 · answer #9 · answered by Chef Mommy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have plenty of time to get married. Don't rush it. If there is real love a piece of paper should not stand in the way. If this piece of paper is enough to break your relationship it is better to break it now than to get married, have kids and then break up. The worst test for a relationship is the test of time. You should pass it first and then think about getting married.
2007-01-16 22:02:57 · answer #10 · answered by jimmyJoe 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋