i have a lady, i had been dating till date. we have gone out for 12yrs now since high school. I proposed 2years back and had seen the parents. we were to b married this year but she is selfish. I have ask her to try and show some care but to no avail. now i have found a new lady who was just a friend before now that have all i think i need in a wife, the new lady is in love as well as i am with her too. we have been friends just causal for 3mnths now. i want to settle with the new lady but i am worried about the first lady. i do not want to hurt her but i need the second lady. what should do pls. do you think i am mad? sincere answers only pls.
2007-01-16 20:25:31 · 22 answers · asked by ineem20012005 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Leave first lady and go with 2nd...Do this before you get married...
2007-01-16 20:38:58 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From what you say it doesn't sound like your old relationship is healthy enough to get married, especially if your affections lie elsewhere. If you think there is a chance for the original lady to change and for you to move forward together, try counselling and make it clear to lady 2 that you are giving your relationship a good go and that nothing will happen between you while you try to reconcile. 12 years is a long time and any relationship runs the risk of becoming stale after that amount of time. You may just need to re-ignite the spark or it may just be time to close down the relationship. Whatever you do, dont cheat on the original girl without breaking if off coz that is really out of order.
2007-01-16 20:32:45 · answer #2 · answered by Ally32 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion I think 12 years is a long time to spend with someone and then decide that you like someone you've only been friends with for three months better. But, every situation is different nobody sees what goes on behind closed doors besides you. I would say to go with the person you feel would be there for you if you lost everything, the person that would be understanding and willing to put up with your good days and your bad days. That is what I would do. I would also think about asking your first lady if she thinks you two are really meant to be together or if it just seems like you should, because you have been seeing each other for so long.
2007-01-16 20:45:43 · answer #3 · answered by JenniRT 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not mad at all! If your fiance is being selfish and doesn't show that she cares...then its likely that she may not be too upset, who knows, she could be thinking the same? She could be in the same situation?
Before you do anything, and i mean anything, you must talk to your fiance, ask her why she doesn't care, ask her why she's being selfish and ask her if you really are the one she wants to spend the rest of your life.
Tell her that you've met someone else who actually gives a **** about you that you're interested in, but its hard to tell which way it will go, your fiance may get jealous and show that she cares, or she may turn around and say "fine, go and marry this other woman!" and that is when its your turn to start thinking, who do you truely want? Who can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with? What do you want?
But you also need to make sure that if you leave your fiance, the new woman may turn away from you, so basically you must talk to both of them, but mainly...do whats best for you. You must ask the new lady if she's interested in you, the way that you're interested in her, before you do anything.
Good luck.
2007-01-16 20:33:25 · answer #4 · answered by Yellow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as you are afraid of hurting the old lady's feelings, you should also appreciate that marriage is for life, and you will have to live with her for the rest of your life. If her selfishness is beyond repair, something that you absolutely cannot tolerate, there is no reason to stay with her for old times sake. You will be miserable.
However, have you had enough time to analyse this new lady? She too might have a flaw you cant stand. Nobody is perfect.
2007-01-16 20:33:57 · answer #5 · answered by pipi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ditch the first one dude!
If you think she is selfish now - just wait until you are married to her! Your life will be hell! She is the type that will make you take your shoes off to walk in the garden - seen it before - think about you, not her!
If the second lady accepts you for who you are and feels the same as you - go for the happiness factor! Don't worry about hurting the first one - she is to wrapped up in her own world to be to worried by such an insignificant thing as you walking!
2007-01-16 20:31:20 · answer #6 · answered by jamand 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if this is a culture thing, then be very careful. if it isn't follow your heart!!!!
better to leave the 1st lady than divorce in 5 years time and to find true love than to have not had it at all. Take the time with the 2nd lady and let the 1st down gently, don't start seeing the 2nd b4 you've dealt with the 1st.
oh! and good luck x
2007-01-16 20:30:38 · answer #7 · answered by madmoo0 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
rather leave the first girl - than marry her and only end up in divorce in a few years time... Although it is worrying that she did say she wanted to marry you - you are really going to hurt her. But maybe she deserves better than you.. if you loved her with all ur heart you wouldn't be in love with some other lady...
2007-01-16 20:43:40 · answer #8 · answered by Immortal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay in my opinion you are moving way to fast with the new chick... its only been 3 months... everything is always fine and dandy the first 2 years ... wait a while.. but if u have doubts about marring ur fiance then i think you should call of the weding or pospone it until u see what u really want. i dont think you should cut her out of the picture yet bc u have been together for a lllooonnnggg time ... just take some time off...
2007-01-16 20:31:09 · answer #9 · answered by b_77p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think when you get married you shouldn't want to be with anyone but that person that you are marrying. And I think if you have thought about being in a relationship with another woman then I don't think you should be marrying the first lady.
2007-01-16 20:36:42 · answer #10 · answered by luvgurl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
12 years? Its time to move on. Yes she will be hurt, but if she is refusing to marry you after all the plans were made and 12 years, she isnt going to change her mind. It sounds like she wants to get married, she just doesnt want to marry you.
You love this new woman and you are not married to the first, so though there may be hurt feelings, you owe her nothing.
Good luck with your new love.
2007-01-17 00:17:56 · answer #11 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋