My older brother...?

Question

Okay, I have an older brother who just turned 31 yesterday (I will be 27 in February), and I haven't talked to him in over 3 years. The last time anyone (other than me) in my family talked to him was over 5 years ago. Considering his birthday was yesterday, I've been thinking about him quite a bit. I don't even know if he's alive, married, has children or anything. I want to try to locate him and talk to him just to see how he's doing, but I'm not sure if I should. I'm not sure why he stopped talking to our family, I just know that he hurt our mother badly. She won't even mention him on holidays or anything. She considers me as her only son these days. He was physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive towards me until I was 17, but I've forgiven him for it. I also know that depression runs in my family and that all the abuse might be a byproduct of the condition.

Do you think that I should try to contact him? And if so, how would I go about finding him?

We also have a younger half-sister (she will be 23 in March), and I know how much she wants to talk to him.

There's no way I can just forget about him. He is my older brother and we spent our lives growing up together. I do love him and I just want to know that he's okay.

Answer 1

He's your brother, and you're never going to forget about him, and you love him for being your brother, no matter what goes on in a family, they still love eachother, even if they deny it, so contact him, or you'll be kicking yourself every time you think about him for not trying to contact him.
And who knows, maybe he's thinking about you, seeing as your birthday is coming up, i'm sure he is and i'm sure he misses his family as well.
Best of luck.

Answer 2

Well, a private investigator can probably find him for a fee. Why is not his concern. Just provide him with the info that will help him. Dig around for a social security number, that will be a good start. Now he may not choose to talk so don't be surprised at the reaction. He may be in jail for all you know. There is no explaining these issues...I have had the same thing happen and didn't know where a relative was till he died in San Francisco--from drugs. I would say you should just do what you feel is right for you. It may even start trouble that will be a setback for the entire family. If everything is OK now, have a serious talk with mom about it---see what she would seriously do. Then stick to her decision.

Answer 3

well i think you should.. to at least see if he wants a relationship with you. if he does with the whole family great but family should always try to work things out because when it comes down to it they are all you have.. once there all gone you just just have friends.. family is important and its good you forgave him.. thats a great step.. i am sure he was only acting out in his teen years as most do and later wish they had not. i know there are free places to find people.. also i am sure you mom has his Social Security number so that will be a big help coz if hes working and living it will come up. good luck finding him and hope you can become the brothers you should be. good luck

Answer 4

you should go for it. You have a good heart and God will bless you for it. Maybe he might be in a period of need right now? That might be the reason why you are thinking about him. He must be feeling very lonely at the moment. Cutting ties with his family must be very hard on him. He did not probably reach out to you thinking that you will reject him because of his past with you. Anyway people do change and he might be a better person now. And depression runs in your family? One more reason you should try to get in touch with him, he might need your support. It is not easy going trough life alone. If he is married and has a family, don't you think that you want to know your nieces and nephews. They also need to know their family and their grandmother. First, I would go to people finders to at least find his address and phone number. And if it does not work out, I would hire a private investigator to find him. Good luck. He might need you right now.

Answer 5

It's nice of you to think of him and even contemplate contacting him. Someone's got to make a move for the family relationships to mend (even though it wasn't your fault at all in the past). I guess depending on what threads you have of his last whereabouts, you could start from there. Do you know of anyone who he keeps in touch with that you know the contact details of? What about the whitepages? Where did he used to work? Does he have an email?

I'm sure he'd be pleasantly surprised to get a happy birthday from you, even if it's a little belated. Hey, and wouldn't you want to know if you now have a little nephew or niece?

Answer 6

Life is too short to be spent on keeping grudges. I believe time heals all wounds. Your mother may be acting that way just because she also thinks that your brother is no longer interested in keeping in touch with you, his family. Go and look for him, use Yahoo People Search. If you know the place where he was living before then use that information. No mother will ever be angry with her child. Think of the emotional relief you all will have once this mess is settled. I suggest you act now. I had the same experience with my father. He got angry with me when I decided to marry the father of my daughter without letting him know. He expected me to marry someone else who would then help us out of poverty. He got angry coz he thought I was being selfish and did not care for them anymore. I carried the grudge within me and stayed away from them. But the feeling of having a family was haunting me. I missed the times when we were still kids and very happy spending time playing with my father in a park. I was overcome by this feeling and decided to go home and be with them for Christmas. It was December of 1996. I asked for forgiveness and told my father how sorry I was for disrespecting him. It was the best Christmas I had with them, my family. But I did not know that it was my last Christmas with my father for he died the following year, January 31st. I was so sorry that I did not have much time to show my father that I really cared for them and that I love them. However, I was thankful that I made the right decision before it was too late. Don't you think this could be the right time to find him?

Answer 7

I am with you, after all he is your elder brother. What ever the problem he had previously must be forgoten and forgiven. I dont know how to find him except contact his friends or ex colleagues or any other relatives that you think is still in contact with your brother.
The other way is to report him missing and let the authorities search him or put it in the papers ( your brother may not like this ).

Good luck

Answer 8

I think you should try to find, may be he is in need, may be he is in problem. I can imagine he was not good with your mother but take it from me that your mother still loves him. What every he has done but a mother can't hate her kids.

Do you have any track of him, you said you last spoke to him 5 years back. Where was he, check him through net. Get some clues from his Friends, may you family.

Keep it to your self till you locate him and later disclose it to your mother.

All the best.

Answer 9

It depends on if he wants to talk to you. Is he doing drugs or drinking? As a person with a drug problem like myself it does make you very angry and willing to hurt loved ones. I'm not sure what you would do to contact him. Was he in your hometown?You can try to look his name up online. There are people search sites like anywho.com and yahoo or google. Good luck, I know it is terrible when family members don't talk.

Answer 10

i think you should try to find him it would be nice just to know how he is doing. you don't need to get buddy buddy like nothing happened unless you want to but this way you can put your questions to rest about how he's doing and what he's been doing since the last time ya'll spoke. i say give it a shot it's better than never knowing. good luck finding him.