How do you get your boyfriend's ex to stay out of your relationship..etc?

Question

I have been in a relationship for a couple of years now, and my boyfriends ex has yet to leave us alone. She comes in and tries to stir up things in our relationship, or start stuff between us and herself whenever she feels like it. I have confronted her quite a few times and everytime she tells me that all the drama is over, she's not that kind of person, etc. except it keeps reoccuring. She always tells me that my boyfriend has cheated on me and has done all of these horrible things. I kind of believe her just because I don't have proof either way if he did anything, but at the same time she could just be trying to break us up out of some form of spite. I don't know what to do about this anymore. I can't see a future with my boyfriend if I have to deal with this forever. A restraining order wouldn't work because she hasn't threatened violence or anything of that matter upon us. Any suggestions? I'm an adult, so teenage love advice isnt going to quite work on this

Answer 1

Oh I've been through the same thing. Two possibilities that could go either way: One, he could be secretly or indirectly allowing the constant prying to continue. In this case you need to find out if there's any communication between them going on behind your back. He might be instigating the "drama" through no fault of his own, or maybe he enjoys the conflict for whatever reason. Find out what isn't said first and then bring it out in the open. Secondly, she could have a fixation and hasn't moved on. "Lets just be friends" in reality very, very rarely works. The words alone might have gave her a sense of false hope, so she clings on to the idea of a reunion. In this case, your boyfriend needs to re-break-up with her, so that she understands the she doesn't fit into the picture. If there's any sympathy, you could always try being her best friend and setting her up with a guy just as clingy as herself. That way she'll have less free time to bother you.

Answer 2

Why are you putting up with this if you are an adult? You need to talk to your boyfriend and ask him if what she is saying is true. Then you need to tell him to make a choice. If he wants the relationship to work, then she can't come around. You also need to determine if you think she may be telling the truth about him cheating on you. If you think he may have, then why are you still there. Act like an adult and you won't get the teenage advice. This is immature and I'd move on if I were you.

Answer 3

Try talking to your boyfriend. I know that sounds like an obvious chioce but perhaps you should just sit down with him and iron things out. It IS, after all, HIS ex. If he can't get the balls to tell her to go away and leave the two of you alone, then drop him. I know that sounds harsh, but you are right; how can you have a long time relationship work with her nagging around all the time? Obviously you aren't going to be able to dissuade her from pestering you! That way, you can also find out if he really has been cheating on you.

Answer 4

I was in the place of the disturbing you ex. I thought that might be interesting to you to get the situation from another point.
Why did I do that?
First, I envied a happy life of the new couple. I liked even the new girl and communicated with you ok but somewhere inside I couldn't believe that it's not me on HER place so sometimes something dirty came out of me and I sayed smthg that didn't seem to meen anything but made the couple blame each other and so on. Time passed, I wished them good but again brought bad things to their relationship. I didn't want it myself.

The true reason was that I felt hurt all the time. It ended only when I recovered from that relationship and left them alone.

Try to talk honestly to your X. Perhaps she needs it. May be you would be lucky to make her stop.

Answer 5

She is winning----you need to get out of that race---you can't run it anymore. You are in need of the old ignore and it will go away trick. I mean it!!No more contact is necessary with this woman--just say yeah I heard that---then walk away. As a mature adult, you are dealing with an immature adult--you win if you do the really best thing--IGNORE HER. She really is very good at what she does--maybe you can clap after she tells you a story---big round of applause. If you do anything else it might not be too cool.

Answer 6

It seems like you may need to worry more about your boyfriend then about her. If you believe this girl that he is cheating, at very least you have a trust problem with your boyfriend.. At worse he is putting you at risk for STD's every time he sleeps around.
She may be lying or she might be telling the truth. You need to find out. Your very life could be at stake. If she is telling the truth she is your friend. If she has been very forthcoming she has to have told you something that is possible to check out.
Ask her over one more time and get her to tell you something that is check able, a girls address or something, and check it out.
If when you ask her for proof she stalls, or gives you info that turns out to be false, tell your boyfriend about all the times she has tried to break up your relationship, and make him get rid of her.

Answer 7

KK, I am a teen and I still do give advis for this kinda stuff. Your a mature adult now right? She's a mature adult. Tell her that you guys are aduts now and right now to you it seems that she is trying to break you and your boyfriend up. Tell her that she and your boyfriend had ther chance and politley ask her to stay out of it, and talk to your boyfriend about it after your conversation. In all reality the only opinion that will matter to her is his. So go for it and good-luck!

Answer 8

Whoa, you and your old man need to show a united front against this crazy broad. When she says something to you you say wait a minute, get on the phone with your boyfriend and say "Tina (for lack of a better name) is saying this about you right here would you like to talk to her?" If he gets squeamish run otherwise she'll stop because she won't be able to get over on you like that!

Unless she's a complete LOON in which case there's always: Oregon, or New York or China if you catch my meaning:o)

Answer 9

My mom always used anchovies..and fish..****..catfish bait.
She would take it..spread it under her door handles put it in places she would not find..like her air vents..in her house..her car.

If they still had a problem she would beat that ***...She's done alot of growing up though since she was in her 20's..and has found a way to stay away from such people and now lives a happy life with alot of class..unlike adults who act like teenages.

I noticed the problems my younger mom went through...I do not go to bars/clubs. I bet you do!

My friends and I do other stuff. We hang out at each others house..go to the lake..my wife and I strickly hangout with married people or couples.

Answer 10

You need to put your foot down. You need to let her know that what she had with him is done. It seems like she may still have feelings for him. Make sure that he is done with her because you never know whats going on behind your back. Guys can be very shady. If you think that he might have cheated you need to ask him about it and not listen to what she has to say. She might be trying to break you guys up so she can have another chance.