If spanking teaches a child to be reactive instead of proactive why use it in child rearing at all?

Question

The pressures of today's world are quite different than when I was growing up. I see kids really needing to develop skill sets to become healthy, productive, and law-abiding citizens of this country. More and more they need to be able to learn to think for themselves. We as parents need to give them really good tools in order to be able to do this. They need a) critical thinking skills b)creative problem solving abilities C) effective communication skills, particularly effective listening. In short, the world has become increasingly more competetive. We are short-changing are kids by using simplistic methods of child rearing like spanking. WE are not helping thm be ready for what's to come.
I'm not an advocate of corporal punishment to begin with, but I feel even more strongly about it with today's children.

Kids need to be taught how to think, not what to think.

I'm also a firm believer in the "7 Habits of Highly Effective People", by Stephen Covey

Let's all learn from Stephen Covey "Begin with the end in mind". No this is not intended to be a pun for all you pro-spankers out there. What I mean by this is are you thinking about the future of your child and what the world will be like when they grow up? This is the Age of Information people. You need to wake up! There are enough pressures in the world for young people to deal with already- why make it worse by inflicting physical pain on them. By the way I'm not a baby boomer. I'm at the tail end of Generation X.

Yes, I have one child. Of course spanking works for the short term. Just because it's something to avoid doesn't make it healthy

Dr. Spock's son did not kill himself. That is an urban legend!

The world is changing at a rapid pace, so our parenting methods need to change with it.

Even if Dr. Spock's son did kill himself, that is an overly simplistic argument.

Golfer, I do actually agree with you minus your low-blow personal attacks. It is important to lead by example. I agree with you 100% there. That way we can always strive to be our best in the eyes of our children. For this to happen we have to display very good self-control, and problem-solving skills. We have to practice good listening with our kids so our kids would be more inclined to listen to us.

Vato, that is absolutely true! Parents repeat what they've learned as children. Spanking is hard-wired into their brains. I was even reading one post where a mother had received a lot of corporal punishment as a child, went to school to study psychology, and was against spanking until she had kids. She changed her mind again and became pro-spanking, even a pro-spanking advocate! The reason why is simply because she was raised this way, and it was done so often it was probably hard for her as a mother to find alternative, more pro-active methods, which allow children to think for themselves rather than just complying with the parent's wishes. She sold herself on the idea of spanking her own children. It was probably an easy sell. It's always easier to revert back to core beliefs that one was raised with than to change an approach. Now that takes work!

Vato, I'm also not into Dr. Spock or necessarily even Dr. Sears. However, I do find books a helpful resource for child-rearing in general. Stephen Covey focuses on the family, and empowering individual family members. He has one out for families "The Seven Highly Effective Habits of Families." His principles are based on universal laws. I think books that help parents get unstuck are very good for helping parents learn more effective parenting skills.

I am not a perfect parent. I've made some mistakes in raising my son. I believe in providing structure and limits, but it's how you impose those limits is key.

I agree with Crystal. Reality discipline which teaches children reponsibility is IMHO a very effective way to teach children limits. In other words, keep the consequences natural or logical. 1) child spills a glass of milk he cleans it up 2) he breaks a toy on purpose, if it can be fixed , show him how to fix it. If it can't be fixed it's lost for good. 3) if a child steals candy from a store it must be put back or returned, followed by an apology to the owner/clerk etc.

Answer 1

I agree 110%!!

Spanking doesn't teach anything. Any kind of discipline can and will be effective if consistent. These parents just do what their parents did. It's a never ending cycle of abuse. The excuse "My parents did it and I'm okay." is getting old. I think parents should really reach out and think about what they are doing instead of just going the easy route.

People think that everyone who doesn't believe in spanking agrees with Dr. Spock. Guess what? I do not. I do not agree with most things Dr. Sears does. I am a strong willed parent and stubborn--it's my way or the high way. Does that mean I have to hit my child to get the point across? No. It means I give my children other sources of discipline.

Why does spanking "work?" I believe it works because that is the only consistent thing that parents use. If a child is used to being hit and is scared of that then they'll laugh when you put them in time out. There are far to many great resources out there to get tips for children--young children on discipline. You have to start young this way kids learn from a young age when what "no" means.

Good question!

Answer 2

Beating and spanking are two different things, I was Beat as a child jus because mom's havin a bad day. Give kids choices and let them understand that if thier decision is not positive then there are consequences (just like if mom and dad don't pay the cable bill you'll have no cartoons) just for example. Kids can grasp this as early as two years old with simple tasks such as if they don't finish their cheerios they can't play with their favorite car or watch their favorite movie. Now, I don't believe in corpral punishment either but I do spank my son or put him in time out. Y? Compare a kid that has choices vs punishment and see which one is emotionally stronger, the one that had choices is going to be emotionally more stable because he know that for every action there is a reaction and if that action is bad, then the reaction is going to be right behind it. Now I DO belive that some kids just don't respond to raising your voice and 'the look' and thats because some kids don't respond to anything but a spanking. That is my son, I can yell, I can speak in a normal tone, I can get mad as a hornet, but he's 2 and he's learning his limits and how far is too far and thats normal development. He knows that if he squeezes his juice box all over mommy's table the consequence it going to be a firm spank and he will clean it up himself (with help of course), but he's learning to be responsible even if its just little stuff. But thats jus tmy personal opinion. Older kids are harder because they've already learned to think the way they ahve and in order to change that you have to reverse the training they've already had. A beaten kid will most likely respond better to a beating but it doesn't mean he NEEDS to be beat. It means you have to find another way to get through to him. I'm not really sure if this was a question or if youre looking for opinions on child rearing but thats my opinion, for what its worth

Answer 3

I am a strong believer in "reality discipline." It is a parent's responsibility to raise children who can function in society when they become adults. When our children are grown, they will be expected to exercise good judgement and self control. Why would we train them one way (by spanking) when, as adults they would be punished in an entirely different manner (financially or with jail time)? And as to time outs, I've worked in child care, and I can say that this almost never works. So the punishment should fit the crime. If my daughter calls names, she needs to find 10 nice things to say about the person. If she broke her friend's toy, she should buy her a new one out of her allowance. If she makes a mess, she cleans it up. If she refuses to clean it up, her belongings are taken away from her until she can respect and care for them. However, there is one instance where I believe spanking is necessary. When a young child who is incapable of understanding the consequences of their behavior is doing or about to do something that would physically endanger themselves or someone else (touching the fireplace, swinging scissors, or playing at the top of stairs, for example), a spanking is a vivid picture to them that what they are doing is dangerous.

Answer 4

Actually we health care providers and psychologists do not recommend the use of spanking. It is a punishment and we do not believe it is good one of the many reasons Nurses will not say its ok to spank because where is the line that you can draw so the parent knows its too much. You can't. Also spanking a child for doing somethign bad negitively reenforces bad behavior. For instance if the child wants attention he is bad you spank him. The child does somethign good ntohing happens. Next day the child want attention again he thinks oh well why not be bad that way i will get attention. Positive reenforcement for good behaviors is the best way to go about raising a child.

Answer 5

When I was around 5 years old, I playing with my dog in our front lawn with my parents watching near by.
The dog's balls rolled on to the street and I decided I would go get it. I ran to get the ball and at that same time a car came driving past. Luckily the driver wasn't speeding and my dad ran and brought me to safety. After he apologized to the person driving and knew I was okay, he spanked my little tush so hard it hurt to sit down. Before that didn't make the connection to not go on the street, but after that i can tell you I never got with in 20 feet of that street ever again. When used correctly, SPANKINGS WORK. I thank my parents everyday that they raised me correctly.

Answer 6

It all depends on how your spank. I disagree in that, my girls think long and hard before they break one of our core rules, why?? because a spanking is waiting on the other end should they try. I don't know how it is for you, but for us, spanking is NOT a short term solution. I have rarely spanked for the same thing twice, but i can't say that about the other methods. What does all that mean, well in our home spanking has it's place, just as time outs, taking privileges away, positive reinforcement........ We don't just spank and leave it at that, there is a lot of communication, teaching which goes on. We have a very strong family, and I wouldn't change anything we currently do to risk that. If your methods are working good for you then GREAT. Ours do to.

Good Luck

Answer 7

The "world" is changing? Who cares about "the world" -- have you ever thought of a completely different approach? Teach by precept AND by EXAMPLE. G i v e of yourself. Accept that YOU don't know it all and try raising them uprightly before God. I guess it's more difficult to teach something we don't HAVE. Would you like to "learn it all" and maybe pass a law that we should raise them 'your' way or just have your way taught in all the schools so we'd all be smart like you. Are we grouping a disapproving
swat on the knee braced rear of a 2 or 3 year old followed with love unfeigned with a drunk walloping the back of a 14 year old with a bull whip?

Answer 8

All I have to say is this: Dr. Spock started the no spanking era and guess what? HIS CHILD COMMITED SUICIDE. Does it work? Up to you.

Answer 9

Philosophy aside, the truth is that corporal punishment works and little else does.

Do you even HAVE children?