how do you learn to trust someone who cheated on you?

Question

my boyfriend and i were together for almost 3 years when he left me for another woman whom he'd been cheating on me with... its been over a year and we are now reconciled...his behavior has been completely trustworthy since we've been back together, i am just wondering what i can do to quit my suspicion and start to trust him again...

ive been cheated on in the past, and was abandoned and orphaned as a child, so i know i have abandonment issues... i am seeking advice on how to move past them.

Answer 1

It takes time to regain that trust, it took me a year and even now I still sometimes think what is he doing. But, trust is a big part of a relationship so try talking to him about it. Good luck. I also have problems moving on from the past things that happened all my life and to get over it I'm going to go to counselling at a church.

Answer 2

I won't tell you what to do, but here's what I think:

If it were me, I would know how to move past the issues. One, by dumping him. The best indicator of someone's future behavior is their past history.

Guys (and girls) who cheat are cheaters, and cheaters cheat. That's just the way it is. There is some kind of thrill in cheating. It becomes an addiction. Yes, you may have issues, but HE definitely has issues.

If it were me, I wouldn't take the chance with him. You are under NO OBLIGATION to trust him. The tone of your question indicates to me that you think YOU did something wrong.

You're not wrong to be suspicious and distrustful. If you weren't, THEN I'd say you have problems. The guy you're with has MAJOR problems. I fear you've become his co-dependant already.

I'm kind of worried about your "abandonment issues." I feel you may be setting yourself up intentionally. Are you sure that deep down inside, subconsciously or whatever, perhaps you WANT him to cheat on you again? That would then re-validate and re-verify your feelings of abandonment - a self fulfilling prophecy. Just a thought.

If it were me, I'd boot his cheating a*ss out to the curb. Let him find a woman who doesn't mind being used. They'll be perfect together.

Meanwhile, I suggest you talk to a professional.

Love Jack

PS: Milk Fur- damn girl, that was the longest run-on sentence I've yet seen on Y! Answers... keep up the good work, I love it! :-)

Answer 3

I had the same issues with my boyfriend and he seemed to become trustworthy but sadly he was a good liar instead I learnt don't keep giving someone second chances no matter how much you feel you love them if they were willing to do it once they are more than capable of doing it twice I left him and found my current boyfriend who as when i saw my ex last I thanked him because he introduced us and it was the only ever good thing I got out of him a good slap in the face and I feel more than better in life that he is gone, if he tries seeing new people while your still there maybe you should cut some time with him go seek new people your self see if you like it and if not get back with him and see if you can get over those trust issues with him you never know who could surprise you. With my ex I thought I wouldn't find someone else but now I feel so relieved I left him

Answer 4

Honey if the suspicion is with you now it wil NEVEr leave, unles you have a crystal ball. I suggest reading "He's just not that into you" Also ask for Grace and Strength to make the correct decisioninlife. Your BF probably knows how vulnerable, loving and forgiving you are, you are BETTER than this :) Live your life to the full dear!

God Bless

Answer 5

you in no way fairly do, it fairly is something you will slowly study to handle. whilst somebody else that comes into your life. you will consistently have your guards up, thats would be difficult, yet be trustworthy and open up front enable them to be attentive to which you dont % to start a relationship on any fake thoughts or hiding secrets and methods. you be attentive to what it feels like whilst somebody cheats on you. If the different individual feels issues arent going spectacular do cheat on you yet be a guy sufficient individual and permit you be attentive to that they % out. will harm yet a minimum of they are going to be trustworthy. solid luck

Answer 6

I was with my exboyfriend for three years when he cheated on me too. Luckily, we ended it then. We're friends, but I don't think I can truly trust him ever again. In my opinion, I don't think you should be with him. Trust is one of the most integral parts of a relationship. I think you need to find a way to move on. Good luck!

Answer 7

I do not have abandonment issues, and I would not trust someone who cheated on me, ever. I might forgive a little bit, but I would never forget.

Answer 8

Seriously No matter how many problems you may have, Do not ever take back a cheater! Because once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater!!
Drop his ***!! And Seek Counceling for your abandonment problems because thats some tramatizing ****!!

Answer 9

I have been cheated on in my past marriage and I don't think you can ever "forget" what happened. You have to find the cause of his cheating.. if he is capable of being faithful for the long haul. My marriage fell apart because I couldn't forgive and went on to cheat on him as revenge. It was very sad.

Answer 10

keep the communication lines open. dont let any bad feelings build up inside. talk them out with him or someone else you trust. or get professional counseling. its normal to have doubts at times. keep a journal if you cant talk to others. you just need time and reassurance. dont look for trouble.. you will either find it or cause it. if both of you are honest and talk to each other you can work through it.