How do I grieve for my beloved family dog who died this week, while helping my young children to as well?

Question

I adopted my dog from a shelter 11 years ago. She was my 1st dog and a true family member in every sense of the word. I had her long before I was married or had children. Since having children, my intense relationship with her mellowed, but was a good one nonetheless. She died less than a month of being diagnosed w/ bone marrow cancer. I'm devastated. My children are young & have been very fortunate not to have any death experiences up until this time. My son keeps telling me that he wishes he could "just pet her again." I would have told him before she passed, but she deteriorated in two days & my husband wound up in an emergency euthanasia situation on Sunday. It was so sad. We've tried to be as honest as we can without instilling fear. I know it is healthy for him to see me express grief, but I am really just devastated. I haven't done the dishes in 2 days and am in a real fog. I miss her so badly. People don't empathize with pet loss too well. How can I help us cope? Thanks.

Answer 1

I lost my first dog of my adult life when my daughter was two, and a few months ago we lost another one. We are really open and honest about our feelings. There is a book called All Dogs Go to Heaven that may help. We also planted a dogwood tree for our recent loss and hung prayer flags around his grave site. My daughter likes to pick flowers and place them on his grave. She also puts dog food on his grave (something she learned in the book.) Another great book is called Lifetimes. It deals with death in a very natural way. I understand your grief, and I think it is ok to break down around your kids. It shows them how much the dog meant to you and how preciousl life is. My daughter says thing like your son, and I just agree with her and we snuggle. We also still talk to Bubba, sometimes at his grave, sometimes wherever we are. You can find the Lifetimes book in the book section of my a store off my blog:
http://www.ecochildsplay.com
or click the source link below

Answer 2

I am so sorry for your losss. Grieving IS a natural process and something you go through no matter what age. Allow yourself this time to grieve - you and your son. If you don't know what to say that is okay. Speak from the heart. Tell him stories about when you first got the dog and the wonderful times you shared together. Be honest and open just as you would with any other situation but keep it to your son's age level. There are wonderful children's books about pet loss available. You can also construct a scrapbook together filled with wonderful memories and pictures. Whatever you feel will help the process. Take your time. DO NOT rush to replace the dog. That would be a very big mistake. You all need time. This was a family member. You all need time to heal. Give yourself that time.

Answer 3

This is a toughie no doubt. Well first of all, grieve your dog, you're no use to your family if you don't. I'm assuming you explained the death thing to your children. Have a memorial service. Look at pics, take time to cry with your children tell them its hard to see people you love cry, but it helps make the hurt go away. Go on a walk to a familiar place the dog liked. Take a nap with your children. Tell them stories of when she was a puppy. Then try to end the day in a family party.

Try to celebrate the afterlife of your dog as you understand it. Watch a movie and eat some goodies.

Really, take a day to acknowledge the loss to your family and tell you children that their feelings are not wrong, but they will be better in time.

Good luck and my heart breaks for you. The thought brings a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

Answer 4

Everyone grieves differently. Being the parent, you need to begin setting an example for your kids. Be compassionate yet strong. Explain that your dog was suffering and is much better off now. After all your dog was 77 years old in dog age.

I recently had a dog of 12 years pass away in my arms as I had to put him asleep. My wife and I still grieve after 6 months. We cried and cried for days and then had to remember that life goes on. It helped us to see pictures of him when he was young and healthy as a comparison to show how much he was suffering. After 3 months I put his photo above my computer monitor.

I now can remember him fondly without crying and I remember all of the joy he brought to me and my wife.

We will always have a moment where we see something that reminds us of him and we will get teary eyed but we have come to terms with it and believe that this is normal.

It is important for your children to see you as a great example. I know this will be hard because you are hurting so much but it is necessary that you do that.

After a period of time when you think it is appropriate you can consider getting another dog but probably not for awhile yet.

Your dog was blessed to have you and your family as his owner.

God bless you all.

Answer 5

my sympathies. we went through similar times...2 dogs both over 10 dying in under 2 years...and both w/severe medical needs towards the end.

my first piece of advice: do not get another pet anytime soon...give it 6-12 months, maybe longer.

2nd: do something as a memorial to the pet. we have a flower garden in our backyard that is our dogs 'memorial'.

3rd: as hard as it may be on the kids, it is harder on you. they are relilient and will bounce back before you are ready to consider doing so. depending on the child's age, check the local library for an appropriate book about death (this can be a very personal choice for a parent as it needs to be consistent w/the parental values.)

Answer 6

I understand what your saying. A couple years ago one of our family dogs died. We had had him since he was born. What helped me was to look at pictures of him (Bear was his name). I also tried to remember all the good times we had together. I tried to remember although he was gone and my family had given him a great home (he had kidney failure) that he was in a great place now too. I don't have experience with having to tell children but I would try to explain it to them in a manner that they can understand according to the age they are.

I hope this help in some way. Sorry for your loss, they are indeed family members too.

Answer 7

I would suggest "grieving with him" expressing that you miss your family member too but if your son every wants to "talk" or "be with the pet" look to the clouds or say it in a prayer
(depending on your religion) and remind him that your pet will always be carried with him in his heart.

and that you could even "say hi" in a prayer with him

but dont forget the most important part---you still got each other.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

try this website. www.petpeoplehelp.com