32 weeks pregnant so it might just be the hormones, but how do I handle this?

Question

It seems my husband can't seem to get anything right. I feel like I tell him the same thing ten times, like he cannot keep up with all the changes I want to make or the changes that I am going through. He is so assertive! I tried to ask his opinion on things months ago and he did not seem that interested. Now that I have planned to decorate and do things my way, he feels like contributing, but only his dissatisfaction with the way I am handling things.
He will let me eat a Big Mac and fries, but I can't have chocolate. He wants the crib in a certain direction and the boy MUST have his name. I feel like I am losing more and more control over this pregnancy every day because of his bullheadedness when I am the one sacrificing my body, my sanity, and I am trying to write an honors thesis (that I also have to defend in March) and I'm taking off the next semester to stay home with the baby. His demands and complacency are driving me mad! How do I stay sane and not ruin my marriage?

Answer 1

Oh dear! You sound stressed out! Take a deep breath. A lot of what you are feeling is probably partially related to hormones, but he's excited and has ideas too - even if he didn't share them when you initially asked. But the truth is, even though your pregnancy has been "real" to you all along, the reality and the magnitude of it all is just starting to hit him. Find a calm moment and talk to him about how you feel using "I" statements... "I feel_______Because_______and I want to______"
type of thing. Also ask him why it's important for him to have the baby have his name and really listen to the answer. It might help you understand his perspective a little better - and you might find out that what you both want is essentially the same thing, but you just have different visions.

It might not solve the problem entirely but you also need to remember that although you have ideas and goals relating to what you want in your relationship and how you envision yourself as parents that you cannot control his part in YOUR goals and that you can only be responsible for how you react.

I also know it's stressful writing an thesis and defending it - even with nothing as monumental as having a baby going on, so again, take a deep breath (have a piece of chocolate) and just ride the waves.

Answer 2

Is this your first child? I'm kind of giggling as I write this because I completely understand your frustration. It sounds like you are in your nesting stage. I completely re-arranged the house when I went through that. (both times) It drove my husband nuts, but he let me do what I wanted. But, it sounds like your husband is doing his own nesting. You both need to sit down and talk about compromises. He wants the bed a certain way and the name. He must compromise on one. Either the name or the bed and you must do the same. If the name thing is really that important to him then he can compromise with the arrangement of the babies room and let you have what you want, or he gets to arrange the room and you get to pick the name. I only mention those 2 things because you don't mention much about his bullheadedness. I hope this helps. Luck and health to all 3 of you!

Answer 3

I'm 17 weeks pregnant. My first dr. appt. was once at five weeks at which factor they proven the being pregnant and had my hcg stage demonstrated. It was once via the roof. The document mentioned it would be as prime as five,000, however mine was once over 7,000. Doc despatched me to get it demonstrated once more a couple of days later (stages will have to double each two days or some thing like that), and definite adequate mine has accelerated effectively. My factor is that I confused ALL weekend lengthy ready to get my 2d experiment, and in the meantime, I learn on-line a LOT, and what I found out is that hcg stages are NOT the foremost factor in a being pregnant. As lengthy as the extent raises effectively, it isn't important in case your stage is prime (like mine) or low (like yours). So do not pressure till you get the outcome from an extra experiment!! -But I are aware of it's tough to not pressure! Good good fortune!!

Answer 4

Wow, you sound exactly like me a year ago. :) Right down to the thesis. :)

First thing first - if you are like me, you are most concerned about the birth itself and how bad it will be and how he doesn't seem to care ("bilions of women have done it"). The truth is (after having been through it recently), it's not that bad and he will never be able to have that experience!!! You are lucky (even though it won't seem like it until a few months from now). And, if he's in there with you, he will never again say anything about how many women have been through it. As soon as he sees it, he'll know that it's something that he could never imagine going through and he'll see you as the Superwoman that you are.

As far as the decorating goes, just put your foot down. You guys may argue about it, but he'll get over it. When I was in the stuation, I gave in and redecorated everything the way he wanted and I regret it. You're the mommie!! You're the one who is going to be changing all the diapers and actually spending any time in the room!!! Believe me, you'll want to look at it and like it, not look at it and hate him. You see, months ago, it wasn't important to him because it seemed so distant, now that the baby is really coming soon, it seems more urgent. He wants to give input, and let him, but try to be as nice (and rational) as possible when he wants something that you don't. Believe me, he'll forget all about it as soon as he's in the delivery room crying! Even my husband, the biggest alfa male of them all, cried like a little girl!

The loss of control thing is a normal feeling. It'll get worse. You just have to relax and take a deep breath. Yes, it seems like the entire world is on your shoulders (and, essentially, it is), but you are a strong and capable woman and be confident in the fact that you can handle it!!!! I don't know if you are religious, but prayer helps, too. :)

The best way to do things, in my opinion (and experience), is to let the little things slide and not argue, but be firm when it comes to the things that are important to you. I don't want to say "pick your battles," but really, that's how it has to be when you're pregnant. You're in your own world and he will never understand (remember, that frustrates him, too).

Also, it may sound like a blanket statement, but as soon as the baby comes and you can both look into his eyes and know that this little guy is a part of both of you, all the little squabbles will be forgotten. At this point, you just have to find a way to relax and make it through.