Should I help her yet again?

Question

My sister is 28,she has 3 children.She is collecting disability&she has a live-in boyfriend who can work but,doesn't.Her income is only $600 month.Her oldest son,also collected disability but, she signs the check over to his dad.This is half of her income given to another male bum.She is currently in the eviction process of her apartment.She made a decision about 2 months ago against my advice,not to pay her rent because she said the landlord didn't fix anything.She was going to save money for a new apartment.I knew she couldn't save but, she assured me she had $1500 saved.Today,she admitted to me she has no money.I had to buy them formula,food and diapers.She had not made the efforts to sign up for food stamps,etc.She will be given 3 dys notice to get out.We have 3 xtra bdrms for her or give her $ to get a new apartment.But,we've been in this situation before and since August 2005 have spent $16K bailing her out.Do I help?or does she go to a shelter til she is ok on her own. Help!

Answer 1

already asked this question:..answered on the other time....thanks for the points though:)

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AmwAXaLvw_K3qLGvwauyYRvsy6IX?qid=20070114190055AA12l6J&show=7#profile-info-bf82e3e494b717636caefd70cd57f4ddaa

Answer 2

You have to ask the question, at what point do you stop helping someone? It seems you've invested a lot of time and effort on this person to start with - as others have said, she's going to start being dependent on you to pick up the slack when things go wrong, if indeed she isn't dependent on you already.

Honestly, I wouldn't give her money for a new apartment. There would be no way of proving beyond doubt that it's been used to secure a new place. I agree with contessa where she suggested having her live with you, but not the boyfriend.

If you decide not to help her out, don't worry too much. There are shelters everywhere for women and children who need a little help in getting back on their feet.

Answer 3

Perhaps you can let her stay at your house, but with rules and goals set down at the beginning. I would make her sign a contract before moving in.

I would NOT let her boyfriend live with you, just the children and herself. Give her a cut off date of when she has to move out.
If she is able to work at all, have her find a job. Make a rule that she has to sign up for all the public assistance. If possible, give her household duties in return for letting her stay there. Make her create a written financial budget which she has to adhere to.

If she smokes/drinks, tell her it is not permitted in or near the house.

If she breaks any rules, make her leave. I would let her know this is your last chance you are giving her. Maybe she can learn some life skills while she is there saving money for an apartment.

Answer 4

I know you want to be there for your friend but she needs to GROW UP. Its hard seeing someone you care for go through this but she will never change if you keep bailing her out. She needs to hit rock bottom in order to make a true change. That may sound harsh but it's the truth. Think about this do you think she will change if she is living with you? NO she will continue to live off you and just cause more grief for you in the end. If she needs to go to a shelter the thats where she has to go. At least she will have a roof over her head and food. They will help her but only if she is willing to want to help herself.You need to be tough but with lots of love. Good luck and I wish you and your friend the very best.

Answer 5

It sounds like you've done a lot for her all ready. I think she needs to make some hard choices and find out what its like to be on your own with no help. She needs to learn to be responsible and put her children before any man. If it comes down to it I'd offer to take the children in until she can find her own place. Hopefully she'll lose this guy she's with. He must not care much for her if he's not working and paying to live there.

Answer 6

If your sister made these poor decisions AGAIN, it sounds like you have become a "cushion" for her. She seems to think that you will always be there to catch her when she falls. She has to learn sometime....you know? I know you must feel a little obligated because she has little ones, but you can't keep being her "safety net". It's already cost you quite a bit of money. How much more are you willing to sacrifice? Sometimes you just have to say "No".

Answer 7

what state do you live in that doesnt give allowences for the kids? in wi they give the mother 150 more for each kid she has. Also her signing over that check to the dad and her bf living off her is illegal. If you let her move in with you id definatly make sure she gives you at least half of her check everymonth for rent. thats a sticky situation. hope things work out for you.

Answer 8

it's probably a hard descision for you because you wanna help her but if u continue she might never learn to live on her own
it's your call really or you could anonymously help her out some how and tell her she needs to start paying her own way

Answer 9

I don't know if you should help her neccesarily, but don't let her children suffer. I don't have sisters, but I think if one of my brothers were in this situtation, I would help them once but I am not so sure I would keep helping them and helping them because when they fail again, they would expect me to be there to pick up the slack.

Answer 10

you know it sounds like youve done all you can over and over again and maybe thats why she allows herself to get back into these situations because you are always there to bail her out.. maybe she needs a reality check and this will certaintly do it.
you can always help family out when they need it but its not your responsability to support her and bf and the kids you know.. you cant help someone who doesnt want to help themselves..

Answer 11

If she is 28 and acting like that I say you dont help her out but do for the kids cause its not their fault that their mom is unresponsible.