How Do I Get Over My Ex Who's Also The Father Of My Child?

Question

Just plain and simple, I still want to be with him but he does nothing for our relationship.
He gets mad and tells me that he does not want to be with me because I don't trust him, but yesterday I took his cell back and seen he had been doing what I had been accusing him of all along!
He had been talking to girls, and there was one he was trying to get with at a party this weekend instead of coming home to see his son who comes over on the weekends.
I think he just uses all this against me, tried to make me feel bad for not trusting him before I knew to keep me as his side chick.
Don't worry about our son, he's well taken care of so don't comment on that or any negative comments.
He was my 1st love and the 1st person I slept with, and I was his as well.
So how can I get over him, it's been about 6 months and I still want him...what can I do!?
It's so hard when I have to see him all the time because I want to be there to spend time with my son because I work weekdays and no weekends.

Answer 1

Time will heal this. You love him, but don't like him. My son's father has always been 16 in his head. He is the biggest child ever born. I could not STAND to be married to him, but ...he's the nicest guy you'd ever meet. We never married, but we are great friends and always will be, and our son will be 25 in March. Sometimes, they really DO make better friends than husbands. Just imagine...if you married him or were with him in a relationship, you may end up hating him. This way, you can afford to like him without all of the added stress!

Answer 2

First loves often leave an impact and yours has left a child meaning that for this sole reason you will be required to have regular contact. If you are separated then him seeking out opportunities for a social life and with whoever has nil to do with you. If he did this behaviour whilst together then you have a right to say something but that was then and not now. You have no right to snoop through his phone that is an invasion of privacy. Do you two have some sort of understanding regarding your relationship meaning you are together but not living together if so then you need to discuss the boundaries regarding this. As for your son the urge to be with him is understandable discuss this need with his father and agree to alternative weekends then at least you have your child and he has his time to socialise.
Yes you are right regarding your man and keeping you as a side chick, if all else fails out there he knows exactly where he can get some loving as he is well aware of your feelings. Show some independance move on go out with friends etc show that you don't need him and depend on him. It will take time at least doing it hard and alone you are acknowledging your pain and dealing with it. He is not right now and eventually it will catch up with him. Your little boy also needs his mom to be happy I have no doubt he is well cared for but they do pick up on our emotions. Go seek some counselling and get some help with your grief.

Answer 3

After a while you learn the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling downing mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure you really are strong
you really do have worth and you learn and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

Answer 4

I know you love him and want to be a real family ,but sometimes you just got to accept that somebody is immature,irresponsible,selfish,manipulating and stringing you along,using guilt trips,that is Phyc 101.Turn the blame around make the innocent party feel guilty.Your just gonna have to concentrate real hard on the future of you and your child.He may never grow up and you will get tired of being hurt and realize ,you are worth better.Sounds like you got good reason not to trust him.Don't let him mess with your head like that and plan a life with out him.If you take him back someday make him prove he is mature enough to be a husband and father and make him marry you before he get's you pregnant again.

Answer 5

Let it go, your little pup has turn into a full blown dog. He is only giving you that excuse because he doesn't have anything better to say. You don't have any business checking his cell either way, since you guys are already apart. He is a man, and most of them think with the smaller head, so of course he is going to get with other girls... he has to get some somewhere else. your time has expired with him. If I was you, I would make myself less available, maybe what he doesn't like is the fact that you are always acting so pitiful asking him to pls pls pretty pls take you back.
To me it could be one of the two, either he wants to taste freedom, since you been the only one. OOORRR he really want to move on.If he wants to play single and still wants you, he is not going to be too happy seeing you content and living your life. See, men are OK when they see us after them, but they get insecure the min they see you all dress up and ready to go and don't even tell them goodbye. You don't have to go out with other men, just go with your girls out, spend less time begging

Answer 6

That is a very hard situation you are in and I feel for you. I think only time will heal that. That, and dating other people will help too.

On the other hand, my parent have been separated for over 10 years, they both date other people, but my mom still loves my dad deep down...she was the same as you...first love, first everything.

Hopefully you dont turn out like her though cause it drives me crazy, good luck and Godbless!

Answer 7

It is extremely hard to get over a first love when you haven't had a child with them. When you add the experience of also sharing a child you adore...it gets much harder. You need to really take your time. Focus now on that beautiful child and yourself. Your ex proved you right unfortunately on his actions. He was not trustworthy and you knew it in your gut. In truth, you really don't want to be with someone who is not fair to you and who does not care for you the way he should. Your heart longs for the love that was there, but he is different now.
Be glad you found out that you weren't wrong and you can trust your instincts. Second, again focus on you and your child for now. Enjoy those fabulous moments with your baby. Third, get time out with your friends and family. Don't spend time trying to replace the love you lost with anyone's love but love from your child and love of yourself. Things will fall into place for you much better. Third, realize you are not alone in this. Many many single parents have unresolved issues and feelings with their exes. It is natural and eventually you will be able to move on to someone who deserves that love and will also give it back freely.

Answer 8

You may still have those feeling hon, but you'll have those feelings for the rest of your life because he shares a child with you! I have 2 babies daddies, and I can honestly say I don't have feelings for them like that due to our past, but there are friendship feelings there due to having a child with them! If you caught him in the act, WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU SUBJECT YOURSELF to a LIFETIME OF MISERY?? You'll constantly be worrying if he is cheqating, and 10 to 1 he will be! You saw the proof for your own eyes! MOVE ON!! It's going to be hard at first, but you can get through it! You have to put your son first instead of him... That first love will always leave a spot, but why overcrowd your feelings of him over your son?It's good that he takes care of your son, but if he is talking to other females.. Whats to say they aren't coming to his house while your kid is there? Giving him a guilt trip isn't going to work from the sounds of him. He is set in his ways to find another chick... Let him! You find yourself another man.... Once he catches wind of it if he loves you and is putting on a front he'll come crawling back!

Answer 9

There will always be a place in your heart for him no matter what- he is the father of your child. Just try to keep your mind on other things. He cheated on you, so he's not worth having a relationship with other than for your son.

Answer 10

ive been in the same situation minus the child. time is what will make u get over him, sorry its really hard but thats wot it takes.