Actually, we're already engaged, and that's why he's taking me for granted. He's hanging out with the guys SO MUCH, knowing that I won't break up with him since I've always tried to be a "cool girlfriend" who supported his "guys" relationships. I've let him blow off countless dates with me, and only recently have I talked to him about it, that I am NOT a doormat for him to walk over, and that we need to set specific times when we can do things together, regardless if "the guys" decide to call him to hang out. Tonight is another night like that-- I have not seen him since lunch-- he is playing with the guys until around midnight, and then we both have to sleep bc we have work tomorrow. I planned with him to let tomorrow be our day/night together but why do I feel guilty? It's almost like I know he's happy and comfortable with the guys- I feel bad for making him be stuck to me tomorrow... But ours is a relationship too, he says, and he wants to build it. What complete BS!! What do I do?
2007-01-16 13:59:09 · 15 answers · asked by reba 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You feel guilty because you should not have to ask the man who claimes he loves you to spend time with you. You feel guilty because inside I bet you feel you are doing all the work in the relationship and he is taking you for granted. It is not about you taking him away from his friends either it is about equal shared time.
2007-01-16 14:06:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice question. There are two ways to look at this. From someone like me who has been married 15 years and from the view of retired couples who have been married 50 years... Once you get married, everything changes. Seriously it does. You and your husband aren't worried about how much time you are spending together. Sad, but true. By the time you are old senior citizens you usually have your own routines and lives going. Yes, you still love your mate so much! In fact, without them life wouldn't mean very much. You get dependent on the other even though you might think they are stinky, obnoxious, and disgusting at times. But in general, they might only say a few words to one another in a day's time. The point is: Don't sweat the small stuff. As with men. Men like guy things with guys. Something you cannot provide no matter how hard you try. Some men though never grow up and want to play the rest of their lives leaving poor lonely wives at home waiting for the milkman or salesman to come by and entertain them. Perspective number two. I would dump him now! Forget he ever existed. If he can't realize what he has in you and is so hypnotized by his precious little routines and buddies he goes out with, then he doesn't deserve you and there is little chance you will able to pull his head out of the clouds. Remember, divorce rates are soaring over 50 percent! That's not 1 and million odds. That is 1 out of 2. So be careful. There are a lot of affectionate and attentive men out there. Find them! I remember during my courting phase, I spent every second with her! Then you would be asking the question: Help! My boyfriend is suffocating me! LOL.. Good luck! Sincerely, Otto
2016-05-23 22:44:34 · answer #2 · answered by Karen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you're feeling very sad about this issue. Hun, what you need to do is have a serious talk w/ him. Don't feel bad in doing so. You have to let him know that he has to divide the time between you and his friends.
Let him know that you're feeling like he's taking you for granted and so forth. You two have to compromise, he'll spend time w/ you one weekend and the next w/ his buddies. It's all about communication, after you guys talk, observe him. If he doesn't change his ways, maybe is time to reconsider the engagement. It's great that you've been a "cool girlfriend" BUT us women got to have some boundaries, and if we don't confront our boyfriends w/ their faults it only become worst. Good luck w/ everything.
2007-01-16 14:22:09 · answer #3 · answered by Goddess24 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This guy isn't ready to get married! Are you deluding yourself? His friends come first, you come somewhere in time after that. He has you believing that you are being a good girlfriend by letting him be with the guys. You are smarter than that so realize that you are being tricked into being the great girlfriend that you are by sacrificing your own happiness for his.
You deserve to be put in first place. He should choose to be with you over his friends and his friends could have a standing date with him once or twice a week until you are married. You're right; this is BS and you are allowing it to happen.
2007-01-16 14:11:25 · answer #4 · answered by sherockstn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok just so you know, another reason why he might be spending so much time with the boys is because since he's getting married, his lifestyle is going to change, and so he's enjoying his time with his guys. which is normal. but he is going a bit too far. its not like if he was soon going to face death instead of marriage. you should try telling that and reassure him that just because you guys are getting married doesnt mean that life has to be uptight and completely serious. and dont feel guilty for wanting him to spend more time with you. you are right about it. you guys just need to balance that current scale a bit.
2007-01-16 14:07:36 · answer #5 · answered by ursNonlyUrs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've know many new marriages that break up for this same reason. Please think very hard about whether you want to be married to someone who makes you unhappy. If he's wanting to spend so much time with his friends, he doesn't sound like he's ready to get married.
On the other side, make sure that you're planning things to do with your own friends. Pamper and care for yourself. Do things that you enjoy. A good book for you to read is Why Men Love Bit**es.
2007-01-16 14:04:45 · answer #6 · answered by Faith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think that he and his boys have a whole lot of fun so you are just feel guilty because he is use to being around his friend and you dont want to hurt that.which is normal who want to run a relationship with out comfort but his needs to spend time with his women and not just with the guys you need him too. so dont fee guilty your doing the right thing.
2007-01-16 14:09:24 · answer #7 · answered by mary ann 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm kinda in the same situation as ya.Probably u should just try to hang out more with ur friends too. Let him have a taste of days without ya. There's still certain stuffs that his friends cant fill him with.
2007-01-16 14:22:47 · answer #8 · answered by mai 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you said anything? I only ask because sometimes us guys can get wrapped up in our egos and not notice the lady in our lives in wrapped up in hers and feeling lonely.
I don't know your guy's experience in these things, but I wish I could talk to him instead because there's a man-code thing that prevents me from being perfectly frank here with you, but suffice it to say, you probably don't need that much attention: you just need a little romance and somebody to share your thoughts with.
2007-01-16 14:06:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not feel bad about wanting to spend time with him. If you spoke to him and he does not get it, you may need to decide what you want out of this relationship. Will you come first, second or third on his list.Good luck
2007-01-16 14:05:41 · answer #10 · answered by tigerprincess_bee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋