life is too hard.How csn I leave, leaving others the least damage?

Question

after the cancer i went back to work,then the side effects started. My husbond 0f 12 years left for an other, my son(MIDDLE) WENT T0 PRISION, 10 YER.sex related.Mom has cancer, I`m her caretaker.I went from a recovering "got a life" person,to someone how has prayed for GOD to take me out. There is no GOD, and there is no way out.

Answer 1

I am not going to tell you how to end it all.

We all have our problems to cope with. It is no fun having survived cancer to look after someone who is dying of it. You need support. I know that at this time you don't believe in God and I can't say that I blame you. Look to the church that you attended or some other such agency. The Salvation army is world wide maybe you have a chapter in your area. They will be only to pleased to help. Ask them for help with your mother.

YOU NEED SOME ME TIME.

Your middle son is in prison for a sex related crime. I presume that your son is older than 18. He is a young man. He is able to make decisions for himself. You can not be with him 100% of the time making his decisions.

The only person that you have responsibility for is Yourself. You only have control over you and your thoughts and actions.

Love your son. Support him as much as you can. Ask the prison service to make sure that help is available to him. Suggest to him to take that help.

Look after yourself first. If you are not right you can't help anyone else.

Start by getting help with your mum. Then take one day at a time. Make sure that every day that you do some thing just for you. Something that you enjoy or get pleasure from. Make new Friends. Make yourself into a survivor. Tell someone about your problems. Email someone. Get some one to one counseling. Talk to your doctor. You may need to use drugs for a while. You may be depressed.

I have deliberately not talked about your husband. He made his decision. You are NOT responsible for it. There are plenty of people out there get some friendships.

No matter how small there is light at the end of the tunnel. Head towards it. It will be a long and rough journey and I know that at the moment your can not see the end. It doesn't matter what you do you. If you opt out early you will hurt every one.

Answer 2

Please, understand that I see you're expressed all the negatives, & they are substantial. I agree. At the same time, truly there must be one positive--or even more? When you ask how you can "leave"--do you mean you're considering suicide? If so, it's obvious from your "...leaving others the least damage" that you're a caring person, (& some of us need to be needed). #1. Are you ready to abandon your mother? IT IS QUITE ACCEPTABLE IF YOU ARE. No judgements made. It's draining to be someone's "caretaker" when one already has much on their plate. #2. If this is the "damage" you mean, it is TOTALLY your choice. & ONLY your choice. #3. Many will tell you that suicide is selfish, getting even & so on. Not always true. BUT. It is a very, very serious decision. #4. In my practice, I've seen people who had every reason to believe they'd reached "the end of their rope." Some attempted & didn't succeed, & in time were glad they hadn't. A few did succeed, & in these specific cases, I considered them noble, & courageous. #5. Praying to god will never, ever be the answer. There is "cause & effect" which is ENTIRELY UP TO US. I KNOW there are circumstances when one wonders why they bother to continue. "The way out" may be as simplistic as looking at the "up" side of your life, & allowing "time" to help you evaluate just how bad it really is. I'm truly empathetic, yet I value life--& not from a religious point of view--but from my own experiences & those of so many I've counseled. I've had my moments, believe me, & there's nothing quite so rewarding as to "get past" the seemingly hopeless parts, & know you've done it--with strength & positivism. I'm sure I'm going to get "bashed" with thumbs down, which doesn't matter, because the things I'm saying have taken much time to learn. I sincerely hope you won't "leave," but I respect YOUR choice, based on only what you know, & no one can answer for you.

Edit: I believe that the answers before me were meant to help.
While taling with friends is sometimes helpful, my focus is on YOU & your most inner feelings. Also, I had a friend who recently died of cancer. Everyone prayed for her. When she was in remission, they all said it was "the will of God." When she then died, they also said it was "the will of God." I hope you'll give this a think.

Answer 3

This bleeding heart is her to tell you that life is precious. How sad for you that you don't know GOD. He is real and he does care. Struggles are a part of every ones life. You beat the cancer that in itself is wonderful. Your mom needs you. I know this is hard to deal with. I had to do things for my mom that I never would have dreamed having to do. She died in June and it is hard not still having her here. You can deal with your side affects talk to your doctor. You husband left... cry, scream, shout! You can get past a divorce... gee you beat cancer! Your son lives his own life. He screwed up... NOT YOU!! Stay here, stay alive... there is no easy clean way to leave this world. Whatever you do you are leaving someone else the heartache to deal with it because they didn't know that you were hurting so bad. I will keep you in my prayers!

Answer 4

there is a God and there is a reason for everything you are going through. instead of turning on God let him help you through your pain. it sounds like seeing a good mental health professional could help you. in the past seven years i watched my grandmother die slowly from lung cancer, two years later i lost my grandfather, i then miscarried a baby then got married was verbally abused had two kids my husband cheated so i left him then 6 months later i lost my mother then found out my son is bi polar and had to make an agonizing decision on whether or not i should put him on medications. (that's just the major stuff) oh and got engaged just to have him cheat on me and get another woman pregnant. but through all of that instead of saying why me? i wondered why not? especially after i got in a serious car accident and amazingly walked away literally with one minor injury when i should have been very seriously hurt if not dead. i feel like everything i've been through is for a reason and it will come to light eventually. and a lot of what i've been through has helped me help others. obviously you survived cancer for a reason. which means you are here for a reason. instead of wallowing in self pity try to see all the blessings you have in your life. good luck and i hope you seriously consider calling a mental healthcare professional.

Answer 5

God is right where He has always been - waiting with open arms(for us).

Life can have its share of burdens.
But they do not have to be something we have to bear alone.

Am sorry to hear that you have had so much to bear and that you feel you are so alone.

Many things we endure tho are of our own choosing.
Many things we endure were the choices of others.
Many things tho hard at the time can be endured and passed thru.

I may not always be all that I need to be but God is everthing He has promised!

May you find the peace for which you seem to search!!

Answer 6

you need a support group ,you sound a little depressed. i have been where you are life is very hard without all the other problem(cancer,caregiver,child trouble and so on). beleave me even though you cant see the light at the end ,it is there and it will get better,life is very short and very precious so dont give up just yet. talk to a Friend a clergy man,or a support group focus on all the things that you accomplished. you beat CANCER! you had a child gave life to another, what they did with your gift is on them not you. your not held accountable for there actions and as for your husband leaving you when times was at there worst is terrible but your life can go on without him who no's what is around the Corner for you. and i tell you god does exist i have seen his hand at work.even though we may not understand why things happen to us ,he is always with us in our darkest hour. i hope you find your road threw all your problems. and if you want to email me just to talk please do [e-mail] and please dont give up

Answer 7

I know when our life seems falling in all around us and we feel there is no hope, there really is hope if we just focus on Jesus. I know you probably don't want to here about God at the moment but I am proof that there is a God. Sometimes we don't understand why he does the things he does but we should not lean on our own understanding. In 1975 I ran out of gas on the Sandiego freeway at 2 in the morning and was hit by a car. I was thrown 85 ft. The Dr. didn't expect me to live so they just threw me together. I have had forty surgeries since then and I am still not finished. I had knee replacement about three years ago. It never really healed right. That was the worst pain I ever had in my life. When I was first in the hospital from the accident I was in intensive care for two months. I would come to long enough to say God help me make it one more day. Well I had to learn to walk all over again but I can walk Thank God. I have had cancer surgery. My mother died of cancer all over her body. I was my sisters caretaker while she went through her cancer. When she lost her hair, My husband shaved my head for me so she wouldn't be alone. I prayed for God to heal my sister, but like I said his will is not always the same as ours. He gave her the altumate healing and took her home to be with him. Yes we were all sad and hurt when she died but I knew she was in a better place and I also know I will see her again someday. She never once asked God to take her and she got pretty bad. We were raised to believe if we committed suicide we would not go to heaven. She always had a smile on her face for us. My sister - in - law had cancer. I went out and helped her for a while. There was one time she mentioned they should just let people die with dignitie. But she made it through and was glad she did. She had to go through it all again last year it was really tuff on her but she made it. My niece had to have both breast removed when she was only 29. She went through all the cemo and she made it. There was a lot of times when I lay in pain and I felt God wasn't with me. I would read my bible and pray for God to take away the pain but it would go away. Finally I decided to change my prayers and stop focusing on me, me ,me so much and I started praying for others and thanking God for giving me life and all the blessings he has given me. Guess what it all got better. Oh I have been married three times. This time we have been married 29 years and we have 8 children between us and 19 grandchildren. It has not been easy. My son has been in jail about 3 times on drug charges but I know the last time was the last time. He gave his live to the Lord while in jail this last time. He is now 40 and has finally grown up. If you take your life the damage you will leave with your loved ones will be horrible and they will be without the hope of seeing you again when they go to heaven. Please give God another chance. If you want to e-mail me you can at [e-mail]

Answer 8

As an Israeli living in the U.S, I can tell you the main reasonsIsraelis leave Israel are the lack of opportunity to make a living, to get an affordable advanced education, and finally; politics....

Answer 9

Alright, in spanish there's a saying roughly translated is God tightens but doesn't strangle! When you think things are at there worst they do get better! I know you are dealing with alot of tough issues but don't lose your head things do end up getting better in the end!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

I am so sorry for this gigantic pile of troubles you are facing. It feels overwhelming to you. I know you cannot see your way out of it all now. However, please see that tough times like these lead you to one of two conclusions, you need to walk away from God or you need to lean on Him all the more.
I strongly urge you to choose the latter. God IS there and wants to hear your prayer. He hears and answers the prayer that says "I cannot do this by myself. I turn it all over to you, God."