ok here is the thing , I have a step daughter she is 18 still my sweetheart , we are very close , however she justgot into alot of trouble and i mean jail time . She wont let me tell her dad and she wont tell her dad I am the only one who knows . Because it is jail time for her what am i supposed to do lose her trust and friendship by telling her dad who is my best friend or go on and tell her dad , who i know will try to help her in this or what she is very stubborn bullheaded and lived with her mom until she was 18 now lives with us so she is used to getting what she wants when she wants and very used to being the only child , what do i do , I love her very much she is my only girl and dont want to lose her trust .
2007-01-16 13:01:04 · 15 answers · asked by ricksfancyface 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'd explain to her that you and her dad are a team and that you cannot betray his trust to keep a secret for her. What you need to do is tell her that she has 24 hours to tell him, herself. If she chooses not to, you will have no choice but to tell him.
2007-01-16 13:06:21 · answer #1 · answered by sherockstn 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I have been here before. You need to tell the dad so he can help her. Without help she could spend more time in jail. If the father finds out which he will because it will be put in the paper...people talk you know and word does get around then he is going to feel betrayed by both of you. You need to let him know before he finds out from someone else. She may get mad but she is 18! she will get over it. Your marriage comes before something like this. She will continue to trust you.
2007-01-16 13:23:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No offense but don't be a part of the problem. It is her stubbornness that got her into jail. She needs to realize that her actions have consequences and that the world is not subject to her, rather she is subject to the world. She needs rules and boundaries or else she will never succeed in life. It would be in her best interest to tell her father. Before you do though, you need to find out why she is reluctant to tell him in the first place. Make sure he is a good person and didn't to anything to harm her when she was younger. If he is a good person then you have a responsibility to get her help.
2007-01-16 13:07:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why she is out of control and in trouble with the law now: Because you have been too busy being her best buddy to do any parenting. Stop worrying about losing her trust and start worrying about losing her dad's trust, when he finds out you've been keeping this from him. If she is living with you and her dad, he has a right to know about what's going on.
2007-01-16 13:13:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
relationships with children are precious, but nothing should come between you and your man. You should tell your stepdaughter that you don't feel right keeping a secret from her Dad, and since he is Dad, he needs to be involved. She just doesn't want to catch crap, and if you know for certain that he would handle this in a respectful and loving way, then it's a great opportunity to show her he's such a great Dad. It's NOT FAIR for her to manipulate you this way, how many times have you done this before, because it seems like it would be a pattern, but now that it's a BIGGIE, you are finally feeling guilty. Not good....tough position to be in, I know your instinct is to protect, but maybe she needs tough love to wake her up! Good Luck
2007-01-16 13:09:18 · answer #5 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a toughy, but you and her Dad are life mates and you should keep no secrets from each other. This directly effects his child and he should know. He has a right to so that he can help her, but more importantly, she needs to know that she should not go only to you but to him as well.
What a wonderful thing you and your step daughter have, and if the bond is as thick as you feel, she may be angry for a time, but then she will forgive you. Tell her you are going to tell him so there are no surprises and she can get her anger out before it all hits the fan. But do please tell her Dad. It is important for your relationship as well.
2007-01-16 13:52:07 · answer #6 · answered by trhwsh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too have a stepdaughter that i love very much. even so i would let her mend her own fences. My advantage is that she has lived with me since very young so she knows she can depend on me but if she gets in trouble its her own problem. Dad will find out of course and then he will be mad at you cause you knew all along. Guess you have to decide who you want to be ticked off at you. I- and this is just me- would tell the girl that if she didn't tell dad, then you will and explain why. She may be mad at you for awhile but not as mad as her dad would be. lesser of two evils?
2007-01-16 13:18:06 · answer #7 · answered by La-z Ike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is going to jail, won't her dad eventually find out...and when he does, he will be upset with you for not telling him. Right now, she is playing you in the middle - worst place for you to be. You have to convince her that it is best to tell her dad. Tell her that you want to support her but you don't want to be pitted against her father.
How will her father react when he finds out that you knew about this? Will he understand your position or will he feel betrayed by you? What will be worst, to lose you stepdaughters trust or to lose the trust of your husband? Who are you most loyal to?
The best thing would be for his daughter or his daughters mother to tell him. You have to try your hardest to make that happen. If you do not succeed, I think you have to tell him.
2007-01-16 13:12:10 · answer #8 · answered by truly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do the responsible thing and tell him. Regardless if she gets mad, she is still the person in trouble. What will you say to your man when she is not around anymore? (oh, sweetie, she's away in college) Trust or know trust, maybe you and him could help her out in this situation. Besides, shes 18 and its high time that she learned that not everything will be her way.
2007-01-16 13:15:52 · answer #9 · answered by liquidblue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell her dad, this is serious. She might get mad at you, but it's the right thing to do. You can't keep something like this from her dad. She has to realize she doesn't always get her way, she got jail time, her dad needs to know. Sometimes you have to tell someone even though they told you in confidence.
2007-01-16 13:08:03 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him. Your stepdaughter going to jail affects more than you and her; it's a family issue now. I know you care for her very much, but sometimes a (dare I say it?) mom has to take a hard stance and do what is RIGHT for her child, instead of what makes her child HAPPY.
I'm sorry, I know it sounds like I'm just telling you to callously throw away her trust, but hopefully you can glean some insight from what i said.
2007-01-16 13:08:44 · answer #11 · answered by John C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋