Have i just ruined my life?

Question

Maybe its not that drastic but....

I have been dating my brother friend behind his back.. reason being that i didn't think my brother would agree. I had planned on going up to my brother and just asking if i had permission to date his friend... but chickend out and never did.

Now my mums found out, and has been nagging about how i am a bad person, how i put him before my family, and how even if we do get together she's never going to speak to him and will never be welcome near her again.

I'm planning on saying something to my brother really soon, and i realise i should have done it ages ago, i do feel bad, but haven't been putting him before my family. familys what matters most.

But in saying that, if family is what matters most.... don't you think everyone should let me date him if i please? i can't help who i like and if he makes me happy, i would think family would be happy for me. if i have to decide i'll pick family, but i'll be heartbroken

what r your opinions?

Answer 1

You could be more than heartbroken later if your family keeps pulling your strings this way. Your mom's doling out a horrible ultimatum to you if you don't do what she wants. That's controlling you by manipulating your emotions.
The fact that you felt a need to hide it tells me and should prove to you that somehow they've already managed to get you to bend to their will, or what ever you would perceive to be their will.
Honestly, what is so bad about seeing this guy?
Will the family's world come to an end?
Recognize that you're being manipulated.
Here's a good clue: anytime you are confused about how YOU feel, look around...someone nearby is most likely playing a head game on you.

Answer 2

Well, it should be your life, not your mother's, not your brother's. You should not have to ask anyone's permission, either. However, that being said, being "sneaky" about it is bad. It dishoners your family and yourself when you are not honest about your life, especially when it effects them, too.

What I really find apalling is your mother's statement, "she's never going to speak to him and will never be welcome near her again." EXCUSE ME? That is a HORRIBLE thing to say, and shows much less respect of you than your silence ever said.

My opinion? Family does not matter most. Your happiness matters most. If you are the MOTHER or WIFE family matters most, but not as a sister or daughter. Why do I say this? Being a wife or a mother is the result of a decision and a commitment you made. You never asked to be someone's sister or daughter. That's not saying that family shouldn't be important to you, it should be very important to you. But the reason we bring children into this world is so that they can grow up and have their own lives, not so that we have someone to control the rest of ours.

Your life is not over. In fact, it might just be beginning. If you are under age and still living with your parents, you need to respect their decision and not date this guy. However, you need to use this opportunity to discuss the role that the will and will not have in your life. If you are out of the house, you really need to take this as an opportunity to reestablish family roles.

Answer 3

Well sometimes dating your siblings friends can be a tough issue, but it is not a crime and should not be treated like one. Why would they not want you to date him, is there something wrong with him? Is he in trouble with the law or something to that affect?

I think you should go tell your brother, and date him anyway, it is OK, they should love you enough to just leave you be.

You do need to approach it in a very kind manner. Be sensitive ot your brothers feelings, but what if this is the man you are suppose to marry?

Just be you and do what is best but sometimes you may have to put family secound in order to have a little happiness.

Answer 4

hm mm....first of all, family does come first. Adam Sandler's movie, Click really proves that but that's a whole different deal. There are really many reasons why this came to be. I mean...not to make this sound bad but what if your brother was dating your best friend and neither of them told you about it. Wouldn't that get a little strange, that they are always doing stuff behind your back. Then again. It really does depend whether or not your mom likes this friend. Overall, it does depend on your aspect. Is he really worth it and that kind of things. remember, there will always be another person in your life.

Answer 5

I guess your answer can only come from two people. Your brother and his friend have to talk about it. It's not just about you and your boyfriend. I think that your family should be happy for you. Hopefully since your brother knows him so well he'll be ok with it, rather than you going out with some strange loser.

Answer 6

A few things puzzle me here:
1) Why do you need your brother's permission to date whomever you want?
2) And why, if this guy is good enough to be accepted by your family as your brother's friend, is he suddenly chopped liver (according to your mother) if he's your boyfriend?
3) Why is it solely your responsibility to announce to the family that you're dating your brother's friend? Why is your boyfriend not standing by you when it comes to the big announcement?

Answer 7

I'm sorry, but I've never been in this sort of situation. But I don't get it. Why can't you date your brother's friend? It's not like your brother's bisexual and you're like trying to snatch his love away or something.... But I reckon family comes first in every situation. What you should do, is pick your family, and even if your heartbroken, they're your family, they'll see it, they'll see that you're heartbroken, and sad, and they'll do something to help you with the problem. Don't worry

Answer 8

Why would your brother not approve of his friend dating you ?unless of course he is a dog other than that your happiness comes first if u want to date this guy date him doesn't mean he is the one u will marry but for now he makes u happy

Answer 9

What is the big hairy deal? Your brother does not own you and you did not do anything wrong. What kind of trip is your mom running on you? If he is a good guy and treats you well, and is not too much older it should be OK. In fact, because they KNOW him it should REALLY be ok. I just would not tag along with bro and bf when they are trying to do dude things.

Answer 10

I don't see anything wrong with dating a brother's friend. If your brother is a good guy and has good friends, most people would be happy to bring happiness to his good friend and sister by hooking them up. The prob may lie in that your bro's friend isn't good for you...it's the only legit reason for your mom and bro to be upset...though how they're "caring" for you needs to be executed a bit better...