My fiance' and I live together. It's his house on paper, but it's my home too. Tonight he told me that he is going to have his brother set up his drums in the basement and they are going to jam down there. This is after we spent a lot of time and money renovating the basement with the agreement that this area would be used for specific things - not a jam room. I think he should have talked with me about it first, not made the decision and then told me he is going to do this no matter how I feel about it. Am I off base?
2007-01-16 12:24:53 · 18 answers · asked by wellbeing 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No, not off base at all.
Are they a serious band? or just "kickin it"?
If serious, then a little wiggle room for the fiance' .
Other wise, stand your ground.
It sounds as if he knew you would not approve, just try and understand he's feeling pressure too.
2007-01-16 13:04:05 · answer #1 · answered by medic_7083 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on the size of that basement that's a pretty significant decision to make without you.
This is the epitome of the negative side of living together. When's the wedding? If no date, give some thought to what things will be like long term.
2007-01-16 20:31:30 · answer #2 · answered by itsmeinin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely not----a house is a home and not a nightclub. You don't see them doing it at someone else's house---because they were told no and they are just at a loss for some place to go. Calmly and clearly state your case---compromise and settle on a time limit about how often this will occur...and when it will be that they play.Maybe when you're not at home or you can find a place to go and pass the time doing something for yourself. Remind him of neighbors and noise ordinances the town might have in effect.No need to annoy the neighbors or the cops. Of course I said do this calmly and rationally but if he says it's HIS house and he wants to do it, you can remind him that you will find other living arrangements as it isn't working out as you anticipated. Good luck on this on be fair.
2007-01-16 20:37:56 · answer #3 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way. He needs to respect your wishes, no matter what the papers say. Confront him about this, let him know that you two share that hme and that you don't want to have a "jam room" down there. Tell him to stick to what you two had already agreed on, or at least reach some sort of comprmise. Relationships are all about compromise, on both sides.
2007-01-16 20:31:46 · answer #4 · answered by Carolinii 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself if this is something you really want to argue about. Let him put the drums down there. When he has gone a full month without touching them, quietly fold them up and put them in a storage closet. When he asks where they went, tell him that he barely uses them and the space would be better suited for activties that you both enjoy on a more frequent basis. If he would like ot play his drums down there, that's fine. He'll just need to get them out and put them away when he is done.
2007-01-16 20:41:58 · answer #5 · answered by stampadhesive 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want both sides to win:
You two should make big decisions like this together. YES, Definitely. He SHOULD ask you first!!!! My little sis is visiting with us for 3 weeks this summer. YES, i asked my fiance! Answer: she can stay as long as she likes!
It's sweet for him to be able to spend time with his bro doing what boys do.
What's his compromise for you? There are times i feel my fiance had overstepped and then i stop to think of all he's tolerated with me...and then i realize that things are just pretty equal if you could even mathematically balance out a relationship!
Does your fiance go all out for you? Is this a relationship of big gives and takes on both ends or is it one sided? Its up to you and him to decide what kind of relationship this is going to be...!!!
2007-01-16 20:54:57 · answer #6 · answered by mickeymouse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him that you would have preferred him to discuss it with you first. But let's be honest, are you always shooting down his ideas, does he have to come to you for permission, do you encourage his interests and passions. Maybe he knew that if he discussed it first, you would have turned him down, so he figured that it was easier to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission. I'm just trying to see this from the other side, that's all. Otherwise, if none of that stuff applies, then yes, I would be a bit miffed...how often does he pull this type of stunt?
2007-01-16 20:37:39 · answer #7 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. But is it a one time thing or is he permanently setting up his drums. I would let slide once, but recall your agreement to him if permanent. You did both agree right?
2007-01-16 20:29:54 · answer #8 · answered by tokes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he is off base, but the more important thing is to get your name in the papers too. Otherwise, it's legally his, not yours. He can kick you out if he wants to.
2007-01-17 03:48:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your man is going to do what he wants without consulting you, what kind of relationship do you really have. There needs to be better communication and compromise, don't you think? On both parts.
2007-01-16 20:28:55 · answer #10 · answered by 1truthseeker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋