I mean without letting past events effect the way you are towards the new partner and spoiling things?
2007-01-16 12:14:38 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No new partner at present. Just wondered as I keep doubting I'll ever find someone and worry they'll turn out the same.
2007-01-17 11:33:45 · update #1
You'll never forget your past experiences, and they will definitely have some effect over all of your relationships, but that doesn't mean you can't have good relationships. There will be moments when things are said or done between you and your partner that bring up these bad memories, and it will probably be a little painful. Just talk to your partner when these things happen, trust me, talking about these things helps a whole lot. It gets a lot off your chest and you will feel so much lighter once you've talked to your partner about these things. But don't let the past ruin the present. Conquer your pains, your fears, and your weaknesses, don't let them conquer you. It's easier said than done, but it is possible. Through time, your pain will be eased and it will be easier for you to have good relationships. Trust me I know :)
Good luck :)
2007-01-16 12:25:30 · answer #1 · answered by Carolinii 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After an abusive relationship many years ago (mentally rather than physically) it took me a long long time to get close to a man again. When I think about it now, I would look for things that wasn't even there. I would be defensive in my relationships and eventually find reasons to end them. I believe once you find the right partner as I have (married nearly 8 years) the bad memories eventually fade away. Mine have and I hope they do for you. You can let go of the past. Good luck x
2007-01-16 14:51:37 · answer #2 · answered by Somer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's possible ...though the past is bound to colour the way you feel, think and react, to some degree.
It depends on how far you want to go in avoiding this problem - though a new and caring partner can go some way towards helping you as it's in their interest too.
Sash.
2007-01-16 23:05:32 · answer #3 · answered by sashtou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is....I've done it and now im happy, its good to tell ur partner that you had a bs time but dont dwell on it and try not to carry the baggage with you....if things pop up then u can talk and tell ur new partner how you feel.....its not worth holding on to the past cos if we all did that then we would never love again!.....would be a very lonely life don't you think.....the past is the past leave it there hon and move on and enjoy what you have now!! x
2007-01-16 12:20:26 · answer #4 · answered by Jp 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u can settle if u want to , try putting the past where it belongs , in the past , things happen for a reason , if u were still with your ex u would never of had the chance to b with your new partner , be happy n and enjoy your new partner ,good luck x
2007-01-17 05:19:30 · answer #5 · answered by charlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very hard. Sometimes you just have to let go of your past. Not everybody is going to hurt you. Alot of times people get in a pattern of bad relationships for that very reason. They won't allow anyone to love them because they are afraid that if they let go that they will get hurt again.. This behavior pushes a prospective mate away. If you meet someone that is good to you, give them a chance, you never know what might happen.
2007-01-16 12:19:25 · answer #6 · answered by Angela F 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont know,i cant settle even when i start seeing someone,because of being hurt badly in the past,i dont trust at all,i get paranoid at the least little thing and have a constant dread in my stomach,that it will all go wrong,I hope one day i will be ok in myself,i wouldnt like to think one nasty person will affect my whole life!
2007-01-16 12:53:39 · answer #7 · answered by NATALIE W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its not impossible. But its difficult. Generally i think you need to make a conscious effort to put away feelings of mistrust that are unfounded, they are just remains of past bad experiences.
Sometimes you can change the bad feelings and give a fair chance to your new partner, but other times you just can't. It really depends on how similar the new person is to the old person.
2007-01-16 12:25:21 · answer #8 · answered by mtatic55 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a matter of moving on, dwelling in the past isn't good for you, however if you do find someone who you are attracted to then it might be wise to mention the difficulties you've encountered before.
Look forwards and not to the past for your answers, past experiences make us stronger and educate us but should be the principles by which we live our lives.
Thumbs up for the future.
2007-01-16 15:06:25 · answer #9 · answered by Whisper4691 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just have to allow yourself some time to heal and let things work themselves out. spend time with friends and family, enjoy being independent. do things you have always wanted to do. forget about the pain, dwelling on it only intensifies the pain. get your life in order. i exercise when i am depressed and trust me it WORKS. just jog for a little bit and try and you will see what i mean. it IS possible but yes it IS difficult. the problem isn't starting a relationship the problem is learning to trust another person again.
2007-01-16 12:18:32 · answer #10 · answered by U.S MARINE GREG 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋