We wanted to help him because he was down and out, now he makes good money, and does not contribute anything, does not clean, cook, does not pay anything, yet buys himself expensive things ie. xbox, tv, car, lap top, etc. And leaves us messes for us to clean all of the time. How do we get him out without ruining husbands friendship?
2007-01-16 12:09:07 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Plenty of good answers here. But the ones who say "you must be rude" are mistaken. It's not "rude" to be firm and direct, or to tell someome something they don't want to hear, or to insist on your own rights.
2007-01-16 12:30:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's not a friend, he's a leech. Friends don't take advantage of frends like that. Tell him since he now has a good job, you want your privacy back, and he has two weeks to find a place to live. And in the meantime, he has to pay you rent and money for food. If he gets mad, what have you lost? And also tell him he has to clean up after himself. You aren't running a hotel with maid service. If he can buy all those things, he can afford to find his own place.
You have to be firm. He will never leave unless you kick him out. You have been more patient than I would have! If someone did that to me, I would have told him long ago to clean up his messes. Don't put up with it any longer!
Good luck!
2007-01-16 18:26:31 · answer #2 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put his xbox and laptop outside in the middle of the street. Tell him that some of his items are in the middle of the street and that he should go get them before a car runs them over. Lock the door while he's out there. It should be good enough of a hint, and he should have enough cash on him or enough skill begging (since he must have begged you to allow him to stay with you) to shack up at a hotel for the evening.
With these sorts, you must be rude. It is going to sound rude when you ask him to move out. Don't mention what a piggy he has been if you can help that; just tell him that it seems like he can afford being out on his own now.
2007-01-16 12:22:59 · answer #3 · answered by aanstalokaniskiodov_nikolai 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely need to set boundries with your husbands friend.As long as you allow him to take advantage of you,he will continue to do so.Why should he lounge around your home contributing nothing,buying himself expensive things?You need to figure out what is fair share should be for staying there,if I were you I would figure in food,pge etc for a month and ask that he pay towards this amount every payday.(for instance you charge him 600 a month,and he gets paid twice a month,then you tell him you expect 300 from him each payday.)Then I would have him sign a rental contract stating that he agrees to these terms etc.. If he is doing so well now you might want to suggest also that he start looking for his own place,and that you expect him to find his own house or apartment by a set date.By setting clear boundries with others from the beginning everyone knows where they stand,and things tend to not get so out of hand.
2007-01-16 13:06:28 · answer #4 · answered by FYIIM1KO 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line is: Legal eviction notice. If you had the fortitude to face this directly, with your husband's support, the free-loader would have already been gone. A one-time statement of intent to him to immediately seek new quarters and an absolute time of one-or two weeks is not unreasonable.
He is responsible for himself. The eviction notice may be necessary. Be strong enough to do it. This will result in bad feelings and he will not understand. Do not get caught up in a guilt complex. You have been patient and kind. Stop the abuse now. Good luck.
2007-01-16 12:23:11 · answer #5 · answered by intrepid 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are really patient! If it had been me, I would have asked him to help with the cleaning from the very beginning! I mean, it's something that I would do if I had lived at someone's place for free!
Until he finds a place, ask him to pay a rent and for his food, and to clean as well. If he can't cook, better not to leave him in the kitchen. But the rest he can do!
2007-01-16 12:55:39 · answer #6 · answered by Offkey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you under the impression that husband isn't aware of what his friend is doing? Freeloading is freeloading. If he was a true friend, he would now be trying to repay you for your hospitality and your support. But he continues to freeload and worse, to take advantage of the sitution. Dump him. Husband doesn't need a friend like that.
2007-01-16 12:13:11 · answer #7 · answered by old lady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At this stage, you shouldn't worry about ruining their friendship. You have to act to protect yourselves from him. You need to get him to leave ASAP. If he doesn't want to budge, you need to take drastic step to kick him out. Put all his belongings outside your place and lock up his room so he can't get in. A freeloader is not a friend. A friend won't freeload.
2007-01-16 18:41:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a situation like this, there is no right way. This person is taking advantage of you, whether they know it or not. Tell them, that you are glad to see them back on their feet, but now it's time to go. You need to room in your house for your family now, and not him.
Maybe you can help to find him a new apartment. Get him excited about being on his own again and having his own place.
2007-01-16 12:15:58 · answer #9 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Start asking your husband's friend to do a bunch of extra chores around the house while you are at work or shopping or something. Unless your husband is the one who typically does most of the cleaning in the house, in which case he should ask. Really load it on him, but do it gradually.
2007-01-16 12:14:58 · answer #10 · answered by tooqerq 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋