Child behavior?

Question

I have an eight year old daughter who recently insulted my wife while at a friends house. My wife was talking about joining the church choir and my daughter said " please you do not sing good at all" My wife was hurt and said " Really you mean that" my daughter said Yes, You do not sing good at all. My wife was embarrassed and her friends told my daughter that she was not being very nice. The thing is my wife does sing good. I think my daughter may be in competition with her mom. This would have never happened to me because I would have embarrassed her back by saying with a very stearn voice you will get a spanking when we leave, with that scary stare. But took it more personal and was hurt. Why would my daughter want to treat her mother like this in front of friends? Thank You for anyone who responds with good intentions. Thank You

Answer 1

We have to teach our children what is rude and what is not. I wasn't there so I don't quite understand. I am all for spanking, I sense your very upset, however from what you wrote, this sounds like normal silly child-like-behavior. My girls tease me all the time about how bad my voice is, lol. You shouldn't get embarrassed. If it was uncalled for (like i said, i wasn't there so I don't quite see the problem) you need to pull her aside and explain to her that what she said was very rude, and will not be tolerated. I would hold off on the spanking, save those for absolute direct defiance, life threatening actions, or breaking clear rules. I have 3 little girls ages 4, 7, and 10 when they get a spanking, it's NEVER a surprise to them, they already know it's coming and well earned. I know sometimes we get so angry at our children, we punish but forget to teach. First time offenses almost always never get punished in our home, but we do sit down and have a nice long talk.

Good Luck

Answer 2

If she wasn't being a smart aleck, then maybe she was just being truthful (in her eyes). It doesn't mean your wife is actually a bad singer, just because an 8-yr-old says she is (what kind of judge would she be?!?). I think I would have asked her who she thinks is a good singer, then talk about different types of voices, etc.

Regardless, your daughter should be able to gain an understanding that words can hurt, even if she does think they're the truth. This is the beginning lessons of diplomacy and compassion, and she's definitely old enough to learn these.

By the way, I don't think spanking or threats of spanking would be appropriate in this situation unless it was VERY clear your daughter was being deliberately rude. That would just have highlighted the situation and made it more embarrassing in front of your wife's friends. A quick comment like, "That was rude of you to say that, and I want an apology right now" might have had just as much impact.

Answer 3

It could be that your daughter did not understand the nature of the conversation, therefore made the comment out of misunderstanding. However, it was wrong and warrants punishment but a light one as it's not like she called your wife a foul word. I normally don't encourage spanking for just that but would say taking away TV for a few days for this and explaining that making harmful comments just is not good to do.

Answer 4

I think your daughter is at the stage in life where she is expressing her feelings whether it be true or not. She needs to learn that words like that hurt other people. I think she should have had a conversation with your wife where your wife took her aside and told her that her words hurt her feelings. Your daughter needs to learn that words do hurt. More often that not when you tell children about how hurt and bad it made you feel, they will feel bad and think back on what they did.
Your daughter may be testing her boundaries but you need to guide her back and teach her that when she says things like that it hurts others and its not appropriate to say.

Answer 5

Do you pay your wife more attention then you daughter? Mabey she is jealous. Or i could just be a little back talk, she probably didn't understand that it would be as hurt full as it was, she is only 8. But when i was growing up we had an issue with my mother always being in competition with her children. I remember hear a hundred times you always pic them over me. She always told us that as soon as we were born my father only saw her as a maid. IT was horrible. Just try to make sure that you pay equal attention to them both.

Answer 6

Did she get in trouble earlier and was mad at her mom? My daughter always say well I dont love you. It hurts my feelings but I just say thats ok I love you enough for both of us. You cant let what they say get to you. She was just being a brat in my opinion. Tell her that that type of behaviour will not be tolerated in front of people or at any time and if you have a problem then talk to us about it instead of trying to hurt someones feelings, epecially your mothers.

Answer 7

Oh, she just sassed her. Mom needs to understand that it's not about her singing ability. Take the insult itself off the table and set a consequence for dissing parents and backtalk.

Answer 8

She's eight and old enough to know that it's not nice to be mean to anybody especially her parent, time to start some discipline or your kid is going to be know as the school bully. I don't think that is any parents wish for their child.