How do i support her through her cancer?

Question

I have heard today that my mum has skin cancer and I am having trouble coping myself and i dont know how to support her, any advice would be appreciated.

Answer 1

Hi Lozzi

I'm a cancer survivor and I've also lost many friends and family to cancer so I can tell you from both ends.

To support your mom, listen to her, ask her questions, ask her if she needs to talk, and just be there to listen.

Encourage her on the bad days when she is scared, be positive and cheer her up.

Do fun things together, spend time with her, on those bad days, make her dinner or bring dinner take out home to her.

Go with her to appointments to give her moral support.

Educate yourself on the type of skin cancer she has so you can help her make decisions and talk intelligently to doctors, research all options of treatment.

Hug her and let her know you love her. It's ok to cry and feel bad, so many people feel they have to squash those feelings, sometimes it's good to cry together if it's bad news or scary, it makes you closer and refreshes your soul.

Send her little cards, and things to make her feel better and to let her know you are thinking of her.

Encourage friends and family to stop in and help out too, she may be too tired to do chores and shopping, they can offer to help, you can too, and she will really appreciate it.

Answer 2

You have just heard this news and have not fully come to grips with it yet. There are many types of skin cancers and if caught early are very treatable. The nicest thing a daughter can do is to "be there for her Mom". Don't be afraid to talk about it. This is very important as your Mom will need someone to talk to about it. No matter how bad it is make every effort to make every moment of your time together count. You have been given a chance to really know your Mother that might not have happened otherwise. Take one day at a time and cherish your time together. Some people never get this chance. Remember to let your Mom know your feelings too. There is strength in bonding. You won't regret this. This is your learning process too.

Answer 3

My best friend was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Ok, that is not the same thing as your own mother, but I think the support part is about the same.

What you have to do is to be with her, and while you are with her you must be strong and positive. If you have to break down, dont do it in front of her, do it with a good friend.

Be attentive to her : I mean, you have to see when she is tired and would like you do do something for her (or to get rid of people that are getting on her nerves ! ;-). Cancer treatment makes you tired and sometimes irritable. Your mom must not feel like she is a burden on you, but like she is the queen of the house.

Don't pity her. That gives way too much importance to the disease, and it will get her down.

Something you can do is to cook for her and clean the house. These can look like small things, but when you feel depressed and sick, those things tend not to get done.

Also, if she is staying at home, going out somewhere with her for a short while every few days, if she is fit enough, does wonders. Staying indoors all the time, in the same place, can get pretty depressing.

Hope this helps

Answer 4

Don't be afraid to be honest with her, and don't think you have to pretend to be happy and strong all the time. Sometimes it's in our vulnerability that we grow to love one another more. Love is so important because you two need each other's support. Try getting the support of other people too, people to cry with, people to surround you with prayer. I don't know anything about your situation, but if it's caught on time, skin cancer can be got rid of and not cause any further trouble. Try to find out from her and her doctor if it is at an advanced stage. You may be worrying far more than necessary. All the best darling.

Answer 5

Sorry to hear that hun.
Find out as much as you can about what type of skin cancer your mam has and find out what treatments she will be receiving etc, from personal experience it is better to know what is happening before the treatment starts.
Be there for her, fully support any thing she decides even if you do not agree with it.
It is ok to cry together share each others hopes and fears,
At home do more around the house,bring her flowers n just tell her you love her a lot.
If she needs to stay in hospital for a little while then visit as often as you can taking small things like her fav chocolate and keep her up to date with life on the outside.
you need to look after yourself as well, as if your mother sees you are looking worse for wear this will effect her,eat well and sleep well take time out to talk to friends
All the best take care x

Answer 6

Just be there for her. IF she is having chemo help with cooking ( she may not want to eat but if it is made for her she will at least try) and housework as it is hard to manage everything when you are just trying to cope with the side effects. Also go to the doctor with her and get as much written info as possible. At first they tell you so much it becomes confusing!! Written down it becomes easier to sort and understand. Make sure that she is surrounded by people who love her. Lots of people loose friends when they get cancer because the people around them don't know how to handle it.

Answer 7

Hi Lozzi ... (whats that short for?)
First of all let me say that I am sorry to hear your problem, sadly skin cancer is more common than most people think,but luckily most forms are mild and can be treated as soon as diagnosed. This is the key .. you must be aware of your body & get checked-out if you are in any doubt about anything unusual asap. There is not much you can do apart from just get on with things as normal.I am sure your mum wouldnt want to be ill yourself, that would only worry her more, so do not make a big thing about it & try to be cheery (without overdoing it!) that in turn will make her smile, if you are down so will she be down . dont you think? anyway I wish you both good health .. I tend to put things in perspective, there are lots of people out there with worse things, so we should think ourselves lucky. bye for now & tgc

Answer 8

My mum has bowel,bladder,Uterus & Liver cancer, so I know what you're going through. You need to stay strong & most of all positive.Read up on as much info as you can, learn what procedures she will be encountering as she probably won't remember half of it when it counts,you need to be her memory temporarily. Take notes at any appointments she has and ask questions!! Be prepared for her to become depressed at times,she will need to let it out.

Answer 9

first off, calm.

recently my nan died from cancer. There is so much i regret, so much i should have said and done!!!

Just do 5 things:

be there for her
love her (dont just do it, tell her!)
show her what you can be ( make her proud)
be HER rock!
Dont show your emotions in front of her! - this then got my nan into a state and she went down hill.

I hope this helps you in your troubled time. But remember, we all die eventually, it is the living that care for us and love us that keep us alive, i know it sounds sort of stupid, but every day i remember my nan, in prayer, in my thoughts and in my heart. a daughters love for her mother will keep her alive forever. just remember one day you and your mother will be together again!

I do hope this helps you and doesnt sound like im saying shes dying if this does hurt you please email me and i will remove it immediatly.

BE STRONG

all my love and thoughts are with you at this difficult time. x

Answer 10

omg thats so sad i couldnt imagien what id do ifmy mom got any kind of illness liek that....just be there for he whe she needs u...thats all u cna do