Why do people do things they can't keep up in relationships? Is there hope for us???

Question

My bf and I have been together for a little over a year. I have noticed lately that all the things that really made me like him, he stopped doing and I finally understand my irritations about our relationship. For instance, he used to cook and help me around the house (he is often at my house 2-3 times a week). The other day it snowed pretty badly, he left my house to head home pretty late, but I noticed that he didn't even shovel a pathway on his way out (my neighbor was sweet enough to do this the next day for me as I am a single mom). He doesn't keep a very clean house, so I guess I am lucky he somewhat tries if I ask. But I hate asking!!! It is annoying and actually angers me because we are looking at the same stuff. He wants to move in with me in a couple of months and I am thinking "no way". Rather than spend another month or even year with him, I am wondering if we part ways now based on compatibility. Has anyone experienced similar? Is there hope for us???

Answer 1

If you're not willing to marry him as is, don't do a pretend marriage by living together. It's possible you and he aren't compatible, but you got intimate so quickly you didn't get to know him on the level you are now. He is what he is, as he is. Accept it, live with it- or move on.
Don't get more involved and keep getting angrier or expect him to change.

Answer 2

Sounds like the relationship has gotten a little too comfortable. In the beginning, everyone is on their best behavior, going out of their way to impress the other person. The longer you're together, the less you feel the need to do that. (Kinda the "I already have him, why should I keep working to get him" mentality). Try going out of your way to do things for him... most men (decent ones) will be responsive and do the same. If he keeps taking without giving, have a serious talk. Either he starts giving too, or he can look elsewhere to live.

Answer 3

It's typical for men and women too, to relax into the relationship to the point where they feel like they shouldn't have to keep doing things for you. Now that he has won you over he's getting lazy in the relationship. This is what happens in marriages and livein relationships that causes people to fall out of love. Women typically gain weight, stop taking care of their appearance and get lazy in the bedroom. Men stop contributing the the housework, stop buying flowers, opening doors, doing romantic things, etc.

My ex husband refused to shave his spiny mustache, which tortured my face ever time he kissed me, he grew a huge beer belly and was the laziest lover I've ever had after just two years of marriage. He would also come into the bathroom and take a big crap while I was trying to brush my teeth and breathing through my nose, even though I asked him repeatedly NOT to do that and we HAD 2 BATHROOMS!

You have to sit him down and talk about this before he moves in. Tell him you don't want to be one of those couples that falls out of love a year or so from now just because you two aren't communicating or doing the things you need to do to keep your romance alive. Communication means being a good listener as well as telling your mate what you want from them.

Answer 4

It is extremely difficult when a couple has different standards for things like cleanliness because it turns into a constant battle.

I sort of think that you are asking a bit too much in asking that when it was "pretty late" he take time in the middle of the night to make you a path when it might snow again during the night.

I think perhaps you should talk to him calmly and rationally and let him know that his habits need to change, but remember that change takes time. I know you don't want to treat him like a child but perhaps you should tell him that instead of just getting angry.

Answer 5

Well my guess is first impressions. I dont know many guys that can keep this up for long unless they are a clean freak....if this is your only problem then i think that you wont find that perfect man out there, as i said unless you find a clean freak...good luck.