joe is my bf's son from his 1st marrage.the problem is joe wants consent one on one attention from my bf when he comes to our house,he even has to sleep with joe.joe is fine if he has a freind over to play with but if its just us he makes his dad feel guilty for spending any time with me.his dad can spend 9 hrs straight playing with him(which he does all the time) and then want to sit and talk to me for 15 mins and his son has a fit.he says things like "its my day to be with you i don't like this" i understand this is their "special time" but joe gets to be with dad every other day and weekend and 90% of the time he has his dads full attention. i also join in on games too.i believe the problem in part maybe my bf's exwife.she is very bitter and resentful of the divorce(even after 7yrs,he )and talks badly infront of joe about us.also she consently throws in my bfs face how he abandoned his family.my bf being a good dad feels guilty and gives into joes every wish thus spoiling joe badly.
2007-01-16 11:10:44 · 8 answers · asked by cathy8lucia 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
i don't think its about the divorce. my bf has been divorced since joe was a baby and we met 7 mons after he left his wife when joe was 18 mons.so this life is all joe knowns
2007-01-16 11:12:01 · update #1
Joe should get 100% attention when he comes to visit his dad. His dad should place Joe above everything! Even his new wife. A real man would do that, if he places you ahead of his own son, what's that say about him??. I don't know about you, but if that were me, I'd rather find someone w/out children. JOE COMES FIRST!!!!
Think Very long and hard before your get yourself into this. I can guarantee one thing, If you marry him, you will be back here in a few months going nuts about how you think Joe is the devil spawn.
2007-01-16 19:12:32 · answer #1 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend needs to lay down the law and let Joe know that his attention is needed elsewhere. Noone should dominate someone elses attention. Odd as it sounds, my 3 yr old daughter is like that. As soon as she sees my husband and I hugging...she's right there. Your boyfriend also may need to find out from his son what his ex is saying. I know...you should not put him in the middle...but seriously, if you asked the ex would she admit to blasting you? Have him ask Joe what he thinks of you and why? Good luck!
2007-01-16 11:50:17 · answer #2 · answered by Silver B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you and your to be husb need counseling before you marry on this.....He can not be the husb you need if he is allowing this child complete control of your relationship when he has spent so much time with him playing etc. It needs to be more like a home where no parent spends that much time trying to "make up" to a child.......its unhealthy....he should be over his guilt by now its been 7 years.
Joe needs to learn time out, alone playing, and that there is another person that is to make up a new family..you.
If your b/f doesn't do this joe will grow up with no respect of you at all......its by showing a home and unity what is needed not blaming all on an ex
2007-01-16 14:15:29 · answer #3 · answered by Gypsygrl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Things are not going to change because you all get married. Try to accept it right where it is without changing your expectation and then build from there. Please tell your bf exactly how you feel but be careful not to put your expectations on them. Be sure to take nothing out on the kid. Just pour good things into the boy, keeping working and communicating with him and his Dad and look forward to 10 years from now when the child goes to college and won't want to be up under his Dad anymore.
2007-01-16 11:18:05 · answer #4 · answered by Sleek 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are either going to have to deal with it. Or Just leave before you marry him. I have 3 children with my husband and they always want his attention. The only reason you might have a problem with it is because Joe is not your child.
2007-01-16 11:25:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have 4 stepkids the best thing that happened for the family was when the ex took the kids and moved all the way cross country. She was the most evil Witch ever!
2007-01-16 11:34:19 · answer #6 · answered by diana h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
FIRST OF ALL YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER JOE IS HIS SON, AND HE WILL ALWAYS COME BEFORE YOU. WHY DON'T YOU SIT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND AND TALK TO HIM, AND YOU CAN ALSO TALK TO JOE, TELLING HIM THAT YOU ARE NOT TRYING TO COME IN BETWEEN HIM OR HIS DAD. AND YOU ARE NOT TRYING TO TAKE OVER HIS MOMS POSITION. THAT YOU JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS. GOOD LUCK.
2007-01-16 11:24:05 · answer #7 · answered by misty blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs consistency. You are your fiance need to decide together what that will be. Stick to your guns. If he gives trouble you may have to resort to therapy.
2007-01-16 11:52:53 · answer #8 · answered by april_hwth 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋