I want a third child...how to take away the emptiness?

Question

I have 2 beautiful children. BOTH boy and a girl. They are both potty trained, and one is in preschool. I want a third. I have this emptiness in my heart. I know that I shouldn't have another baby, financial reasons only. Me and my husband have been talking about it, and our decision is both 50/50.
I am about 40 lbs overweight, we live in a tiny 1200sqft house, and my husband is the only one who works. I WANT TO STAY HOME WITH THE KIDS...my decision.
But what my question is, How can I get over the pain I have in my heart to have a third child. How did you decide to have a third child or not? Is this selfish of me?

Answer 1

Well, you have to take into consideration the financial issue and the space issue. My hubby and I have three kids..we want at least one more too, and tried a little bit( not very hard) and I am really very thankful that it hasn't happened yet. Financially we are not prepared for another either. He works full time and I work very part time, and I know that bills keep coming. A baby costs a lot as I am sure you know, since you have other children. They just get more and more expensive as they get older! I KNOW what you feel though! I really do! In my heart I want another really bad too. My youngest will be 6 next month and it seems like everyone everywhere I look are pregnant. It makes my heart hurt to think that it isn't the right time for another child right now..but I think my heart would hurt worse if we were unable to provide for any of our children because we chose to have one more at a time we shouldn't have.
I KNOW you want another, believe me, but you have to keep in mind the quality of life you want for your children! You want them to be taken care of properly. I suggest waiting until things are more in order. That is what we are doing, and as much as it hurts and as much as it isn't what I WANT to do, I know I am making the best decesion for my family, and future kid(s) by not getting pregnant right now. You will both know when the time is right.

Answer 2

Please don't take this wrong, but are you sure the emptiness you feel is from NOT having a third child? Are you unfulfilled with your life now? Look deep inside yourself, are you sure that what you are missing out of life is a third child? It could be something else. By having another child you are supplementing your feelings of emptiness by bringing another life in the world. To what? A loving home yet there will be more struggle and stress put upon your husband and your 2 children. You say you know it's wrong, then why have another child. Look into the good that you have now and make it even more beautiful. The time and love spent on another baby could be evenly divided to your husband and children...I'm sure they would be just as happy and maybe you too.

Answer 3

I absolutely regret the decision I made years ago not to have my second child. It was for financial reasons at the time. (I am a single mom). I didn't think I would have been able to do it by myself. But I would have. I don't mean to get religious on you, but God will make a way for you. Right now my son has enough to share with two or three kids!!!... seriously though... You are blessed with a good man (husband), two beautiful healthy children, and a nice home. If you happen to get pregnant again, it is because that 5th person in your family is supposed to be there. Don't feel selfish. Do what feels right. I wish I had....

Answer 4

you'll never regret having a 3rd (or a 4th) -- your situation in many ways mirrors ours (money, small house, stay-at-home Mom) -- we just had our 4th, we're very busy, a bit (OK, a lot) sleep deprived, but when we step back and look at our family we couldn't be happier -- I come from a family of five kids & my four siblings have provided a level of friendship and family support that no one else could -- I feel a little sad for all the kids from single kid or even two kid families that will not really have this

My wife and I spent a lot of time contemplating #4, we didn't agree one way or the other for quite a while but we just repected each other viewpoint, didn't take any "permanent steps" to keep the option open and eventually we arrived at our decision.

My wife actually ended up working P/T for the first time since before her first during her prenancy, it was even in our kids school, but it was still awful, we're all much happier now that she's home again

You're not being selfish, just honest, I was balking at the 4th for a long time for some legitimate reasons involving one of our kids who is disabled, but we never ruled it out, just left the option open. Eventually I came around and now I have the son I otherwise never would have had (just turned 3 months and I can already pretty much tell he's going to be a pro quarter-back ;-/ )

Hope that helps.

Peace, Zee

Answer 5

I dont ever think its selfish to want another child. That child is in your heart and you imagine them from before conception through their entire lives... before you even know them.

I grew up in a 1200 sqft home with my parents and two little brothers. My dad works two jobs, often totaling 60 hours a week or more. But we were a close family. We certainly were never on state aid or anything like that. Never.

Another thing you might want to look into is fostering. That can help fill the void since it allows you to help those with the greatest need.

Answer 6

First of all, you shouldn't have a child to fill the emptiness in your heart. That's putting a lot of pressure on the poor unborn child. My husband and I chose to have our third child because we wanted one. We wanted to teach her, love her, provide for her and we both felt like we had a lot to offer another child. Having a child to fill the emptiness in your heart is not in the best interest of the child. Have another baby when you are content with yourself (weight, finances, etc). Good luck to you!

Answer 7

I think you need to examine what the emptiness is about. Is it truly that you want another child or is it that you're feeling like you'd like something else in your life - friends, hobby, work?

If you truly want a third child and truly can't afford it, what about doing foster care - one child at a time? You would be providing an incredible gift for a child in need, have that "third" child and you would receive money for doing this.

Answer 8

I dont think its selfish. you just have alot of love to give! and thats wonderful,but why cant you get a part time job? and depending where you live, you can get like WIC, its a program that helps families to get food for the baby.
but you should get a part-time job, and ask family, or get a baby-sitter to watch your other children. you can do it!!
or sacrafice some materials. like cell phone? internet? or cable.
alot of families come more together, when they dont have all those things to distract eachother.
like for example the more gadgets a family has(or the kids) in their rooms the less time they spend together. so for intertainment get a board game.. or something like that.

Answer 9

It seems to me that you might be trying to fill another void - lack of fulfillment in another aspect of your life? How about you work on getting everything else in you life in order, before you have another child? Get your finances in better shape, lose the weight, improve your marriage, maybe get job, make everything that isn't quite right, right. Just a thought...

Answer 10

Keep it at 2 and be happy that you have the children that you do have!I have 4,and believe me,managing them is very,very stressful.