Okay, Mother in Law Problems-?

Question

I've done everything- i've helped clean up suppers, i've been nothing but nice, and i've done my best to be polite. Never left anything in her house, NOTHING! And she calls me...okay let's just say I've never been so insulted in my life. Now she wants my husband and I to dust her trinkets, clean her yard, and her bathroom...(we live next door) I haven't said a word to her after she called me things behind my back and yelled at my husband for no reason. (we live next door and I use her washer and drier), Confront her? Still avoid at all costs? I would want to call her lots of nasty things but it would hurt my husband's feelings. He isn't a mamma's boy, but lots of things have happened to his family and he's sensative about each member of his family.

Answer 1

Sorry to say, but you are now your husband's family and you should come first. Like I always tell my friends, he made the commitment with you and he comes home to you every day. He needs to realize that no matter what has happened in the family you are #1. You also have put in the effort and they need to respect that.

Answer 2

I have a feeling she feels entitled to her demands since you use her washer/dryer. You should buy your own set, or make regular trips to the laundromat until you are able to. My husband and I along with his siblings and spouses do spring and fall clean up for my MIL but only because she asks... she never demands. I understand that your husband is a sensitive man, but why would he allow himself and you to be verbally abused by this women even if she is his Mother.

I would confront her with tact... a very difficult task to say the least sometimes. I would tell her that regardless of how she feels about you she has no right to call you names and blatantly disrespect you. She does not have to like you but every human being deserves respect. Tell her that under no uncertain terms will you subject yourself to that kind of treatment from anyone. I would then keep away and only be there when it cannot be avoided. At those times I would show respect but nothing false. If she talks about you behind your back, confront her, again with tact, as soon as you learn of it. Drop names so she cannot deny the things she says.

She is obviously a bitter mean women and life is too short to have to put up with that. Good Luck to you.

Answer 3

Here's what I think you should do. You and your husband invite her over for coffee and be sure to sit at the kitchen table. Once everyone has their coffee and are sitting you should let her know that you want to understand and then put an end to all the bad words and feels. That you would like to get a long with her and have a good relationship with her for the sake of the family and for any future children you and your husband may have, so they can spend fun happy time with grandma. If you've done nothing and gone out of your way to keep the peace then it's time to stop this. If she says she doesn't know what you mean then this would be the time to bring up the things that have happen and if she still want's to play dumb then you may have to tell her that you've tried all you can and if she doesn't want to take this charge to clear the air and make things right then you've can't go on acting like nothing is happening and you'll just have to start taking up for yourself. This may or may not work, sorry to say it didn't with my step mother in law who all acted hateful to me when we were a lone and even mistreated my son when her husband wasn't around; I was one mad b**** when I learned that and it was also the last time I went to her house again, grandpa had to come to our house to see us. It's time to work to out or end it, you can't keep playing this game with her it will drive you crazy and end up hurting your marriage. Good Luck!

Answer 4

If you want to avoid your mother-in-law, then you need to go somewhere else to do your laundry. As long as you are using her washer and dryer, she will feel that you owe her.

As far as cleaning her house -- is she unable to do it for herself or does she just want someone else to do it? If she in not able to clean, then I can see why she would ask you to do it since you live so close. If she just wants you to do her work, you will have to decide if you want to do that.

You should not stoop to her level and call her names just because SHE does. It will only hurt your husband and I think you need him on YOUR side!

Has she always been this way? Does she treat others badly, or just you? I would limit contact as much as you can and just don't let her bother you when you do have to see her.

Answer 5

My mother in law didnt see eye to eye when my husband and I got married.She wanted to tell me how to run my house and how to raise my children.I finally told her that i had my ways of doing things but appreciated her advice.She finally got the hint.My situation was a lot different than yours my mother in law had cancer and was worried about her 1st born being taken care of as well as her 1st grandchildren.she told me this when her cancer progressed.She also told me that she respected me for politely letting her know that i could take care of her son.Amother in law can be a wonderful friend so talk to your husband about getting your own washer and dryer.Let her know that you will not be pushed around but politely she is your husbands mother.Hopefully she will see that you are a nice person and try to get along.I wish you the best

Answer 6

Start by either getting your own washer/dryer or start going somewhere else to do your laundry. You have been using her house and maybe she is tired of it?? Definately you dont have the right to call her "nasty things" ...you will only regret it later. Try sitting down with her and talking all this over.

Answer 7

She will take advantage of you if you let her. Tell her sure, you'll do those things for her and will charge her the outgoing rate what other people/buisnesses would charge her. Stop using her washer and dryer. you are giving her ammo to use against you.