How come women will have sex with me within the first few dates, but then tell me that we need to slow down?

Question

This has happened with the last few girls I've been with. We have sex early on and then they tell me that we need to "see how things go." I'm all for that, but why have sex with me in the first place?? I don't think the games are neccessary.

Let me clarify... these women still want to see me, make-out, and do "dating things" it's just the sex that ceases. I think they want to see if I'll hang out with them for who they are. There, I solved my question. I knew I could do it!

Answer 1

"women will have sex with me within the first few dates"

hmm, maybe I'm different, but I don't go on a lot of "dates"

some guys say things like "it's a numbers game" meaning the more girls they go out with "on dates", the better their chances of "scoring" or finding one they can have a relationship with

But I don't see it that way, I only go after girls that are really attractive to me, that turn me on, that I really want to be with in the first place. So, I don't hide that I'm very attracted, and I don't act like a perfect gentleman (I am gracious and have good manners, but I am very flirtatious, too), and I usually have sex with a woman the first time we're alone together (for hours or all night... as long as possible before real life intrudes), and if we don't have sex, then usually I don't make much effort to get alone together again (unless she's the type with lots of inhibitions but it still seems possible that I could get around them without waiting forever).

But still, sometimes (often even) a girl will say "things are going too fast" or "we need to slow down" (etc) but she doesn't actually want to slow things down or hear you agree that it's going too fast. "Things are going too fast" is a very unusual way of saying "I'm done with you." (That's not what it means.) "I think things are going too fast" is usually actually a question, asking, "Are you serious (about me)?" She's questioning whether what she's done with you was a mistake, and whether conitnuing on with you would be a mistake or not.

So's she's asking, "are you serious about me?" and she definitely doesn't want your answer to be, "yea I think you're right, we should slow down." (which equates to "no, sorry, I'm not very serious about you.") What she wants to hear is "yea I guess it is going pretty fast, but you're really special and this just seems so meant to be" or something like that. In other words, you answer "yes, I am serious about you" - she wants to know you really, really like her, and she isn't just a ***-dumpster. And after establishing that you are serious, she wants you to be passionate and loving, which will lead to her wanting to be shagged again, and you should shag her again, a lot. After enough shagging and sweetness on your part, she'll no longer wonder if things are going too fast, and will simply start to fear ever losing you. That's when she's in love with you, and the statement, "I think things are moving too fast" is actually one of the first signs that she's falling in love with you. Another way of interpreting it is that what she is saying is, "I'm falling in love with you too fast and it's scary for me." And since she's scared, you have to quell her fears. When something is scary, it's natural to back away from it - you can either let her back away, and not fall in love with you, or you can reassure her and let her feel safe to fall in love with you (that seems like the better idea to me!)

If you agree not to have sex after you've already had sex, you're shooting yourself in the foot, basically admitting to her that you're not that into her AND worse yet, that she's the one who controls the sex in the relationship, which is no good, no good at all. No good because women generally don't like submissive men, and a woman's feelings for you will fade quickly if you are simply submitting to her control (just saying OK and blindly obeying any rule she makes up).

Generally, women prefer the cat and mouse type game where she makes "rules" (or limits) and the man pushes the woman's limits til she is so turned on that she gives in (submits) and says something to the effect of "damn my own rules, just bonk me, NOW!!!" (Don't just submit to her (demands) then, either, tease her a bit... make her want it even more.)

Give her good orgasms, that's really the key. She'll stop trying to control (or limit) the sex if you please her enough (then she'll be eager for it all the time), if you prove that her needs and wants (that she didn't even know existed) will be met even if you are the one controlling the sex in the relationship instead of her. She'll trust you to take care of what needs to be taken care of. Plus, if you can do that, it will be really hard for her not to fall in love with you. Otherwise you'll never get anywhere with anyone you want, anyone worth being with, and will end up alone or in a really crappy relationship someday.

Hope that helps.

Answer 2

It's not really a game. There attracked to you but the truth that girls know is once you have sex everything changes and since they have had sex with you already they feel like they took things too fast and want to slow things down cause they don't want you to thing that its going to be all sex all the time or thats all you call them for and girls can do the same thing. Just don't rush into things and wait longer to have sex and I don't think that you'll have that problem. And their not playing games really.

Answer 3

What do you mean? Why women need to keep promoting they like casual sex? I dno't think they do. I've never seen women secretly discuss together how they're going to advertise the fact. In fact, some women clearly say they don't like it. Other women say they do. Maybe you're jealous because you're not getting any of the casual sex going around, so you're trying to pretend it doesn't happen? Because it does. Harriet

Answer 4

Girls are just like guys, we crave the attention sex brings. We feel desirable during sex. Sometimes we let things get away from us and regret it later,my advice is to take it in your own hands and make her see how better it will be if you wait a little bit and get to know each other...it may seem like ur rejecting her but if shes smart it will cool her down and give her time to see your right and you just might be worth the wait ;)

Answer 5

Could it be that you are getting too serious, too fast? Sometimes that scares a girl off. Do not let yourself look desperate. Maybe wait to have sex until you are sure you and the girl agree where you both are going with the relationship. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Ah, ha...but that's the way things are these days. When I was young, most girls needed to be "in love" to have sex--now people want to be "players" and have meaningless sex for no other reason than having sex. Girls, like guys, now want to think of variety being the spice of life.

Answer 7

matbe they want the sex first to see what you are working with, then after they get it it was'nt all they expected so then the only thing they can think to say is you all need to slow down!

Answer 8

They probably get bored with the sex, want to seek out other opportunities. If they are loose dont take it personally.

Answer 9

quit having sex so early on in the relationship. as u are cheating yourself out of really getting to know who they are.

Answer 10

It's a great way to weed out the undesirables.