I want a baby but my fiance' doesn't.....?

Question

How do I go about this. We both want children, I would like one now but he wants to wait a year or two to even start trying. I don't think he understands that we won't have one tomarrow and that it takes like a year. But he told me this past summer he wanted to wait til the fall (oct) but now it Jan. and we haven't even started trying. He keeps saying in a couple months, over and over. But really it's past a couple. Is there any way to get him ready or even willing to start trying???

We have been together for 4 years, we even grew up together. We have a house, make good money, and have college degree, I don't feel it is nessary to be married, being married doesn't stop any man for being a dead beat dad...I know he will be a good one, and he wants to be one. I just don't think that's now, I don't even know if he can picture himself as one. That's all.

Answer 1

You mentioned that he's your fiance. Maybe he's wanting to wait until you two get married, but doesn't know how to directly tell you. You didn't mention when the wedding is. That's my guess....good luck!

Answer 2

I don't mean to sound old fashioned here but you two are not even married yet. Is there a reason you are not looking at progressing further with that before you decide to throw a baby into the mix? Also you didn't state why your fiance feels he is not ready, are you two still in school, is he up for a promotion, how are you financially? What about the support of your families?
If you are trying to make it appear that your fiance is being selfish, you need to take another look. You don't seem to understand that a baby does start affecting things the moment you get pregnant, weither you want it to or not. It is a big big step that should not be taken lightly.
Perhaps the reason you two are not married and your man does not want to get pregnant is his fear of commitment. Then he needs to get counseling for that and then you two need to get counseling to work things out between you. If you trick him into having a baby or just keep begging, he may ablige and then decide 3 months later that he can't take, and leave. Then what are you going to do? To build a family, you have to do it in steps, if you miss a step, generally the whole thing crumbs. This is not an issue to toy with, you can mess up your own, his, and a babies life.

Answer 3

Either (a) he wants kids or (b) he doesn't.

If (a), then maybe: he's scared because it's a big step? Maybe he's worried about affording kids? Maybe he's worried all his fun will be over; you know, you can't afford the grown-up toys when you have a kid to consider. Maybe he's just worried that he won't be a good parent. maybe he' had a bad experience as a child and doesn't want that to happen to any child of his.

If (b) Then he' just being say "Yes, but later" because he knows you want to hear the "yes" part. He may not enjoy kids, or may not want to be tied down. Maybe he likes sex without the consequences.

These things you should discuss before you get married, and decide if the answers are right. If he really wants kids, find out why he wants to put it off.

Set a timetable. If he says a date, then stick to it - ditch any birth control. Say "These 3 boxes of pills are the last, I'm not getting any more when they're gone". Then follow through. Maybe don't make a big deal about when or when not to have sex. (Hopefully it's more than once every 2 weeks!) See what happens.

Answer 4

Not really. You shouldn't rush him. He will let you know when he's ready. However, this is just a tip**
Remind him that trying for a baby means having sex sometimes up to three times a day. That ought to get him in gear. That was the only reason my husband was trying to get pregnant is so he could have sex 24/7. But he turned out to be a pretty great dad.

Answer 5

You need to talk to him and explain to him how important this is to you. Why don't you wait until you are married? It sounds like he doesn't want to commit, so you may need to consider your relationship with him in the first place. What if you get pregnant and he decides he isn't ready? Are you prepared to be a single mom? Bottom line, talk to him--keep an open mind--but set an ultimatum.

Answer 6

why not wait til you're married to start trying? then the child will have a stronger home base. maybe that's what he's waiting for.

you may have to try for months at a time, or you could get pregnant on the first go. you never know.

Answer 7

I don't think you can make him want it faster. You said he's your fiance. Why don't you want to get married first? You should wait until you are married and things are settled before bringing a child into the world because a child changes everything.

Answer 8

hi unfortunatly there is nothing you can do if he isnt ready you dont want to force hime because then he wont be happy and thats not a good thing in the begining of starting a family just give him time and just keep reminding him that you are ready when he is good luck!!!

Answer 9

I would sit down and face him directly in a calm manner. and ask him.
I know you keep saying you want kids but you delay the idea. Is there a reason?
Tell him you love him but you also want kids and its a major issue for you.
Dont wait to ask and find out. etc...
You dont want to married then find out the major issues after.

Answer 10

sometimes guys say this when they aren't ready.. and they never get ready... 'someday ' doesn't always happen (I know this peronsally). They say it to make you happy or because they think they will get there edventually.. I wouldn't marry someone who didn't want kids and could tell me exactly when we would start trying...