How to discipline this child when nothing works?

Question

I have 2 children, an 8 yr old son and 5 yr old daughter. Lately my son has been acting up & nothing we do seems to help. He's in 2nd grade but falling behind. We've had him tested for a LD and they said he is learning within the range of his IQ (which means he doesn't have a LD) but his IQ is pretty low for a child his age. It doesn't help that his 5 yr old sister has a high IQ and is catching up very quickly. Last week he handed me a spelling test with a 100% that was obviously not his but he changed the name to his own, he had stolen it from a classmate. 2 days ago, he stole some money from his g-ma, only change but it's the point. Today I was checking his math homework and saw the writing wasn't his and he had a friend at school do it. We have spanked, stood him in the corner, grounded, made him write sentences, talked, yelled....I'm at a loss! He just doesn't seem to learn that he is going to get caught (he's a bad liar). What can I do to get his attention? Therapy?

My husband and I have a very good relationship with our children and they know they are loved...they are our lives. We did have an assesment meeting at the school with his teacher, the school counselor and a psychologist. We have a plan and do follow it, only his behavior is spiraling downwards...is this just part of being a kid? My husband is a cop and it makes him crazy to think about his son stealing and cheating and lying. Thanks for the responses!

Answer 1

I am of the belief that life is a journey. that eveyone finds their way sooner or later... when people are younger, the parents help them find their way... If the parents are of the attitude that it will all work out... the childern will pick up on that. If you wonder what is wrong with him, then he will wonder what is wrong with himself?

Is there a tecnique that he usese over and over... My daughter does taht.. and then i heard in a parenting course, that they tecniques that they use continually they use becuase that works for them...

My daughter is in grade two and I will tell you, lying is common at that age... as well as the kids in school are getting meaner at that age (I didn't find that in grade 1). As well as when they want more independence, they do tend to act out more....

My brother was smarter then me, and that does make the other child feel inferior..

Here is what i suggest. My opinion only. So he doesn't feel inferior... focus on what he is good at that his sister can't do. Not to compare them.. but just so he has something that he is good at to feel good about himself.

As for discipline that doesn't work... you need one tecnique... one that you don't give up on. You can try one thing.. and quit and try another... none of them will work if you give up on them... Someone once told me that my method wasn't working cause my kid was in her room breaking things and having a tantrum... I didn't believe them... I said, it will only not work if I give up.. and I kept going with my disipline tecnique adn 1 hour later my daguther was running around happy after...

As for the stealing and lying.. I think therapy is an idea... but maybe he just needs to build up trust to talk to you...? Lying and stealing would personally be the first battles I would pick..

Answer 2

Consistancy!

Just because a method doesn't work the first time. Or even the first 20 times doesn't mean it isn't working. If he gets away with something 50 times, or get's unpredictable punishment 50 times that two or three times are going to make up for it, NO!

Figure out what makes your son tick. What is important to him? Toys? TV? Video Games? Seeing his friends? Spanking? Time out? Writing lines? Once you figure out what it is that will make him take notice. Write out a list or rules and post it where he will see it, but not his friends. Sit down with him and explain "Mommy (and daddy) hasn't made the best choices in the past by letting you act this way, and you haven't made good choices either by lying and cheating. But both you and mommy (and daddy) are good people and mommy loves your very much. So we are going to fix this. There are going to be new rules, because mommy (and daddy) want you to do the best you can. So here are your new rules. There will be no negotiating, no bending the rules or avoiding the consequences" Then go through the rules with him. (Also routines are important too. Tell him when he will be doing his homework and when you will be checking it, when he can ask for help etc. Talk to the teacher about maybe getting some extra work for you to do with your son to help him master his school work)

Answer 3

Whew! Girl that is tough, but seems to me that you are on the right tract. Most kids, however know how to get over on the parent by acting as if what they
"NEED, to do/ have (Life or Death, or whining) will make you give in. Usually it does. That's when they laugh at you inside.

When your son does something wrong, there is no talking or communicating of any kind along with the spanking/stand in the corner. . .etc. TALK PUNISHMENT is the worst torture and KIDS JUST HATE IT. If he makes a move to communicate, the punishment goes longer . . . . but don't say it to him. When you don't acknowledge him, he will get very cautious. THE YELLING DOESN'T WORK, we all know that.

But SILENCE is GOLDEN.

When he stands in the corner, can't be in an active room. Mine sat on the bathroom rug until they could controll themselves, were confident that they would try not to do it again and say sorry. i.e . . . until they were "ready" and NOT A MINUTE BEFORE MOM.

NO ATTENTION AT ALL TO BAD BEHAVIOR. NO EXEPTIONS MOM . . . like to eat dinner . . . 15 minutes of silence won't starve him and just might give you a quiet dinner. He can eat when he's "ready" after. NO ATTENTION TO WHINING (MOM) , that's a bathroom violation. Stay untill they stop whining and they decide that they are "ready" and are good to come out. Whining and Stomping is NOT TO BE TOLLERATED. Back to the bathroom rug, just leave the door cracked and go pass several times. But NO TALKING to or proading him, . . . . . Don't baby him. He wasn't acting very nice and must NOT be rewarded be Moms cuddles. You are letting him know that it's OK.

If he needs to read, he can read the whole thing and come out when he can tell you the story about what he read. Same with completing math or other subjects. He will be so excited with his sense of accomplishment. Lot's of kids want to do MORE SCHOOL WORK . . . . . .I'M NOT KIDDING. Actually, It's usually the parent who needs the descipline and the wherewithall to STICK TO IT.

Most important . . . . . No Yelling and try not to respond obviously. Then they know that their in serious trouble and have no idea whats to come. Usually nothing, but don't tell them that. Secret Mommy secret.

He doesn'y have LD. Has a MOM who gives in . . . . . Ms. Wimpie

Smile. All you have to do is STICK TO IT.

Answer 4

He needs help and support, both from you and from the school.

Request an assessment meeting - his teacher(s), the principal, the school adjustment counselor, and the school psychologist should be present.

Come up with a plan - how they will deal with him in school, and how you will deal with him at home. The school should provide him with some counseling, but more may be necessary.

Sit him down and explain that you love him, but that his behavior is not acceptable, and that this is the plan. Tell him clearly what is expected of him, and tell him clearly what the consequences will be for failing to follow the plan. Allow for some leeway as things start, and narrow that leeway as things improve.

Both you and his father should be part of this plan, whether you are together, or not.

Talk to his pediatrician - he may have ADD, but not an LD.

Good luck.

Answer 5

You need to be consistent. You seem to choose one thing and if it doesn't work you move on to another tactic. This doesn't help because your son doesn't know what to expect as punishment. To a child, it translates into you not meaning what you say because you always do something different. I suggest that you stick to taking away privileges. Make sure that you follow through with it because once he realizes that you are sticking to it then he will realize that you are serious. His behavior will start turning around. I also suggest that you make a habit of spending family time together. Do things that will build his confidence and so he will have fun with you. Once you start having fun with him and are consistent when he misbehaves, he'll start acting differently.

Therapy will only make the situation worse at his age. There will be a whole new wave of emotions and acting out over you handing him over to someone else to work out "his" problems. In reality it's not only his problem so I suggest keeping it in the home.

Answer 6

I have a 10 year old son and a 12 year old daughter very similar to what i have gone through. My son has been diagnosed with ADHD when he was 6 he does a lot better, but I still have some problems with him like fighting with his sister a ton. He is on meds, but what I have noticed about his discipline is that when I ground him to his room and take things away like he has a TV and a game system, and I have him read to me or if he prefers read to his dad or himself.. Good luck...

Answer 7

Please get him couseling soon. you could be talking about my son, he is now 23 and in prison this scares me for you and your family I always told my son he would get busted at everything he did. The only thing I know is to praise him when he actually does the right things. My other children are fine but somehow i lost it with him I am not kidding I could have written this ? if I had a computor back then. you will be in my prayers Good luck with this get him some help soon.

Answer 8

Is he getting enough attention at home?
Keep disciplining him consistently. Every bad choice needs to have a fitting Consequence.

Answer 9

I didn't see you mention actually trying to help him learn. If he has a learning problem, spanking him or giving him time-outs isn't going to fix it. He could be acting out as a result of his difficulties in school...treat the cause, not the symptom. Help him with his math, practice his spelling with him. Maybe he needs your attention, instead of you needing his to fix this.

Answer 10

Call Super Nanny.