I was pregnant. and lost my son at 19 weeks. He would have been a year old in February.?

Question

I was pregnate and lost my son at 19 weeks. I had to deliver him vaginaly. He would have been a year old next month and I think about him all the time. My husband is wanting to have another baby but I am so scared too. I do want one but I am afraid that I will go through what I did last time. He was to be my first child. We had a name that we really liked and all the stuff that we had bought for him. If we are to have another baby and it happens to be a boy would you use the same name or would you use a different name? Plus, how long did it take after your mis-carriage for you to have another baby?

Answer 1

I recommend you seek genetic counseling and talk as opening with the doctor about the situation as possible. A miscarriage at 19 weeks is not very common and there could be some risk factors involved with future pregnancies. As far as what you do with naming a new baby or the things you have, that is a personal decision you have to make.
My husband and I just lost our son at 25 weeks. I have a very rare disorder that the doctors didn't catch untill it was to late. It has been 2 months an we are trying again because I can take medication for the disorder. I got closure from our sons death though. We had a memorial service for him and everything. I plan on using some of the things we bought for him but they are the things we would have reused anyway for any of our future children. Then there are other things I am putting away in his memory box. I will not reuse his name, to me he was and will always be our son and I know that I can not duplicate him no matter how hard we try.
Maybe you can start on your closure by having a memorial service for your child also. Pick a day that will be special to you and invite your family and friends. Let them know that although it has been some time since you lost your baby, you have just now gotten to a point that you feel you can reach closure and would like their support. have somebody else over see the event, like your pastor, preist, or what ever religion you are. Also try to see your baby, as your child, and work on a personally way to remember him every year. Since we lost our son around the holidays, we are going to make him his own Christmas ornament every year.
19 weeks is a hard time to loose a child. They call it a miscarriage but the baby comes out looking like a little baby. There is no normal protocal for this type of situation, don't feel like you have to hide your love for your child because you don't know what to do to be normal. BUT remember that there is nothing you can do to change the situation and you have to go on with your life and other relationships - especially the one with your husband.

Answer 2

First of all, my heart goes out to you. I too had a miscarriage. In December of 2005 I miscarried triplets at 16 weeks. I was completely devastated.
I understand how you feel and the fear of going through this again, but please know that miscarriage is a VERY common occurance and that most women go on to have completely normal pregnancies the next time around..including myself. 12 days ago, I gave birth to a very healthy and happy baby girl. It only took me 4 months to concieve after the miscarriage but I was terrified! I wanted to be excited but felt that I had to prepare myself for the worst.
As far as the future goes...I think it really is personal preference as to wether or not you should use the same name and the baby items that you purchased. I can tell you from experience that I did use one of the same names that we had chosen, and I did use the same baby items that we had purchased. Some people might believe that it sounds morbid or that you should start fresh due to bad memories...but honestly, once you hold that new baby in your arms, alot of your old pain goes away, and even though you will still think about your lost baby boy...the joy of the one perfect baby that you will have is enough to see you through. Miscarriage is a way of eliminating a embryo or fetus that has severe abnormalities....I am not a very religious person but I do believe that god meant for you to have the perfect child..and you will.
Good luck and my prayers are with you.

Answer 3

I had a miscarriage at 17 weeks with my first pregnancy. It took me about a year to get over it and focus on having another. I finally decided that the pain could not be erased completely, but another baby would help, just to hold one in your arms and say "this is MY baby" is the best medicine.

It is so hard to go through, but most miscarriages happen because there is something wrong with the fetus and the body is taking care of it before it turns more serious.

About a year later, I delivered my first baby. We named him Miachel Aaron. The baby that I miscarriages was a girl, to be named Mia areanna. Instead of spelling his name "michael" we added MIA to the front. I think It would have been to hard for me to keep the same name, but you could be different.

Sweetie, whenever you feel it is the time to try for another, go for it. I know another baby made me feel much, much better. I finally moved on and now I have six beautiful little angels. They make me smile when I look into their precious blue eyes.

It is up to you and your husband. Just take life easy and remember the best things. So sorry to hear about this, though. Good luck, and I hope you find happiness soon!!!

Answer 4

The joy of a new baby is worth it.

I can't imagine the pain of such a trauma of having to have a vaginal delivery.
But I know the fear you are talking about all to well. I was on pins and needles until about 27 weeks. (Even though people told us that one misscarriage did not predict a second.) But in the end we had a healthy baby boy.

The first time around was very sad. We wanted to put it behind us quickly, so we were succesful 6 months afterwards. (It was some solice to be pregnant before the other baby would have been due.)

I refused to find out the sex so I could use the names. But if I knew the sex, I wouldn't used the name. I had friends who had a loss at 24 weeks (the baby had turners). They named her and would refer to her by that name afterwards. (though at 24 weeks, they had to bury her.) They now have a healthy 2 year old.

For our baby, my husband, even though we picked a name for our son, called him by nicknames the entire pregnancy. I think it was for a similar emotional reason. It also took us a while to start decorating the nusery.(Our friends didn't start until after the baby was born.)

That said, there is some emotional work to be done before you have a baby. And yes you will be on pins and needle during the pregnancy. But as I said, the joy of a new baby is worth it.

p.s. I know this was a great deal of trauma. Have you talked to a therapist about this? You sound like you might have some postpartum depresssion. (Just because you misscarried, doesn't mean you couldn't.) Before you get pregnant, talk to your doctor about this.

Answer 5

I know exactly what you went through..its terribly. Some doctors say to wait about 6 months to a year or just a couple of cycles to get back on track..I believe I am now pregant again and it has only been about 6 months since I have had my D+C procedure done I was 11 weeks. I am so scared to confirm this pregnancy because I don't know what I would do if that happened again. I was not as far along as you but I don't think it matters when your expecting and you love that child no matter how far along, your whole life changes. Neways, I strongly believe the time issue is one of your own and when your ready again..About the name thing...You shouldn't use the exact same name. I think that would be displacing your feelings, plus they are two different soles two different babies. I wonder what the child would think when he grew up and found out that his mother named him after his sibling who had died before him.

Answer 6

I am so sorry for your loss. Only you will know what is right- but remember that life goes on. You cannot live in the past. I had a miscarriage at just about 12 weeks. It was a very sad time. I wound up pregnant again 8 weeks later! It was not aplanned thing, I was actually going back on the patch, but nonetheless, it happened. My son was born perfect and beautiful full term. He is a delight. I cannot say enough good about what he has added to our lives. It will be hard, especially as you hit the mark near where you lost your other child- but you will find such joy in a baby. You will never forget your child you lost, he will be in your heart forever. You should also not reuse his name. It was meant to be his, and that can be your way of honoring him. We are fortunate that with every thing life deals, we grow and become stronger. Hve a baby when you feel ready- you will not regret it.

Answer 7

I am so sorry about your loss. I think there is no right or wrong answer - it is really all about what you would like to do. It is okay if you get pregnant again, and it is okay if you do not, but another child will never take the place of the first child - your first will always be your first. If it were me, I probably wouldn't the same name - I would use something different or a variation of the first name. Good luck to you!

Answer 8

I am so sorry for your loss. I certainly wouldn't use the same name, that will be covering up his memory, it still won't make it go away. Talk with your husband if you're not ready and help him realize that it's an entire physical aspect you went through on top of the emotions that both of you felt and you're just not ready yet. If you are using protection agains pregnancy, when you're ready, just stop using it and let things happen naturally. The last thing you want to do is panic and use fertility drugs, that contributed to my best friend's would-be little brother never making it into the world. One miscarriage followed by fertility drugs followed by another miscarriage. Just take your time, it's not worth rushing it.

Answer 9

oh gosh that sounds horrible i could not imagine i would talk to a doctor about whether or not this would happen again and what you can do to prevent it as for the name i would definately use another name as you would not use the same name for two of your children you would want to remember him by the name you chose for him and choose another for the new baby and i have never had a miscarriage just an ectopic pregnancy and i was pregnant again in less that 5 months and i am now on my third child this was in march 03 and i have had no problems since i hope this helps

Answer 10

A miscarriage is painful sometimes, like the child that is not in your arms is wandering in a space unknown to you. It takes times for you to recover from one , but I believe it's ok to have another one, since miscarriages are normal if it was the first time, and I personally think that go you should go on with a different name to let yourself hold a memory, while the other baby will bring a joyful moments that it will experience in the future.