I'm a second in a sibling. I've 21y old bro, 8y old bro and 5y old sis. I'm 16y old. My mum died last year. My dad is a truck driver and always not arround. Most of the time our elder brother will look after us. As he controlled the house, sometime I personally he's over controlled. For example I forgot to pick up our lil sis from kindergarten (my duty in our house). As the kindergarten is nearby our home her teacher sent her home and my brother was shocked as he's at home at that time. As I got back, he straight away slapped me once i openned the door, then only he told me where I gone wrong. I think he should at least speak or ask me before started to slap me?I hate him for doing that.But I dare not fight him back. Cause I know he done a lot for our family.I'm also scared of him btw.But what I hate the most is, he even slapped me in public when he saw me smoking last week.I know it's my fault, but i'm not happy the way he treated me.Beside that he's a good bro.What should I do?
2007-01-16 08:57:19 · 37 answers · asked by Jonathan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First of all .. You MUST know and be sure that this bro is very important to such family of yours .. cuz i am jus like him .. but um not always so high tempered .. but i do get mad .. and you must understand the responsibilty of him having this house not fallin apart.. now tell me , what will happen when you smoke ... even when you smoke weed .. you'll get a lil high ????? dammit man .. stop this crap .. now think of this .. what will happen if your forgot your lil sis .. and she got kidnapped or even only lost .. you all will be worried every single second .. you must never think about fighting him back ... This guy is makin' you able to live .. and you are helpin him thass right .. nd thass how does a family should act .. specially when you're less .... and also that yer dad ain't around all the time .. so man you have to appreciate what your bro does .. and help him by doin yer duty perfectly and try to be a good person ..never smoke again .. think about your lil sis .. think yourself at his place ... and imagine that massive responsibility .. anyway do this .. nd um tellin ya .. iss gonna be great nd you even may be friends ...
2007-01-16 09:06:30 · answer #1 · answered by andronaldo 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Pick a time when you are getting on well with him and he is in a good mood, then try to talk about it calmly to him without accusing him, he is trying to hold the family together, tell him you think he is a good brother most of the time but ask if there is another form of punishment he could give you, there is other options than violence like banning you from the computer for 24 hours or confiscating a mobile for a night that will have better results, i have found this by haveing a 14 year old who i could easily lose my rag with but i try these other options and it does work. You wont like them much but it is better than being slapped at home or in public. Good Luck and make sure you choose a good time to talk if you decide to follow the advice
2007-01-16 09:06:05 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to these guys
www.childline.org.uk
He is not a good bro... hes a bully.
If you dont fight back then he may act the same with a future girlfriend or wife.
www.kravmaga.co.uk or similar martial art... he slaps you you kick him in the balls hard then knee him in the face.
Ie get a big mate to sort him out along the lines of you hit her, I hit you, I hit you harder then you can hit... Kinda thing.
He's on a powertrip.
You are only 16, you are supposed to mess up. Not be that responsible.
Ill bet he want want you to date either... but come up with some bollocks like hes 'protecting you' funny he will go out pulling girls himself.
'But I dare not fight him back. Cause I know he done a lot for our family.I'm also scared of him btw'
So you going to have sex with his mates or people who pay as hes supposed to look after you? funny his dad should slap him for misbehaving too.
As for
'I know it's my fault, but i'm not happy the way he treated me.Beside that he's a good bro'
Funny That what battered wives say and that he loves her. Only if he did he would not slap her or beak her bones as supposidly done something wrong.
Responsibility is when you look after others genuinely... not as you get off on being top dog and in control.
Infact if he was a decent brother he would be paying for you to go to self defence lessosn and teaching you to fight...
bet he would not as that may change the balance of power.
As said... do martial arts like the karvmag which is easy and streetfight style... and then hit back using training in a way where you assert your dominance over him, take him out in the street and giver him a taste of his medicine... But you need the training first.
Till then if he tries to sap you knee him in the balls then face then on the ground keep kicking him in said balls in the knnes, shins, stamp on his hands... Or carry say chilli powder and if he tried to hit you throw it in his face...
He wont be so tough if he cant see...
You need a role model like buffy the vampire slayer.
Also tell dad.
If its a case of he has trouble dealing with his mum and sudden responsibility then you hitting him back may actually help as he may see how much its hurting you too. and be a reality check.
Some girl mates have had brothers and they were always fighting and the girls are now fiesty and dont take crap from any boys... bit like having buffy the vampire slayer as a mate.
2007-01-16 21:39:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have 2 choices, and it depends on how scared of your brother you are. The first is to tell him you don't want him to hit you again- it is unacceptable from anyone, and if he does it again, contact the police. The second is to get out of the situation, leave home, before something worse happens. No physical abuse should be tolerated, for any reason. He might be the best brother in the world otherwise, but hitting you is completely out of order. At 16, neither option probably sounds good, so i suppose a third option would be to sit down with him and your dad, and talk through the situation. Good luck whatever you decide. Remember, whatever mistakes you make, nobody has the right to hit you.
2007-01-16 09:07:52 · answer #4 · answered by Oracle Of Delphi 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think your brother is stressed out. Your mom just dying and your dad being a truck driver has put a heavy load on him. Now, he counts on you being responsible enough to get your little "sis" home and you failed him. 16 and smoking probally really adds to his stress, thinking you are headed the wrong way in life. Do your best to help him out with some of the responsibility's he has, he probally is really stressed out and he does not need to have to start worrying about you.
So sorry about your Mom, hang in there and try and be a team for the younger siblings.
Should he have slapped you, no, and he probally feels bad about it. Be glad you have a brother that is responsible enough he's trying to hold things together on the home-front. He is still young too.
2007-01-16 09:13:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds as if he is totally stressed out, having been thrown into a parenting role way before ready. Both times you describe when he slapped you were times of concern for you or little sis. He's right to be concerned and right even to be angry.
But Slapping is just wrong and he needs to learn to manage his anger - something all parents are challenged with - kids really know how to push your buttons.
First you need to talk to him about it and see if you can get your point across. If not, talk to your dad. Good luck - I think you'll all make it.
2007-01-16 09:06:04 · answer #6 · answered by knitsafghans 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He shouldn't be allowed to get away with this. What you should do (if you can) is one day when he is in a good mood sit him down, just you and him, and speak to him about how you feel!! Tell him that it isn't right that he always hits you, and that you will no longer stand for it. Explain that evryone makes mistakes once in a while and rather then him lashing ut at you, you would like him to allow you to explain yourself. You are 16 so you are verging on adulthood and thus should be allowed to start making your own decisions. As long as you allow him to get away with this behaviour the longer he will continue. Just because he does a lot for the family does not give him the right to bully you! You don't mention your father much, apart from saying that he is away a lot. Have you spoken/are you able to speak to him about what is going on whilst he is away, or do you feel that he will not care or take any notice? Because after speaking with your brother and his behaviour continues maybe you should consider talking to your father.
2007-01-16 09:08:23 · answer #7 · answered by Spence 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Try to understand where he is coming from. He probably feels very responsible for you and his other siblings but can't see that his behaviour is over the top. I'd suggest that the way forward is to discuss the situation with your Dad when he is around and for the three of you to discuss it, as adults, together - that is, without accusations, blame or any of those negative emotional things. Explain that the way he treats you is not appropriate, that you aren't a child and that if he gives you the respect you need and deserve that you will be an asset to your family.
2007-01-16 09:06:34 · answer #8 · answered by Georgeo 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems like for the most part he is a good bro and he thinks he is doing this for the best but this will only hurt you now and cause you to resent him in the long run. Please please please talk to him about the way he treats you. You are an "adult" . . .sort of. Granted you are young you are still old enough to be responsible enough to learn from your own actions without someone hitting you. You need to talk to him and then if it continues then talk to your father. If that doesnt help, talk to a counselor because it COULD get worse if no one does anything about it.
2007-01-16 09:04:34 · answer #9 · answered by daschund delight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gotta talk to him. He is your brother and is doing what he thinks is best, but he is not an experienced parent, this is new to him. Let him know all the things you said above and you can begin working things out.
The only way this will get better is if the 2 of you find a way to work this out, otherwise it will only get worse.
2007-01-16 09:01:40 · answer #10 · answered by answerman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋