When we moved in together about a year ago things were good we both worked, had common goals and enjoyed each others company. 10 months ago she got laid off, I encouraged her to find a new job, she had made a little effort but nothing came of it. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months and here I am almost a year later and when I get home this evening she will be sitting there watching tv hoping I bought her smokes. Our relationship has deteriorated along the way with me now in a position where I feel like I have a 30 year old kid to provide for. I care about her to the point of not being able to toss her out on her as_ she has no friends or family to turn to and no means to take care of herself so here I am trapped by this woman who stays home all day every day, draining my time, my money and my soul. I really do not know what to do.
2007-01-16 08:05:17 · 10 answers · asked by anti pc 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
most of you are making a lot of sense
2007-01-17 00:38:14 · update #1
Inform her that you feel as if your relationship has come to an end, that you don't have the feelings you used to. Giver her a certain amount of time to find a job and a place to live. Tell her the truth she will appreciate it. If you just keep to yourself, she will assume everything is ok.
2007-01-16 08:23:19 · answer #1 · answered by Jacuzzi Lover 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, you either love her enough to support her or love her NOT enough to set her free... You are NOT helping her grow up by supporting her just because you do not want to throw her out...If the tie that binds was love you would need to keep supporting her emotionaly and help her get her self worth back... but, if I read ya correctly, you do NOT feel LOVE for her at this time, just a carring as a friend ? A friend does help yes, but you need to draw the line now !!! Sit her down and TELL her straight out just how you feel and why... it will be hard on her and you , but I think it is time to set down a few rules and such... if it comes down to it, YOU might to be the one to move on... like start looking for another home and another room mate, a MALE room mate, so you can regain and move forward with life.. give her a fair warning, legally you have to, in writting and make her sign it and you too, and keep a copy of it all, if she will not sign, make sure you have a witness that you talked and showed her the papers..... I know you may think this is silly or not necessary, but it is !!!! a woman scorned and all that !!! she does have rights in the courts, and co-habitaion has grounds for a law suit !!!!God bless
2007-01-16 16:17:33 · answer #2 · answered by Annie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you told her this or talked it over with her?
Did she spend all day looking for a job and finally got home before you and crashed in front of the TV?
Talk - ask - listen. Then set goals. If you really can't live with her, then give her a date that she needs to be out which gives her time to find "some" job and a place to move to. She might just need that little extra push to get herself out there looking harder (or not being so picky of where she's going).
2007-01-16 16:14:50 · answer #3 · answered by Yosemitehiker 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is time for an ultimatum.
You kind of dug yourself a hole when you allowed her to turn into a vegetable and provided everything for her.
Start her out with some sort of easy job like a cashier at a grocery store. Make sure she knows she has to do this. As soon as she gets a job, she is gone. Tell her you'll give her one month, 2 months whatever to square her **** away and move out. That you want it over, but are willing to help her with the transition. Be really really firm on this. Help her get her resume in order and send her out.
2007-01-16 16:12:29 · answer #4 · answered by Morty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you need to sit her down and tell her the truth. You have given it ample time for her to find a job. Her lack of continuing the search makes me believe she likes things just the way they are with you providing for her. Explain that its time for her to get out and face the world and find a job. Not every job is a perfect match but its a start and networking works very well. If she chooses not to do this then I dont think you have much of a choice but to give her the boot. Give her the choice.
2007-01-16 16:10:34 · answer #5 · answered by sweetlaughter434 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm assuming correctly that you guys have talked about this? She's obviously lacking in self esteem at the moment, so needs to be boosted up abit.........or you should give her an ultimatum. If she doesn't get a job within a certain period of time, she's out the door.
2007-01-16 16:13:04 · answer #6 · answered by ForeverAnAngel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut off the money. Tell her she has X amount of time to find a job and stick to it. If you don't set a timeline she'll never take action. And if you really want to dump her then do it.
2007-01-16 16:13:47 · answer #7 · answered by dynamicduo79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you have a serious talk with her and just tell her honestly how you feel about the situation. Maybe she is also feeling lousy about her situation and that you just have to help her get back on her feet.
2007-01-16 16:12:30 · answer #8 · answered by woman in the well 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's really tough...Suggest a womens shelter or something. If you want this woman out lay it out to her. Give her a month to leave. Something. You gotta tell her. It's your house!
2007-01-16 16:10:31 · answer #9 · answered by Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We reap what we sow......you took her in, lived with her, now you're obligated to see it thru....just hang in there and keep trying to get her motivated...good luck
2007-01-16 16:10:00 · answer #10 · answered by The Emperor of Ecstasy 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋