Can you have love without passion? Can you live like that forever?

Question

Can you be married to someone which whom you have no passion with or for? I believe that I may be miserable forever if I marry someone who, mechanically, can be a great partner for marriage (ie- instilling morals and lessons into children, providing the other half of a home that I don't) but I have no connection to, intimately or passionately. We can have a good partnership for tasks BUT I don't feel how beautiful he is when I look in his eyes, I don't make the connection people do when they realize how brilliant their love is when they look into the face of the one they love- when we kiss I don't yearn for another, I don't feel anything. Have you experienced this? How? What do you make of this? Is it possible to live this way? Is there an alleviation? You can't just go to the store and buy this and I can't force myself to feel passion when it is only something that comes naturally for me depending on the person... They don't feel love the way that I feel love and I need that...

Answer 1

i don't think you can...you can have affection but not love...it happened to me with my exboyfriend...i liked being with him because we had so much in common and shared many interests and I know as a married couple we would have had a great future, a stable family, a house with a picket fence, etc...but deep inside me i knew there was something missing and that i would never be 100% happy with him...and it took me a long time to gather the courage to tell it to him and even when i did i wondered if i had made a mistake and i had lost the man of my life...and then i met my husband...we dated for two years and have been married for one now and every time i look at him and i kiss him it feels like the first time...i feel he's the most handsome man in the world and he makes me feel loved and i feel my love for him also grow every day...maybe he's not perfect but he's got that something i was looking for that i know will make me happy for the rest of my life...i hope you find it too...

Answer 2

Love Without Passion

Answer 3

Sure it can be done, anything can be done and anyone can live however they want to live. It's all about choice and it's your choice to decide if you can live without passion. Ask yourself some serious questions: Is it fair to your significant other? Do they feel the same as you or do they have passion for you? How much does passion mean to you? Is it fleeting to you or is it one of those things that determines if you'll stay with someone down the line when the road gets tough? Is passion also physical attraction to you? Those things go hand in hand, if you don't have passion, then does that mean you aren't attracted to your significant other? This is a huge thing. How much is your love worth without the passion? Will you still be able to give the warmth of love? Is it fair to your future children? Remember you can't hide a emotionally cold or lifeless marriage from them. As a child I want to believe that my parents were madly in love with each other. Now think on the stories you hear about these seemingly happy couples who were married for 15 years without problems/fights etc... and then one day one spouse up and leaves the other with no good reason? Hear a lot of those don't we? Well take a wild guess about those people and what kind of attitude they went into their marriage with. If you say you can't force yourself to feel passion, then I have to ask why are you forcing yourself to settle for a passionless marriage?

Answer 4

Not only is it possible, it is the norm for the majority of marriages I know! There are people who purposely marry without passion and lust. They do it for the security that a good provider and morally upstanding person can give. But they are satisfied, if not content with their decision. Many people lose the passion and the lust for myriad reasons after some time and are miserable for the rest of their relationship but stay together because it is socially 'right'.

There are many things that people do not take into consideration before making such an important decision. Do you both have the same or similar sexual drive and stamina? Do you both want the same number of children? Do you profess the same religion? Do you like the same food? Are you open enough to tolerate each other's idiosyncrasies? Is your concept of love, when put into practice, the same? Are you willing to work on each other's strengths and weaknesses to make them work in both your favors? So you see, people can, and do live without true love and passion! It is an existence but...?

Answer 5

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
Can you have love without passion? Can you live like that forever?
Can you be married to someone which whom you have no passion with or for? I believe that I may be miserable forever if I marry someone who, mechanically, can be a great partner for marriage (ie- instilling morals and lessons into children, providing the other half of a home that I don't) but I...

Answer 6

Hi,

I am about three months removed from your very experience and here is my story (short version):

I married for the second time on the heels of my divorce. I was in college and still learning about who I was. My new wife was not in college, having two small children to take care of. Then, after we got married she got pregnant with my son.

Fast forward many years (ten) and I am through college and on a great career path and exploring new ideas and meeting people and life is good -- except.

Except back in my dust is my spouse. I tried to get her onboard and to introduce things and always she had no interest. We made a perfect family: bills paid, children well-behaved, paint on the walls and cars in the drive. Picture perfect.

But I am a passionate person. I am madly passionate: about music, movies, art, books, etc. And I was living the beautiful life without my wife. She didn't want much of it at all. We grew apart.

Over the last few years our relationship began what I now see as the eventual downward spiral to the end. I came to the very hard conclusion that it was over.

About that time, however, she began a change. Yes, I had been talking to her, but in terms of incompatability and the possibilty of a split.

Here is where I get to encourage you: she is suddenly alive with interest and, dare I say, beginning to find passion. She is enrolled in classes; she is listening to (and buying) music she never would have given any time to; she is seeking ideas and experiences.

The answer, if I may be so bold, is to bring the issues all into the light with your husband and help him understand what you need and the possibility that your not getting that will damage your relationship, possibly even lead to the end of your marriage. But you must give him a chance to try. He should at least try and tell you what he expects or wants from your relationship.

It's hard, but that is exactly what "they" mean when "they" tell us that marriage takes work. If both work then it can be saved and you can be happy.

Answer 7

I definitely don't think you can live like that forever. If you don't have passion, I think you will be constantly searching for someone or something to make you feel better. He may be a great person, a great dad, and you might love him, but without being IN love your marriage will suffer. Maybe you should talk to him about it and see how he feels about the situation.

Answer 8

Why are you focusing on the negative aspects of marriage? If you are seriously thinking about the kind of woman that you would want to marry then I would focus more on what you WANT, not what you DON'T WANT. This is because if you focus on what you DON'T WANT you will get it.

In direct answer to your question, passion is overrated. I've been with my wife for 21 years. She is my best friend, my guru, my teacher, my lover, my partner, etc. But if you asked me are you PASSIONATE about it, I'd answer no. Because to me, passion is like being out of control. You say - "I'm PASSIONATE about this!" but you're just getting yourself worked up emotionally. When you are worked up emotionally you are out of control. If you make a decision when you are out of control ("In Love", "passionate") then you stand to make a decision you will regret for a very long time.

FP

Answer 9

you have to be able to connect in an intimate way. should this be the basis for a relationship, NO! but it is important, you do need that passion. of course as time progresses, you are not going to feel that 'puppy dog' ooey gooey feeling that you used to. while you may miss this, it is a good indication that the relationship has progressed to a deeper more profound love.

Answer 10

You think too much, meditate and volunteer some of your spare time.
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