My b/f is nice, doesn't swear and is good tempered the majority of the time but when his parents come round to visit he goes all weird. He finds something to get in a stress with me about like hes lost something and wants to know where it is and he'll start swearing and being rude like 'well you should f***ing well know where it is' and things even in front of our daughter. Why does he act like this when his parents are around?
2007-01-16 06:59:37 · 25 answers · asked by cigaro19 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
His parents tell him he is being stupid and acting disrespuctfully and then he stops but he always does it again the next time....
His father is very bad tempered.
2007-01-16 07:08:07 · update #1
I think MOST people turn into a different person when their parents are around. You go from being a confident grown up with kids of your own to a moody, defiant, insecure little kid in the blink of an eye.
Fortunately you've been able to see a clear link between the circumstances and his behavior, so you're not sitting around wondering what's wrong with him or what you've done. Just know that it's going to happen, and that it's going to end when they go.
Don't make too big a deal of it. Don't confront him about it when he's stressed out. If he's already looking for a fight, that's the way to start one, not end it. After they've gone, you can very gently bring up to him that his parents' visits really seem to stress him out. Maybe you can get him to talk about the relationship some so you can understand it better. Or at least let him know you understand how family can make you crazy, and you're willing to brush it off, but you do want to be sure he doesn't draw the kids into it. Then before the next visit, ask if there's anything you can do to make things go more smoothly. Distracting them by having them play with the grandkids, for instance.
2007-01-16 07:19:29 · answer #1 · answered by EQ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seems to be he's acting up for his dad's benefit, and if that's so, it means he's very insecure. It's unacceptable that you put up with this any longer, not only for your sake but for your daughter's, who must be really mixed up about her dad by now! Would it sink in if you told him that he's only showing himself up by this behaviour? It's a show of ignorance and stupidty, not manliness or anything like that! Tell him you love him as he is, and that's why you're with him. Tell him about how you feel and how it makes you miserable. Could you have a word with his mum about it? If that doesn't work and he does it again I'd say right there and then, calmly and clearly in front of his parents too - "I don't know why, but you only act like this when your parents are here? Would you like to explain why?" Look at his parents with a puzzled look on your face and ask them "Do you have any idea why he acts like this only when you come round?" That will get it right out in the open...fling a spanner in the works of his psychological games! But remember...be calm...not upset or angry when you say it, just act really puzzled!!
2007-01-16 19:27:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no reason why he would speak so disrespectful to you at any time let alone when his parents are there. If he believes that it makes him look like more of a man then he is sadly mistaken, as it makes him (in my opinion anyway) look like a lost soul and someone who is trying to prove something to someone. There may be some hidden things from his past that make him react to you in that manner. You might be wise to sit him down and have a mature conversation and try and figure out why he does change his behaviour when his people are around. Best of luck and I hope that he soon realizes that this is not any way to treat a lady let alone your wife.
2007-01-16 07:07:15 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is trying to make every thing perfect when his parents are there. and lets face it nothing is going to be perfect.
If he is going to act like that then you need to be calm and he may take a hint.
Another thing to do is talk to him about it. Do it when you are both calm, rested, not distracted (when the game is on), and ask him about it. But watch how you say it. Use I statements (I feel ...
when you...) which tells him you want to work it out and you really do love him. Not YOU statements (You always...or You are a... or You never... etc.) which tells him you are criticizing him.
Lastly tell him you love him no matter what his parents think of him or his family.
2007-01-16 07:36:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he has a bad relationship w/ his parents... maybe he is better man when he is Away from them u know?
help him to learn how to forgive and accept his parents for what they are, and ask him to try not to act that way in front of ur children...that is not appropriate, no matter how stressed he is. try to talk it out w/ him..there has to be a reason why he gets upset when they are around! the happier, healthier and more positive he is, the more he will be able to control his temper. good luck
2007-01-16 07:05:27 · answer #5 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
All blokes change around their parents, he's just trying to show who wears the trousers. Next time, once his parents have gone just tell him who bloody annoying it is. Mine does it too occasionally, nothing nasty just a little undermining, I just have my 'I am not amused face' on and say, "do not do that again to me" in a very calm and stern voice like when you talk to a child. It makes him feel silly so he doesn't do it for a while.
2007-01-16 08:02:44 · answer #6 · answered by floppity 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talking like that in front of a child is unacceptable! I don't care when or why he talks like that, but I wouldn't put up with it. As soon as he acts like that, pick up your daughter and leave. Go to the park, to the mall, but take her out of that situation. He'll get the message. He needs to see a counselor. If he refuses you need to think about ending this relationship. If you don't protect your daughter who will? It's your job--be strong. Good Luck!
2007-01-16 07:08:25 · answer #7 · answered by Kimmi 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think he behaves this way because he doesn't like his parents around. I get the sense he is just unhappy when they are around and you are the scapegoat. The next time he does it, YELL at him to scare the daylights out of him. You have been too timid all this while. Show him your fierce and wild side.
P/s. if he doesn't change, it's time to change bf. He is not good for you.
2007-01-16 20:12:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-31 06:59:58 · answer #9 · answered by dewulf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my immediate thoughts were like some of the other answers, he is getting stressed for some reason, perhaps there is something in his relationship/history with his parents that he has kept to himself, a lot of people have problems they hide away talk to him
2007-01-16 07:08:07 · answer #10 · answered by grahamralph2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋