I've been dating a great guy for close to a year and I know the ring is coming soon. He treats me great, but I don't feel like we connect. We get along great, but aren't able to have long great conversations. There's always been a guy from my past who I've never been over and despite that its been years since we dated, he and I still talk now and then, and he can always bring a smile to my face. Knowing the ring was coming, I went to see the old boyfriend to see how he felt, thinking he would say he has long been over me and that would mean I needed to close that door. Instead he said he still loves me and he wants to be with me. That is what I've wanted for so long. I'm so torn right now. I'm currently with a great guy who treats me great, but the connection and love I have for the old boyfriend is undeniable. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I know I'm going to end up marrying one of them. What is marriage about? My heart picks the old, my head picks the new, what to do?
2007-01-16 06:58:30 · 22 answers · asked by HollySmiles 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Girl I feel you on this one. I can tell you that you brain will never make you happy when it comes to love. Follow your heart. Happiness is worth some sacrifices even it means it will be the other person being sacrificed. Be true to yourself and your heart. It will pay off in the long run.
2007-01-16 07:07:16 · answer #1 · answered by redscarlet_witch 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What is marriage about to you? That's each person's own decision.
I think a lot of your answer lies in any issues between you and your ex. Think hard about why you two split up. It may help to make a list of pros and cons for each man and each relationship (as unromantic as that sounds, it may help you to really see things more clearly). If there aren't any major issues with your ex, and you are truly in love with him, I would urge you to listen to your heart, because I think that marriage should be a matter of the heart above all else. You shouldn't marry someone that you aren't in love with just to spare his feelings now - it would be a lot worse down the line when you're having regrets and he realizes the truth of your feelings. I would be wary about the fact that your ex didn't come to you before now and say anything - try to make sure he isn't just "wanting what he can't have" now that he senses you're close to marriage with someone else.
Something else to consider is the fact that you haven't felt a great connection with this new man, yet you've been with him for a year. It might be a good idea to take a good long look at your reasons for being in a relationship. Best of luck to you.
2007-01-16 07:09:49 · answer #2 · answered by Arzosin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard situation that you are in. There is no doubt that one way or another you are going to end up hurting someone. Its unavoidable. But I agree that you should get together again with your ex that you truly have the complete feelings for. If you dont feel the connection there with your current bf it will end up sour in the end if you try and stay with him. Not to mention I think you will end up feeling that you made the wrong choice and feel worse about yourself. It is also better to do this now instead of later when there is the chance that there will be anger to go along with the pain. You seem like a sentimental person, so I feel you would rather not have someone hate you for what happened. Get back together with your ex as soon as possible as well as break things off with current now too. Good luck and hope everything works out for you.
2007-01-16 07:08:52 · answer #3 · answered by Colias 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what's seems to be the problem!!!! time to make grown up decisions and follow your heart before your current relationship turns stressful and confusing. You have only been seeing this guy for 1 year and your already talking marriage, that put's the odds against you for everlasting marriage, marriage is about intrinsic and uncompromisable love, not because he treats you right and you get along. If your questioning this relationship now, it will become double the problem if you were to marry, why waste alot of your friends and families time and money going through the whole wedding process if deep in your heart you want another, everyone must be held accountable for their actions, it's your turn to decide what action to take then think about it's future consequences.
2007-01-16 07:14:24 · answer #4 · answered by mohvictor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it seems to me that you shouldn't marry someone if you don't really connect with them. My advice here is limited as I've never been married, but I think that a communication connection is very important and can solve a lot of problems in the future. I can't tell you to go for one guy over the other (you will have to make that decision on your own), but I can tell you that it's essential to be with someone you connect with on ALL levels, not just a few here and there. Good luck and I hope things work out great for you.
2007-01-16 07:07:36 · answer #5 · answered by spyhopper 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Rock and hard place? NO!
My advice? DON'T MARRY either one.
If you really loved either one, you would not be agonizing over your choice. Wild horses couldn't prevent you from going to the one you love.
Just because you love someone, you don't HAVE to marry anyone. And why take a ring from someone, like a trophy, when your heart isn't in it?
If you are mature, loving, and kind, you will free the great guy to find a great girl who really is nuts about him. He deserves that. Not to be seconds to a memory.
If you are a selfish little twit, you will play them against each other, and end up hurting everyone.
And if the first guy was the right one, you would have called great guy up and broken up with him ON THE SPOT. If he was the right one, you would not want another day to go by with him out there loose, looking for love. What if he meets a great girl this afternoon, and calls you up and says, " I loved you until just now."
Break up with the one you are with, and call up old guy and hook up.
Agree to go a year without moving in, or getting married to anyone to be sure you are not on the rebound. Make sure he is who you want, for the right reasons, since you want this to last forever--not just till summer. You sound really young, and inexperienced. WAIT to get married. It is VERY PAINFUL to anyone who cares about you to make a mistake in this.
PS really great women have CHOSEN not to marry, since they didn't find the one they wanted. Don't settle for a ring and security when you can have love and risk..
You deserve it, right? Tell us how it goes. Good luck.
2007-01-16 07:16:58 · answer #6 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a partnership, friendship and many other great and not so great things. If I were you I'd pick the one you know will make the best father to your children and the best finacially responsible for your future together. Those are the top two reasons for divorce so start there. Fluttery love is great but it fades. New deeper love and bonds form. Maybe neither guy is right for you. Good Luck.
2007-01-16 07:08:09 · answer #7 · answered by MotherMayI? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stick with the guy you've been with for a year.
Relationships from the past belong there, not now. It is only something new and you'll end up crushed.
Stick with the one you know will result with marriage. The man you have been with for a year. The communication problem CAN be fixed if you really want it to work. I know because it happened with me.
If you're still stuck, dump them both and stay single because you're obviously not ready for marriage.
2007-01-16 07:06:18 · answer #8 · answered by Nancy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to follow your heart. that is what i did i was in the same place, i was with a guy who i had dated for 5 years an then i met this other guy who i was attracted to an connected with come along an i was stuck between the 2 an didnt know who to pick the one that i was attracted to or the one that i had been with for 5 years an really didnt feel anything for except he was a great guy.. I picked the one that i was attracted to an it was the best thing i ever done.. we get along great an i couldnt ask for anything better were gettin married in 10 days an have a baby on the way..
2007-01-16 07:05:04 · answer #9 · answered by pruittsgurl_01 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
What a dilemma! The guy you're with sounds wonderful and I know that you don't want to hurt him, but it really seems like you would be much happier in the log run if you went with the guy that you really love. Close your eyes and try to picture yourself with each of the guys in 10 years: who are you happiest with?
Either way, you are going to have to hurt someone. But it's better to make the decision that is best for you and to end one of the "relationships" now.
Good luck, and be well =)
2007-01-16 07:04:44 · answer #10 · answered by Delvala 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋